The school term officially ended (not that I cant treat school days like holidays) but at least I can read daily and into the night. Haiz... stupid school library fine =( cost me $10 for a 6 month over due book of short stories. But I never read that book more than once.
The books I read these 2 weeks:
The Silmarillion
Unfinished Tales
The Lord of The Rings <--- I read this 2 pages daily, daily hor
The Ethics of Genetic Engineering
War and Violence
The Silence of The Lambs <--- Bel dropped Lit and lent me the book. But she refuses to sell it to me =x
Hannibal <--- made me lose sleep =_=
Da Vinci Code <--- After the big hoo haa and everyone telling me to read this book, I waited till Popular tagged it a 20% discount
Not that it's nice staying up late to read detective fiction and getting your pulse racing and blood pressure up, but I can't get to sleep with the darkness glooming around me and the murderer loose in my head (if u get what I mean). So, I end up staying up every night just to read. o_O Hmm... worse still, I don't dare to sleep until 4am. 4am feels like morning and I enjoy mornings. Nights make me feel uneasy and make me lose sleep (don't ponder too much over the meaning, but actually I'm not that nocturnal).
So... basically one can picture me, everynight, in a bedgown, buried and fidgetting under my blankets, reading a book while feeling scared about leaving my feet uncovered and exposed to the cold wind blew out my the air con (or something else), with all the lights switched on, refusing to look in the direction of the door and window; the loud sounds produced by an unwatched VCD playing on my computer, the slow drone of the air-con overworking, the loud ticking of the clock on my book shelf and the beating of my own heart, sometimes furious against my chest, sometimes soft and stealthily. Phew. I must try to remember to get some cup noodles and nescafe stocked up under my bed. =)
Next few projects/milestones:
Work Attachment at AMK hospital
Fuel Cell Project
Physics Mini Showcase <--- not voluntary
And... I just found out what a sonnet means.
Finished updating about my life.
Saturday, October 29, 2005
Saturday, October 15, 2005
9.30pm
Unhappiness aside. Since I'm now listening to a song that makes me feel so comfortable that it's quite impossible to feel unhappy. In fact, I feel sleepy. So... one can actually be lazy enough to feel unhappy? o_O Neh... well, just diminished. Yawn... I'll leave you to ponder. If you want.
Now listening to: Quando Quando Quando Feat. N by Michael Buble
I realised, to my delight, on Friday that the people around me can be so humourous. ^^ A great deal I have heard although now they already seem dim in my memories. But I wont be quickly forgetting how light-hearted I had felt then. Partly because there is much sincerity I can feel from it. ^^
There were alot of chemistry jokes which I can't quite remember. I only remember the one about polar bears and polarity which makes them unmeltable, hahaha. Polar molecules 'repel' water molecules. Never mind if you don't understand. This is how chemists amuse themselves in the dull laboratories. hehe. Then there's a whole chunk on love, which is made hearty by chemistry terms. Out of the whole chunk I only remember one part which mentioned something like 'I have to be selfish because I'm endothermic and absorb all the love you have for me.' They were so creative I couldnt stop smiling when I read them.
If I couldnt stop smiling at the chemistry quotes, then I must say I couldnt stop laughing at the humanities jokes. One of them is like this:
Socialism:
You own 2 cows and you give 1 to your neighbour.
Communism:
You own 2 cows. The government takes away both and gives you the milk.
Capitalism:
You own 2 cows, sell 1 of them and buy a bull.
Maybe I'm easily amused but I marvel at the wit and humour in them, haha. Or is it that I haven't heard enough jokes? haha. Who cares? =p
Now I couldnt quite remember this, cos they flashed too fast and I dunno if I'm the only one who reads slowly. =s
So here's half of it:
If something walks, tax it. If it keeps walking, subsidise it.
The Character Development Program on Thursday was very boring because I have attended similar workshops. And I attended it with a huge air of distaste: because I don't like people telling me who I am and much less, categorise everybody under four groups. Much as I reject the idea of people telling me how I should act based on my personality, I tried to scale down as much of my negative feelings as possible and forced myself to listen humbly. Well, being a stupidly stubborn and arrogant person at heart, I tried to show how non-chalant I am in the midst of a hungry audience. Haha, sounds similar? :x
Anyway, I hope not that anyone who attended the program become a slave of their defined personality. It's quite a load of rubbish. Our fate and our body is in our hands. =) We musnt be enslaved! But well, there are certain things in life which we just give in to. It's only human. Argh.. I won't preach. I'm feeling lazy.
So, this draws an end to this post. =) More quando quando.
Now listening to: Quando Quando Quando Feat. N by Michael Buble
I realised, to my delight, on Friday that the people around me can be so humourous. ^^ A great deal I have heard although now they already seem dim in my memories. But I wont be quickly forgetting how light-hearted I had felt then. Partly because there is much sincerity I can feel from it. ^^
There were alot of chemistry jokes which I can't quite remember. I only remember the one about polar bears and polarity which makes them unmeltable, hahaha. Polar molecules 'repel' water molecules. Never mind if you don't understand. This is how chemists amuse themselves in the dull laboratories. hehe. Then there's a whole chunk on love, which is made hearty by chemistry terms. Out of the whole chunk I only remember one part which mentioned something like 'I have to be selfish because I'm endothermic and absorb all the love you have for me.' They were so creative I couldnt stop smiling when I read them.
If I couldnt stop smiling at the chemistry quotes, then I must say I couldnt stop laughing at the humanities jokes. One of them is like this:
Socialism:
You own 2 cows and you give 1 to your neighbour.
Communism:
You own 2 cows. The government takes away both and gives you the milk.
Capitalism:
You own 2 cows, sell 1 of them and buy a bull.
Maybe I'm easily amused but I marvel at the wit and humour in them, haha. Or is it that I haven't heard enough jokes? haha. Who cares? =p
Now I couldnt quite remember this, cos they flashed too fast and I dunno if I'm the only one who reads slowly. =s
So here's half of it:
If something walks, tax it. If it keeps walking, subsidise it.
The Character Development Program on Thursday was very boring because I have attended similar workshops. And I attended it with a huge air of distaste: because I don't like people telling me who I am and much less, categorise everybody under four groups. Much as I reject the idea of people telling me how I should act based on my personality, I tried to scale down as much of my negative feelings as possible and forced myself to listen humbly. Well, being a stupidly stubborn and arrogant person at heart, I tried to show how non-chalant I am in the midst of a hungry audience. Haha, sounds similar? :x
Anyway, I hope not that anyone who attended the program become a slave of their defined personality. It's quite a load of rubbish. Our fate and our body is in our hands. =) We musnt be enslaved! But well, there are certain things in life which we just give in to. It's only human. Argh.. I won't preach. I'm feeling lazy.
So, this draws an end to this post. =) More quando quando.
9.12pm
Counsel comes ever unlooked for. Alas! it is counsel that pride cannot tolerate. For women have pride as much as Men and ever as men deny it because their hearts cannot return the fairness in it . Comfort I have found but in manners that I not thought of initially. But at least I am comforted. Although my heart is still laden and grave, it feels now considerably lighter from the beginning, but more braced or softer, I cannot decide yet. It has been carelessly hewn. Some hurts go so deep that they cannot be unmade, but only diminished. Alas! counsel speaks as counsel fools and solutions remain far at bay. Riddles aside, more seeds of hope I surely need to plant. Who knows what more changes tomorrow's morning may bring? The wise know that little can be expected until the hours bring it forth. Wisdom it may be but a fool's hope some call. Yet stillness may be the deep breath before the plunge or the passing phase of winter into spring.
Subtlity and lore I have much but perhaps not a lot of wisdom. One see I'm constantly in unrest and ever as I overspill with unhappiness, I can't retain anything else that brings comfort. I have yet to find a way to strike a balance bewteen my desires and my principals. As the days drone on and I walk on alone in the path seemingly correct, for there is yet no indication of otherwise, I would stumble upon things that would lighten my load. But a lot more stumbles I would require if I rely solely upon them to cure me of my ailment. Still, no longer would I scorn the gifts of a gentle heart. But, I have naught yet a heart to embrace them. A time may come when I can speak plainer but even as so, I seek not pity, as fair a gift a gentle heart has to offer. When I cannot receive what I desire, I desire nothing. Yet, sorrow and pride ail and frost even young hearts. Tears do not become less grievous if they are unheard.
Subtlity and lore I have much but perhaps not a lot of wisdom. One see I'm constantly in unrest and ever as I overspill with unhappiness, I can't retain anything else that brings comfort. I have yet to find a way to strike a balance bewteen my desires and my principals. As the days drone on and I walk on alone in the path seemingly correct, for there is yet no indication of otherwise, I would stumble upon things that would lighten my load. But a lot more stumbles I would require if I rely solely upon them to cure me of my ailment. Still, no longer would I scorn the gifts of a gentle heart. But, I have naught yet a heart to embrace them. A time may come when I can speak plainer but even as so, I seek not pity, as fair a gift a gentle heart has to offer. When I cannot receive what I desire, I desire nothing. Yet, sorrow and pride ail and frost even young hearts. Tears do not become less grievous if they are unheard.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Saturday, October 08, 2005
8.30pm
Well...because I was feeling a wee bit down... I went to look for jokes. I read alot, haha, and found
this one which I decided to post.
A student comes into a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes the door and kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair and gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean," she whispers, "... I would do ANYTHING!"
He returns her gaze,"Anything??"
"Yes, anything!" She says.
His voice turns into a whisper," Would you...study?"
this one which I decided to post.
A student comes into a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes the door and kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair and gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean," she whispers, "... I would do ANYTHING!"
He returns her gaze,"Anything??"
"Yes, anything!" She says.
His voice turns into a whisper," Would you...study?"
8.00pm
I feel extremely bored.. so I'm blogging again. My left shoulder feels very stiff and painful. I dunno why, but I always tend to strain my left arm. I'm right-handed, although I can use chopsticks with my left hand =P
I'm suddenly reminded of many things. They are swarming in my mind. You see a stubborn person like me, trying to remember what I had already chose to forget. So, I wont post anything more here. To supress my thoughts alittle. Plus, I dont want to write an essay. And my left arm really hurts. Now this blog really starts to feel like my diary. I'm writing even minute stuff like this. =O Bits and pieces of my mind.
I'm suddenly reminded of many things. They are swarming in my mind. You see a stubborn person like me, trying to remember what I had already chose to forget. So, I wont post anything more here. To supress my thoughts alittle. Plus, I dont want to write an essay. And my left arm really hurts. Now this blog really starts to feel like my diary. I'm writing even minute stuff like this. =O Bits and pieces of my mind.
D.I.Y. Ninjas
This is what happens when you got a 9 year old sister with access to internet: D.I.Y. Ninjas. Opps...we forgot our hand signs. And the picture is abit blur... know why? We were flying and zooming pass when the shot was taken. So...
1.00pm
This is the best time to laze.
It has been raining heavily for the past few days. I put the sasuages to grill. I realised, from the last time, that 10mins would make them overcooked and the plate would be difficult to scrub. But 9 mins means that the sasuages would look a bit raw. So... I closed my eyes and turn the knob. 12mins.
I never read past The Two Towers of LOTR. Everytime I open the book, I only read the fellowship and the two towers. Somehow, after 2 years, I never got to know how the king returned. I didnt even watch the movie. It seemed rather boring. =p There are no good movies lately. Most of them are horrors. So... I'm gonna watch Corpse Bride. Most suitable for a frail hearted person like me.
I have been wanting to write. But, I just cant summon enough energy in me to think, or even switch on the computer. Well, but you see me blogging. Some 'nothing special' stuff.
There is a buzz recently, in the local arts scene. Lotsa exhibitions. Normally I would have wanted to go... but reading the newspapers about them is interesting too. And nobody I know would wanna go to an arts exhibition with me. And, I dont like shopping. And, I dont really fancy pool, although I like ice mocha. I really love going to the movies. Xiaoming and xl said they would go for a movie marathon with me... but, there is no word yet. =(
So, what I do daily now, is to think about how indoor plants would impress my examiners, cook sasuages, jog in the morning, go swimming on weekends, then drink coke and mocha. But the school sells really horrid mocha. But I still drink them. Cos there's only one place in school which sells mocha. Boo! And there's no coke in school. Not even diet coke. Hmm... so what I drink in school each day, is less-than-perfect mocha and lemon tea. I would have liked lemon red-tea. But there's only lemon black-tea. But... I'm not that fussy in real life. I just like to comment =p I'll drink whatever my money can get me.
Some people may ask why I like coke. I would think if you interview 20 people in my school, you wouldnt find anyone who likes coca-cola. First, I must name my favourite drinks: coca-cola, coffee and tea. See the similarity? After drinking them for a decade, you get addicted. Another reason why I like coca-cola is because I feel lazy while drinking them =P So lazy I can forget all my problems in life. A regular coke from Mac can last me for about 2 hours. Because coke is so gassy, I wouldnt try drinking them in big gulps. So.. I only sip them slowly...enjoy the coldness, enjoy the sound of ice...and laze my day away.
Sounds lazy?
Certainly. I enjoy a laid back life. More and more. More than I have ever so. My room hadnt been cleaned for long. But I spent 2 hours yesterday clearing out my closet. I dumped a whole lot of clothes which were there since 8 years ago. But I dont think I will ever clear the other parts of the room. The whole floor is strewn with notes, dust, magazines, books, files, papers and more papers. I'm so tired of trying to sort them out. Yawn~
There are some things I dread doing now. Even if I really like them last time. I'll need a very long time to rest. I was watching a tv program yesterday and there was a line which struck me for a few minutes. It says: 放下了就别想它了。Which means: Dont think about it anymore after you had let it go.
So... I'll be a deity now? haha. I'm so lazy I wont think.
Right, I spent 20mins on blogging. It had stopped rainning. =( Wish there is wind. I love it when the wind howls and all the trees outside my house rustle. It feels so comfortable.
It has been raining heavily for the past few days. I put the sasuages to grill. I realised, from the last time, that 10mins would make them overcooked and the plate would be difficult to scrub. But 9 mins means that the sasuages would look a bit raw. So... I closed my eyes and turn the knob. 12mins.
I never read past The Two Towers of LOTR. Everytime I open the book, I only read the fellowship and the two towers. Somehow, after 2 years, I never got to know how the king returned. I didnt even watch the movie. It seemed rather boring. =p There are no good movies lately. Most of them are horrors. So... I'm gonna watch Corpse Bride. Most suitable for a frail hearted person like me.
I have been wanting to write. But, I just cant summon enough energy in me to think, or even switch on the computer. Well, but you see me blogging. Some 'nothing special' stuff.
There is a buzz recently, in the local arts scene. Lotsa exhibitions. Normally I would have wanted to go... but reading the newspapers about them is interesting too. And nobody I know would wanna go to an arts exhibition with me. And, I dont like shopping. And, I dont really fancy pool, although I like ice mocha. I really love going to the movies. Xiaoming and xl said they would go for a movie marathon with me... but, there is no word yet. =(
So, what I do daily now, is to think about how indoor plants would impress my examiners, cook sasuages, jog in the morning, go swimming on weekends, then drink coke and mocha. But the school sells really horrid mocha. But I still drink them. Cos there's only one place in school which sells mocha. Boo! And there's no coke in school. Not even diet coke. Hmm... so what I drink in school each day, is less-than-perfect mocha and lemon tea. I would have liked lemon red-tea. But there's only lemon black-tea. But... I'm not that fussy in real life. I just like to comment =p I'll drink whatever my money can get me.
Some people may ask why I like coke. I would think if you interview 20 people in my school, you wouldnt find anyone who likes coca-cola. First, I must name my favourite drinks: coca-cola, coffee and tea. See the similarity? After drinking them for a decade, you get addicted. Another reason why I like coca-cola is because I feel lazy while drinking them =P So lazy I can forget all my problems in life. A regular coke from Mac can last me for about 2 hours. Because coke is so gassy, I wouldnt try drinking them in big gulps. So.. I only sip them slowly...enjoy the coldness, enjoy the sound of ice...and laze my day away.
Sounds lazy?
Certainly. I enjoy a laid back life. More and more. More than I have ever so. My room hadnt been cleaned for long. But I spent 2 hours yesterday clearing out my closet. I dumped a whole lot of clothes which were there since 8 years ago. But I dont think I will ever clear the other parts of the room. The whole floor is strewn with notes, dust, magazines, books, files, papers and more papers. I'm so tired of trying to sort them out. Yawn~
There are some things I dread doing now. Even if I really like them last time. I'll need a very long time to rest. I was watching a tv program yesterday and there was a line which struck me for a few minutes. It says: 放下了就别想它了。Which means: Dont think about it anymore after you had let it go.
So... I'll be a deity now? haha. I'm so lazy I wont think.
Right, I spent 20mins on blogging. It had stopped rainning. =( Wish there is wind. I love it when the wind howls and all the trees outside my house rustle. It feels so comfortable.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Extremely unfocused during exam period.
Today, as I was doing my daily routine of thinking aloud in my bedroom, I suddenly formulated a full arguement which I intend to make known to our board of principals. Actually, I'm so damn scared of being rebutted by Mrs. Tay. She's one hell of a person, and I dont really dare to look into her eyes when I talk to her... she has this ability to make me feel like a deflated balloon...but I reckon I shant be deterred. In any case, I'm writing a letter so.. haha, no worries bout see through eyes.
I'm gonna try to put across my best arguement, lolz. Cos this mrs.tay really has a thousand reasons to rebutt any person's point. Actually I just hope that the school will be less protective of its policies and hear what the students has to say. An annual 40-min student forum is just highly unuseful. =_= I think we need to be offered a consistent platform to not only air our views but only to horne our thinking and arguing skills. They keep telling us that we arent thinking enough and keep pressing the fact that our moral values are wrong... that's making me angry. Anyway... I think it's just absolutely fun, to make loads of points and get rebutted by other people and suddenly realise how shallow we are in our thinking. hehe. Individually, it's just too hard for us to turn ourselves and see things from a different perspective.
But even if the school adopts my idea, I doubt the response will be very enthusiastic.. but I'll try to persuade my friends around me.. since after the exams they should be quite free..but there's still this project =_= grrr..the presentation is gonna keep everybody off their feet...but I'll just try to send in a letter to the principals first. =p
Er.. I have to say this: The student councillors are incompetent! If they want someone to do the announcements, they recruit people with nicer voice. I'm just feeling lamed because I see the president of the S.C. making the announcements there daily and can fully understand why nobody in the right mind will tell you that AJC is a vibrant school.
So, classsssssssss.........supppppooorttttt meeeee!
I'm gonna try to put across my best arguement, lolz. Cos this mrs.tay really has a thousand reasons to rebutt any person's point. Actually I just hope that the school will be less protective of its policies and hear what the students has to say. An annual 40-min student forum is just highly unuseful. =_= I think we need to be offered a consistent platform to not only air our views but only to horne our thinking and arguing skills. They keep telling us that we arent thinking enough and keep pressing the fact that our moral values are wrong... that's making me angry. Anyway... I think it's just absolutely fun, to make loads of points and get rebutted by other people and suddenly realise how shallow we are in our thinking. hehe. Individually, it's just too hard for us to turn ourselves and see things from a different perspective.
But even if the school adopts my idea, I doubt the response will be very enthusiastic.. but I'll try to persuade my friends around me.. since after the exams they should be quite free..but there's still this project =_= grrr..the presentation is gonna keep everybody off their feet...but I'll just try to send in a letter to the principals first. =p
Er.. I have to say this: The student councillors are incompetent! If they want someone to do the announcements, they recruit people with nicer voice. I'm just feeling lamed because I see the president of the S.C. making the announcements there daily and can fully understand why nobody in the right mind will tell you that AJC is a vibrant school.
So, classsssssssss.........supppppooorttttt meeeee!
Indignant!! But =D
I'm bored...so I took all the tests until I felt happy again =p Your Power Color Is Teal |
 At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?" |
| Your IQ Is 115 |
 Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Average |
A Quick and Dirty IQ Test
| Your World View |
You are a happy, well-balanced person who likes people and is liked by others. You question whether many conventional views on morality are valid under all circumstances. You are essentially a content person. Sometimes, you consider yourself a little superior. You are moral by your own standards. You believe that morality is what best suits the occasion. |
| Your Ideal Relationship is Friends Only |
 Honestly, you're not really ready for a relationship right now. And you prefer to keep things platonic, for now. That's not to say that one of your friends could be dating material. You're just taking a break for now. |
| Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover |
 You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you! Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter. You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you. You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover. Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives. Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours. No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover. |
| You Are 22 Years Old |
 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
| How You Are In Love |
 You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You give completely and unconditionally in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance. |
| You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish |
You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. |
| The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
| Slow and Steady |
 Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it. |
What Your Sleeping Position Says |
You are calm and rational. You are also giving and kind - a great friend. You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games. |
| Your Hidden Talent |
 You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words. You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel. People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation. When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers. |
| Your Inner Child Is Happy |
 You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing. You're cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes. And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad. You figure there's just so many great things to look forward to. |
| You Are Chinese Food |
 Exotic yet ordinary. People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour. |
| You Are Balanced - Realist - Empowered |
You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally. You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go. Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control. Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow. You are a realist when it comes to luck. You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random. You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you... But you do your best to try to make your own luck. You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order. You realize that working the system does get you further. You know who to defer to and who to control. When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly. |
| How You Life Your Life |
 You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You're open to new people and friends, which makes you a pretty popular person. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable. |
| You Are 70% Weird |
 You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks! |
| You're an Expert Kisser |
 You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable |
| Your Personality Profile |
 You are pure, moral, and adaptable. You tend to blend into your surroundings. Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends. You believe that you live a virtuous life... And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye. As a result, people tend to crave your approval. |
Monday, October 03, 2005
6pm just woke up, just finished dinner.
At 5.30pm I was planning to write something but I typed a few sentences and realised I'm not in the mood to write anything. Today had been another normal day, just that the exams leaves everyone in a tensed mood and I wouldnt take a gamble to pluck the taut strings. So.. I'm just lazing around on my blog while everyone else is mugging away.
I'm not feeling upset. I'm just not thinking. I read a passage the other day. It tells us that what makes us give up is not failure, but tiredness. Hmm... I'm tired. To the extent of not thinking. If I could draw a picture, I would draw a person walking on a path, while arrows are being shot through him. Well, what I mean is, I'm letting things shoot through me and feeling nothing. Not that I'm feeling completely nothing, but I learnt that to give in to feelings is an unwise thing to do. But I'm not gearing up any negative feelings. I'm just, well, feeling nothing. Or rather, felt a thing for a fraction of a second and then...returned to normal. As should be the sensible thing to do. But..love is not about sensibility and I'm out of the topic.
But the fact remains that I updated my blog with something that's not cheerful. So... I'm really not a person of principles?
I had a few bad dreams last night and the worst one was a about a ghost dragging me off my bed. Now that I think of it, it appears a little funny. But I assure you that I was darn scared when I had dreamt it. And it was the first time (at least in my memory) that I woke up with a terrible urge to call someone and tell him that I just had a bad dream. But... well, obviously I didnt and now I feel a wee bit embarrassed for feeling so.
On a lighter note, I'll now make a list of my secret ambitions. And another list of what I really wanna be. The difference between the 2 lists is that the 1st list contains fantansy while the 2nd list can be achievable if I tried hard enough.
The list(s) is in no order of merit. ^^
List 1:
#1: FBI, a really cool one, complete with guns and bombs and murders and cars and all.
#2: A powerful witch. With a smirk. In the medieval times.
#3: A kung-fu expert (preferably those kind with a sad past) living in solitude. (The movie, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon should give a vague idea.)
#4: A bomb defuser. (preferably with long sexy legs and porcelain complexion. You know Kristanna Loken? =p)
#5: An imperial concubine. (conditions apply. 1) the emperor must be young and dashing 2) the emperor must be devoted to me =x 3) there must be a lot of odds for us to overcome)
#6: An ancient egyptian princess. Alluring. (a note of interest: The Mummy is 1 of my fav movie)
#7: An elf. (I really love enid blyton but I dont read them anymore.)
#8: Or a fairy
#9: Or a greek goddess =p
#10: Or a chinese deity! 太上老君及及如玉令！I dont mind being a Taoist priest either. ^^ I read too much 聊 齋 誌 異. =p
#10: A hollywood star (this one may be quite common. Well, I'm just another girl)
#11: A lady, belonging to the Victorian Era. Waiting for my gentleman. =p (I'm suddenly reminded of Shakepeare. But... shakespeare is Elizabethan Era. But i picked Victorian Era bcos of something called romanticism.)
#12: A military personnel. In fact, any. I just love the military. (I'm too short to become an SAF pilot la. T_T T_T T_T I got the application form and realised I'm too short. =.=)
List 2:
#1: An archeologist.
#2: A historian. hehe.
#3: A paleontologist
#4: An astronomer. (I dont like the 10th planet, but it has a moon. Yewww... so beautiful. Moons are romantic :p)
#5: Wildlife expert =D
#6: Travel writer
#7: Chess exponent
#8: Mythologist
#9: A stage actress or soap opera singer.
#10: Criminologist!
#11: Disaster relief worker.
=> One must take note that I dont really fancy saving the world. =p Whatever I do, I ask for emotional rewards.
One can see from the lists, that my studies contribute nothing much towards achieving my, well, desires. But, I assure everyone that for every single thing I listed above, I spent a good part of my life researching, er..maybe not researching, but reading intensively on them. hehe. It's the only thing I can do, read about my interests. =( And now I must read about how glucose molecules form bonds with water molecules.
I'm not feeling upset. I'm just not thinking. I read a passage the other day. It tells us that what makes us give up is not failure, but tiredness. Hmm... I'm tired. To the extent of not thinking. If I could draw a picture, I would draw a person walking on a path, while arrows are being shot through him. Well, what I mean is, I'm letting things shoot through me and feeling nothing. Not that I'm feeling completely nothing, but I learnt that to give in to feelings is an unwise thing to do. But I'm not gearing up any negative feelings. I'm just, well, feeling nothing. Or rather, felt a thing for a fraction of a second and then...returned to normal. As should be the sensible thing to do. But..love is not about sensibility and I'm out of the topic.
But the fact remains that I updated my blog with something that's not cheerful. So... I'm really not a person of principles?
I had a few bad dreams last night and the worst one was a about a ghost dragging me off my bed. Now that I think of it, it appears a little funny. But I assure you that I was darn scared when I had dreamt it. And it was the first time (at least in my memory) that I woke up with a terrible urge to call someone and tell him that I just had a bad dream. But... well, obviously I didnt and now I feel a wee bit embarrassed for feeling so.
On a lighter note, I'll now make a list of my secret ambitions. And another list of what I really wanna be. The difference between the 2 lists is that the 1st list contains fantansy while the 2nd list can be achievable if I tried hard enough.
The list(s) is in no order of merit. ^^
List 1:
#1: FBI, a really cool one, complete with guns and bombs and murders and cars and all.
#2: A powerful witch. With a smirk. In the medieval times.
#3: A kung-fu expert (preferably those kind with a sad past) living in solitude. (The movie, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon should give a vague idea.)
#4: A bomb defuser. (preferably with long sexy legs and porcelain complexion. You know Kristanna Loken? =p)
#5: An imperial concubine. (conditions apply. 1) the emperor must be young and dashing 2) the emperor must be devoted to me =x 3) there must be a lot of odds for us to overcome)
#6: An ancient egyptian princess. Alluring. (a note of interest: The Mummy is 1 of my fav movie)
#7: An elf. (I really love enid blyton but I dont read them anymore.)
#8: Or a fairy
#9: Or a greek goddess =p
#10: Or a chinese deity! 太上老君及及如玉令！I dont mind being a Taoist priest either. ^^ I read too much 聊 齋 誌 異. =p
#10: A hollywood star (this one may be quite common. Well, I'm just another girl)
#11: A lady, belonging to the Victorian Era. Waiting for my gentleman. =p (I'm suddenly reminded of Shakepeare. But... shakespeare is Elizabethan Era. But i picked Victorian Era bcos of something called romanticism.)
#12: A military personnel. In fact, any. I just love the military. (I'm too short to become an SAF pilot la. T_T T_T T_T I got the application form and realised I'm too short. =.=)
List 2:
#1: An archeologist.
#2: A historian. hehe.
#3: A paleontologist
#4: An astronomer. (I dont like the 10th planet, but it has a moon. Yewww... so beautiful. Moons are romantic :p)
#5: Wildlife expert =D
#6: Travel writer
#7: Chess exponent
#8: Mythologist
#9: A stage actress or soap opera singer.
#10: Criminologist!
#11: Disaster relief worker.
=> One must take note that I dont really fancy saving the world. =p Whatever I do, I ask for emotional rewards.
One can see from the lists, that my studies contribute nothing much towards achieving my, well, desires. But, I assure everyone that for every single thing I listed above, I spent a good part of my life researching, er..maybe not researching, but reading intensively on them. hehe. It's the only thing I can do, read about my interests. =( And now I must read about how glucose molecules form bonds with water molecules.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
I'm trying too hard.
The snowflakes doesnt show on my blog. T_T
They show up on the preview page but not my blog! T_T
Spent hours on it. But it still wouldnt snow. =.=
=(
I must write something more meaningful. Haiz.. thrashing around here with no audience... or audience that pretends not to be here... is very meaningless. And to be alone, free to think, to imagine, is highly unhealthy. And tiring. Haiz... haiz.. haiz... T_T I dont want the sinister black devil. I want some smiles, plenty of jokes and plenty of chats. Haiz.... T_T During which part of the road did I lose myself? T_T I wanna reclaim it.
I republished every single post on my blog. Even those that I wrote and saved as drafts for a very long time. As I clicked on to republish them, I realise most of the posts, these few months, were of similar genre. Which leads me to realise how much I had grown and how much I had not. In my world, a problem had existed for a long time and I have blogged enough about it. I have been trying and trying to solve it through writing and writing. After blogging for so long, the problem remains stubbornly unsolved. So, I should stop blogging?
After reading about 100 posts on the same topic, it is not hard to predict the content of the next post I make. And this conclusion left me astounded. =o I mean, it makes me feel flustered. I'm always afraid. Anyway, I'm made very exhausted by the problem and have formulated thousands of views on it, a huge fraction which I didnt manage to blog here.
I kept doing and undoing the problem. Sometimes I wonder how the problem arisen. Or whether if it's only my own problem or wadever wadever. Actually the problem involves mainly 2 parties. Obviously one of them is me. We seemed to have talked about it twice and things appear to be resoloved? But, I keep doing and undoing it. And because I was the one who kept undoing it, I didnt want to infringe it upon others. A friend reckons that I should talk it out again. She says it's my right. But you see, I have too little confidence. And lately, I begin to realise that I too, have very little confidence in the friendship that I once held with someone. Perhaps it's the change in events that strained matters. Or maybe, I read too much into it. Or maybe, I have always been imagining how good things were? HA! That would sadden me greatly, if one day, I were to ever able to verify it. Maybe I cant remember what we used to chat about and perhaps I never wanna recall again, since, I am dawned upon the fact that the person I thought to be, is not what I thought to be. So... wads the verdict?
I cant seem to take it lightly and be reminded that it's a virtual thing altogether. Although, I know rather clearly that it's always the people to be blamed, not the system. But... to blame the person means a harder reality to accept. I must really stop writing this essay. If there's a friend who understood me enough, he can already guess whats on my mind. Otherwise, sooner or later, the disparity in thinking, would drive us apart anyway. I can already feel it, through the little interactions that we can manage. Maybe one party had changed. Or maybe both changed. Or none changed. You know, imagine two lines travelling. As long as they have diverging gradients, they will seperate, no matter how close together they started. As time goes by, the gap will be so widen that they may never meet again and maybe those two lines would have forgotten how close they had started as. Hmm... this is my state of mentality for now. Perhaps we both lost the enthusiasm we used to have for each other. If I can know this friend enough to predict whats on his mind. Everything is of indication. And my beliefs are based on what I see.
Two days later, I probably would have formulated more ideas on my mind but any reader of my blog probably wouldnt get to hear it, since I feel I have blogged too much on the same problem and must find other means of resolving it. It's a battle against myself, since no1 else seems to care and I can hardly blame them. If there's someone, then it's an added bonus, if there's no1.... then I must really reflect: how many true friends have I made? =o In any case, I go at my own speed... and normally I wouldnt talk about it to anyone else. So, even if someone asks me, "Are you ok?" One can expect me to say, "Dont worry, I'm ok." But... haiz.. I dont wish to elaborate any further because I'm going in circles. The reason why I keep blogging and blogging and blogging, is because I cant let it go. See? I already know the problem but I dont solve it. But because it's something that once touched me greatly, I cannot forget easily. Haiz.. but I'm quite sure that I appear to be the only one who thinks there's a problem. There is nothing else to prove otherwise. Haiz.. saddens me to feel so. Meaning the disparity had grown even wider. T_T And I had been fooled all along? I'm doubting what I had once felt. And from my verdict, I begin to hate. So.. now my reader now gets a better understanding to the birth of my black devil? If my doubts are correct, then... man... should I really hate. But... I... I'm getting dizzy and I dont want to initiate any more talks. I'm so tired I could cry. And I'm not busy at all, I have time for anything in the world. But... we're just no longer as enthusiastic as before. If the present state remains... well, the lines just continue to diverge. Since both lines are passive (maybe only I'm passive. Because I realise I do not know anyone well enough to speak for him), inevitably, we are heading different ways, as we have always been, as I have always not realised and when I realise, I make a scene of it because I cant accept it gracefully. Maybe these things just come and go. But I like to go against the crowd. And tortue myself. But I'm not as non-chalant. Still, one day, I'll be able to take it lightly. Not because I dont believe in myself anymore, but because time has diluted what I once treasured.
Until I think of something cheerful to write, I wont update my blog anymore. In case you are lost in my ocean of words, the reason, I have already stated above. If you are free and cared enough to know, just re-read lor. =) My mentality... should be rather clear. Although I like to speak in riddles and codes. But I musnt make things ugly. No. I think we are both beautists. (In my context, this word means someone who doesnt enjoy talking things out la. Just remain as it is and hoping it would disappear. Woot, that's really bleak.)
I must try to bear it in mind. Yea? Yea. =(
They show up on the preview page but not my blog! T_T
Spent hours on it. But it still wouldnt snow. =.=
=(
I must write something more meaningful. Haiz.. thrashing around here with no audience... or audience that pretends not to be here... is very meaningless. And to be alone, free to think, to imagine, is highly unhealthy. And tiring. Haiz... haiz.. haiz... T_T I dont want the sinister black devil. I want some smiles, plenty of jokes and plenty of chats. Haiz.... T_T During which part of the road did I lose myself? T_T I wanna reclaim it.
I republished every single post on my blog. Even those that I wrote and saved as drafts for a very long time. As I clicked on to republish them, I realise most of the posts, these few months, were of similar genre. Which leads me to realise how much I had grown and how much I had not. In my world, a problem had existed for a long time and I have blogged enough about it. I have been trying and trying to solve it through writing and writing. After blogging for so long, the problem remains stubbornly unsolved. So, I should stop blogging?
After reading about 100 posts on the same topic, it is not hard to predict the content of the next post I make. And this conclusion left me astounded. =o I mean, it makes me feel flustered. I'm always afraid. Anyway, I'm made very exhausted by the problem and have formulated thousands of views on it, a huge fraction which I didnt manage to blog here.
I kept doing and undoing the problem. Sometimes I wonder how the problem arisen. Or whether if it's only my own problem or wadever wadever. Actually the problem involves mainly 2 parties. Obviously one of them is me. We seemed to have talked about it twice and things appear to be resoloved? But, I keep doing and undoing it. And because I was the one who kept undoing it, I didnt want to infringe it upon others. A friend reckons that I should talk it out again. She says it's my right. But you see, I have too little confidence. And lately, I begin to realise that I too, have very little confidence in the friendship that I once held with someone. Perhaps it's the change in events that strained matters. Or maybe, I read too much into it. Or maybe, I have always been imagining how good things were? HA! That would sadden me greatly, if one day, I were to ever able to verify it. Maybe I cant remember what we used to chat about and perhaps I never wanna recall again, since, I am dawned upon the fact that the person I thought to be, is not what I thought to be. So... wads the verdict?
I cant seem to take it lightly and be reminded that it's a virtual thing altogether. Although, I know rather clearly that it's always the people to be blamed, not the system. But... to blame the person means a harder reality to accept. I must really stop writing this essay. If there's a friend who understood me enough, he can already guess whats on my mind. Otherwise, sooner or later, the disparity in thinking, would drive us apart anyway. I can already feel it, through the little interactions that we can manage. Maybe one party had changed. Or maybe both changed. Or none changed. You know, imagine two lines travelling. As long as they have diverging gradients, they will seperate, no matter how close together they started. As time goes by, the gap will be so widen that they may never meet again and maybe those two lines would have forgotten how close they had started as. Hmm... this is my state of mentality for now. Perhaps we both lost the enthusiasm we used to have for each other. If I can know this friend enough to predict whats on his mind. Everything is of indication. And my beliefs are based on what I see.
Two days later, I probably would have formulated more ideas on my mind but any reader of my blog probably wouldnt get to hear it, since I feel I have blogged too much on the same problem and must find other means of resolving it. It's a battle against myself, since no1 else seems to care and I can hardly blame them. If there's someone, then it's an added bonus, if there's no1.... then I must really reflect: how many true friends have I made? =o In any case, I go at my own speed... and normally I wouldnt talk about it to anyone else. So, even if someone asks me, "Are you ok?" One can expect me to say, "Dont worry, I'm ok." But... haiz.. I dont wish to elaborate any further because I'm going in circles. The reason why I keep blogging and blogging and blogging, is because I cant let it go. See? I already know the problem but I dont solve it. But because it's something that once touched me greatly, I cannot forget easily. Haiz.. but I'm quite sure that I appear to be the only one who thinks there's a problem. There is nothing else to prove otherwise. Haiz.. saddens me to feel so. Meaning the disparity had grown even wider. T_T And I had been fooled all along? I'm doubting what I had once felt. And from my verdict, I begin to hate. So.. now my reader now gets a better understanding to the birth of my black devil? If my doubts are correct, then... man... should I really hate. But... I... I'm getting dizzy and I dont want to initiate any more talks. I'm so tired I could cry. And I'm not busy at all, I have time for anything in the world. But... we're just no longer as enthusiastic as before. If the present state remains... well, the lines just continue to diverge. Since both lines are passive (maybe only I'm passive. Because I realise I do not know anyone well enough to speak for him), inevitably, we are heading different ways, as we have always been, as I have always not realised and when I realise, I make a scene of it because I cant accept it gracefully. Maybe these things just come and go. But I like to go against the crowd. And tortue myself. But I'm not as non-chalant. Still, one day, I'll be able to take it lightly. Not because I dont believe in myself anymore, but because time has diluted what I once treasured.
Until I think of something cheerful to write, I wont update my blog anymore. In case you are lost in my ocean of words, the reason, I have already stated above. If you are free and cared enough to know, just re-read lor. =) My mentality... should be rather clear. Although I like to speak in riddles and codes. But I musnt make things ugly. No. I think we are both beautists. (In my context, this word means someone who doesnt enjoy talking things out la. Just remain as it is and hoping it would disappear. Woot, that's really bleak.)
I must try to bear it in mind. Yea? Yea. =(
What that devours, day and night.
=_____________=
I'm drunk! And I'm annoyed! And =.= Where art thou, my love?
T_T
Where's my little sinister black devil? Come, creep out with your spears, creep all over me and help your master. Search all nooks and cranny, kill the weak soft fair damsels. They are making your master drunk again. And boy are they stubborn. So stubborn. Extremely stubborn. Sweet devil, if you cant help your master kill them, I'll tear you apart and grind your bones, drink your blood and you'll suffer a fate worse than the damsels. zzz.
I have a headache and should sleep.
Kill the damsels and when I wake up, I wanna see nobody. Including you slaves. =.= Filthy loathesome slaves............................................................
Sweet damsels, I cannot let you all live. Hide yourselves. Hide well. Ride out the storm and when your master meets the next gallant knight, she will call for you again. She's in a frenzy, in a lost, in deep mourning, in great distress. Dont be wiped out by her though. Huddle together and wait for the skies to clear. Hush and dont let her hear your sweet rustles. She's in a storming mood. But I've seen her lock up and cry. The witch. But her heart had been broken and lost. I'm the little sinister black devil. GAAA!!!
I'm drunk! And I'm annoyed! And =.= Where art thou, my love?
T_T
Where's my little sinister black devil? Come, creep out with your spears, creep all over me and help your master. Search all nooks and cranny, kill the weak soft fair damsels. They are making your master drunk again. And boy are they stubborn. So stubborn. Extremely stubborn. Sweet devil, if you cant help your master kill them, I'll tear you apart and grind your bones, drink your blood and you'll suffer a fate worse than the damsels. zzz.
I have a headache and should sleep.
Kill the damsels and when I wake up, I wanna see nobody. Including you slaves. =.= Filthy loathesome slaves............................................................
Sweet damsels, I cannot let you all live. Hide yourselves. Hide well. Ride out the storm and when your master meets the next gallant knight, she will call for you again. She's in a frenzy, in a lost, in deep mourning, in great distress. Dont be wiped out by her though. Huddle together and wait for the skies to clear. Hush and dont let her hear your sweet rustles. She's in a storming mood. But I've seen her lock up and cry. The witch. But her heart had been broken and lost. I'm the little sinister black devil. GAAA!!!
Lone Mountain Ranger
2mins ago, I was very eager to update my blog. I have so many ideas in my mind that when I have to start typing here, I find the eagerness diminishing. Hmm... like any other thing in life, there is a need for foreplay. To warm up, yea? =) So, I'll start relating my day in the most boring way.
Once again, I managed to sleep for 12hours straight and was awaken this morning by my mother who asked me if I wanted to visit my brother who was admitted to hospital last night. Very normally, I would respond in a grouchy and irritated manner, as if flicking off a stubborn tick, and answer, no. But ya know? The OP workshop thought me an extremely meaningful thing. That is the powers of powerpause. So I went through an internal struggle for 2 sec, to stop me from shooting out a annoyed, no, and I answered with a brilliant, yes. And.. some mum threw a shirt in my face. =) I stared at the clock and did a quick mental calculation of how long I slept, then decided to get out of bed immediately. I almost wanted to jump out of it, to jumpstart my day, yea? But I'm too lazy. Before I left the house, I left my MP3 player to charge because I forgot to do so last night.
I went through a hell lot of thinking last night, again. And after battling with my mind, coupled with a few acts of depression and crying, my life is now smooth again. My mind is like a Wrangler. And it hadnt stopped moving, cause my mind wouldnt stop thinking. Sometimes the rides are so smooth I could be yelling at the top of my lungs. Sometimes the roads are so bumpy I could crash the jeep into rocky walls. At times, like now... the ride can be so smooth that I can smirk and speed at the same time. Yea. I'm sorry I couldnt find a good depiction of the Wrangler that I have on my mind. It's a pity that I'm a rouge artist, otherwise I'll just draw what I have on my mind. Normally I think in images. Yesterday I drove my jeep at top speed and crashed around the desert, doing as much damage to it as possible... but, I fell asleep halfway through. When I woke up... I'm already driving smoothly.
My father had a very unpleasant encounter at the hospital yesterday. I had an extreme urge to write to the forums...but he wasnt very enthusiastic. So, I sorta gave up the idea. I was also reminded that I had intended to write to the forums about the blogging controversy which had gone on for about a week. Yea. It's highly interesting and I intend to be part of the crossfire. I wouldnt mind running foolishly to the frontline and get shot in the head before I shoot anyone else. At least it is good experience. My sentiments lies COMPLETELY with the JC students. Yea yea. I'm completely with blogging and unleashing the god-dammit things on blogs. I'm not going to even care if the 5 students wrote things that were immature and irrational. At least I'm gonna pretend that I dont care. Then secretly I'll go do some homework, read what they wrote, dig out all the news paper reports on this topic and then go find out how the students were dealt with, find out what the others think, then read up on the Teachers' Union thingy, then read up on the law about free speech and slander.. then write my own essay, be very happy and decide on whether to send it to the press ornot. Haha. I wonder if I'm gonna get suspended because I wrote all these. I wouldnt like being assasinated before I put on my battle gear and fight, ya know? :'( <--- this face is sarcastic. =)
My mother got a very sticky problem to deal with and today, I'm finally able to enter the battle between her and her siblings. Hoho. Not face to face of course, since I'm just a little fry. I doubt they would give a thought to the quiet little innocent and rather plump kiddo a second look as they show their ugliest side while fighting teeth to teeth. I would rather not be drawn to the main fighting. You know... the outsiders can see clearer thingy? In this battle, everyone is an enemy. Let me quickly introduce the parties involved and describe what had happened at the warfront. So, there's this Big Aunt of mine, who is abit like ahem, the soviet union. She's a very clever person. And she's a smiling aligator. Woohoo. That makes her very interesting. But she makes me feel like spitting on her because I hold her in high esteem and she has to do things that make me feel that my world is not innocent anymore. =( At the moment she's the common enemy of all the other siblings, there are 7 althogether, but I gotta be wary of the other unseemingly unimportant parties too. You see, they thought my grandma would die, then they bared their teeth, showed their tails and AHA!!! You shown your true colors la. Cannot hide liao. You show it for 1 sec only, I remember forever la. Make me sad. I thought you were very nice. See, how naive I am. They had to do such ridiculous things and they had been so real, in acting! Shake hands please. I'll nominate you for Oscars. haha.
Back to the topic. There's a very sticky problem at hand.. and I'll just have to deal with one at a time. Besides the BIG AUNT, I have to fight a battle against my mum. Well, I could have told her, yea yea, just thrash it out and what we say in chinese, tear the faces apart. But... my mum genuienely treasures the sisterly bond, although her sister does things like putting rat poison in her food (I'm kidding). But I just keep thinking of a cartoon I had seen. It's about Stalin shaking hands with Hitler. Haha. Gotta have abit of historical background to understand this. I'm not saying my mum is Hitler. My mum is League of Nations. The relationship is very complicated and I dont intend to describe in full details here. So infuriating. My concentration is breaking. Cos the hatred thing is starting to wake up in me. It's dancing, it seems rather happy. I gotta find some way to slap it and put it to sleep. And my hatred had nothing to do with Hitler or Stalin. It was acquired some time ago and I intend for it to be a slave. Occassionally I'll let it out to bite people, but it's my slave, yea? It's under me. Dun worry about it riding on me, the time had not come yet. But a smart person knows how to use a dangerous tool. There's a risk to everything, of course, but.. zz. I shant say anymore, it confuses me. I'm already confused enough. zzzz. I'm getting annoyed. Need to slap the black loathesome devil. It's distracting me. T_T zzzz. Gotta end here.
Once again, I managed to sleep for 12hours straight and was awaken this morning by my mother who asked me if I wanted to visit my brother who was admitted to hospital last night. Very normally, I would respond in a grouchy and irritated manner, as if flicking off a stubborn tick, and answer, no. But ya know? The OP workshop thought me an extremely meaningful thing. That is the powers of powerpause. So I went through an internal struggle for 2 sec, to stop me from shooting out a annoyed, no, and I answered with a brilliant, yes. And.. some mum threw a shirt in my face. =) I stared at the clock and did a quick mental calculation of how long I slept, then decided to get out of bed immediately. I almost wanted to jump out of it, to jumpstart my day, yea? But I'm too lazy. Before I left the house, I left my MP3 player to charge because I forgot to do so last night.
I went through a hell lot of thinking last night, again. And after battling with my mind, coupled with a few acts of depression and crying, my life is now smooth again. My mind is like a Wrangler. And it hadnt stopped moving, cause my mind wouldnt stop thinking. Sometimes the rides are so smooth I could be yelling at the top of my lungs. Sometimes the roads are so bumpy I could crash the jeep into rocky walls. At times, like now... the ride can be so smooth that I can smirk and speed at the same time. Yea. I'm sorry I couldnt find a good depiction of the Wrangler that I have on my mind. It's a pity that I'm a rouge artist, otherwise I'll just draw what I have on my mind. Normally I think in images. Yesterday I drove my jeep at top speed and crashed around the desert, doing as much damage to it as possible... but, I fell asleep halfway through. When I woke up... I'm already driving smoothly.
My father had a very unpleasant encounter at the hospital yesterday. I had an extreme urge to write to the forums...but he wasnt very enthusiastic. So, I sorta gave up the idea. I was also reminded that I had intended to write to the forums about the blogging controversy which had gone on for about a week. Yea. It's highly interesting and I intend to be part of the crossfire. I wouldnt mind running foolishly to the frontline and get shot in the head before I shoot anyone else. At least it is good experience. My sentiments lies COMPLETELY with the JC students. Yea yea. I'm completely with blogging and unleashing the god-dammit things on blogs. I'm not going to even care if the 5 students wrote things that were immature and irrational. At least I'm gonna pretend that I dont care. Then secretly I'll go do some homework, read what they wrote, dig out all the news paper reports on this topic and then go find out how the students were dealt with, find out what the others think, then read up on the Teachers' Union thingy, then read up on the law about free speech and slander.. then write my own essay, be very happy and decide on whether to send it to the press ornot. Haha. I wonder if I'm gonna get suspended because I wrote all these. I wouldnt like being assasinated before I put on my battle gear and fight, ya know? :'( <--- this face is sarcastic. =)
My mother got a very sticky problem to deal with and today, I'm finally able to enter the battle between her and her siblings. Hoho. Not face to face of course, since I'm just a little fry. I doubt they would give a thought to the quiet little innocent and rather plump kiddo a second look as they show their ugliest side while fighting teeth to teeth. I would rather not be drawn to the main fighting. You know... the outsiders can see clearer thingy? In this battle, everyone is an enemy. Let me quickly introduce the parties involved and describe what had happened at the warfront. So, there's this Big Aunt of mine, who is abit like ahem, the soviet union. She's a very clever person. And she's a smiling aligator. Woohoo. That makes her very interesting. But she makes me feel like spitting on her because I hold her in high esteem and she has to do things that make me feel that my world is not innocent anymore. =( At the moment she's the common enemy of all the other siblings, there are 7 althogether, but I gotta be wary of the other unseemingly unimportant parties too. You see, they thought my grandma would die, then they bared their teeth, showed their tails and AHA!!! You shown your true colors la. Cannot hide liao. You show it for 1 sec only, I remember forever la. Make me sad. I thought you were very nice. See, how naive I am. They had to do such ridiculous things and they had been so real, in acting! Shake hands please. I'll nominate you for Oscars. haha.
Back to the topic. There's a very sticky problem at hand.. and I'll just have to deal with one at a time. Besides the BIG AUNT, I have to fight a battle against my mum. Well, I could have told her, yea yea, just thrash it out and what we say in chinese, tear the faces apart. But... my mum genuienely treasures the sisterly bond, although her sister does things like putting rat poison in her food (I'm kidding). But I just keep thinking of a cartoon I had seen. It's about Stalin shaking hands with Hitler. Haha. Gotta have abit of historical background to understand this. I'm not saying my mum is Hitler. My mum is League of Nations. The relationship is very complicated and I dont intend to describe in full details here. So infuriating. My concentration is breaking. Cos the hatred thing is starting to wake up in me. It's dancing, it seems rather happy. I gotta find some way to slap it and put it to sleep. And my hatred had nothing to do with Hitler or Stalin. It was acquired some time ago and I intend for it to be a slave. Occassionally I'll let it out to bite people, but it's my slave, yea? It's under me. Dun worry about it riding on me, the time had not come yet. But a smart person knows how to use a dangerous tool. There's a risk to everything, of course, but.. zz. I shant say anymore, it confuses me. I'm already confused enough. zzzz. I'm getting annoyed. Need to slap the black loathesome devil. It's distracting me. T_T zzzz. Gotta end here.
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