Sleeping awake

Before I start, I would like to thank the 2(or 3) people who read my blog. (u know who) Sometimes I'm reluctant to share the things in my blog, for they came straight from my heart(or mind), prefering to keep them nicely stashed away and out of sight. It feels rather embarassing to let people see these silly thoughts. Honestly, I had wanted to delete "A sudden troubled thought", for I think I may have spoke too much. However I woke up to find a msg left behind and I thought it wldnt be nice if I deleted something which someone took the effort to write.

Back to the topic.
I realise I have to sleep 10-12hrs a day. That is if possible. Normal days I slp only 6hrs. Today is the last day of my school holiday. Today I woke up at 4.30pm(I fall aslp ard 6am) from a rather "exciting sleep". Exactly how exciting it is, I will get to that later. I cldnt get to slp initially, cos the morning light was already shining through the window. I cant stand slping in light. They make me quite irritable, esp when I'm trying to relax myself. Maybe the next time I wld get something to cover my eyes. It is impt that I mention the conditions in which I fall aslp as I thought they may be accountable for disturbed slp I have ltr on.

Perhaps, the reason why I slp for so long is because I dream alot. The fragments of the dreams that are still on my mind are rather hazy already. But I will try my best to recount. Many books that I read about dreams indicated that feelings are the most important aspect of dreams. Many people think it is the incident in your dreams that counts. So, I will try my best to relate the feelings that I had when I'm dreaming.

The 1st dream that I had, is about St.John Ambulance Brigade. The brigade which I had joined in secondary school. This brigade left me many lingering memories and I also made my best friend in there. As a matter of fact, "The Land of no Rays" was written in memory of my ambulance team.

Back to my dream.
I dreamt that I was back in secondary school and been made the parade commander of my squad. Hahaha.. quite impossible in reality, since I had offended alot of the senior officers and it is quite likely that the school cleaner became the commander before I do. Nonetheless, I had dreamt it this way. Then duno for what reason, we were all suddenly seated in front of the chief commisioner (a high ranking officer) listening to her talk. And duno for wadever reason again, I was suddenly caught in a battle of words with her. I think it was because she found me whispering to my best friend(she was sitting beside me). Quite a lame reason. But I won the 'battle' with many colorful words and 歪理 and I felt a great sense of triumph. It was rather like beating up the school bully or rendering the snappy discipline mistress speechless.

The next scene, I was returning home. This time, I went forward in time and I felt (rather than know) like an adult.(dont laugh too long at this =x)
It wasnt the home that I am living in now. It's a condominium. I quickly found out that I am living alone(in my dream). The rest of this dream is quite hazy. I only rmbr trying very hard to fasten the lock on my metal gate. This time, I felt really scared, as though a pair of malicious eyes were looking at me from a dark hidden corner. My hands kept trembling and I was experiencing panic. I thought I cld never lock the gate. If someone had jumped out suddenly in front of me, I think I would have blacked out. Finally I locked the metal gate and quickly tried to close the heavy wooden door behind the gate. But no matter how quick I tried to be, the door was just too heavy to be closed swiftly. I thought I wld have a heart attack for my heart was beating so hard against my chest. My mind was in a blank and I was so afraid that a sudden force may push the wooden door backwards, disallowing it to close. I didnt know why I was so fearful and horrified. I kept having an ill sense of foreboding. Luckily I dont live alone in rl. The wooden door gave me a sense of security and when it finally closed, I could almost breathe normally again. But I was still fearful because I'm standing so near the door. I felt as though I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. If there was a knock that came immediately, I think I wld have lost my sanity. Let me describe this wooden door abit for I dreamt it to be rather interesting. It could only be opened by me as a matter of fact for the door is locked with my thumbprint. There is a touchscreen at the place where the normal latch would be and to open the door, I wld hav to press my thumb against it.

Throughout the whole dream, panic was with me. Maybe it was the pair of imaginary eyes that could see through doors. That's why I still felt extremely fearful behind the closed door. It was as if I knew the eyes would kill.

The nxt and the last dream which I wld recount is sort of linked to the first two dreams. Exactly how they are linked, I dont know. I only vaguely rmbr these three dreams are linked together by my best friend(she appeared in the 1st dream) and the condominium(in the 2nd dream). I will start with my best friend chasing a grp of thieves in the condominium. Seems like the the heavy wooden door finally gave way and some thieves came in. The feeling was rather different this time. It wasnt fear at all, it was anger and determination. Almost like how a responsible police wld feel when chasing an escaped convict. Honestly, I feel like a police in this part of the dream. The reason why I knew(or thought) I felt anger and determination was because I saw these feelings through the eyes of my best friend. In this dream, I was myself, meaning I was in 1st person's point of view. The previous dream was quite different, I feel as though I am standing right beside "myself", looking at "me" while the dream proceeded.

Back to this dream.
Al long last, the thieves were apprehended and brought to a trial in a huge building. We were on the top floor. Strangely enough, this "court" looked like my school auditorium. lolz. I will skip some details and come to the near end of this dream. It's rather weird but impt that I say at this point of time, that suddenly my mother, brother and sister appeared in this late part of the dream. It was as though they appeared soley to recieve the disaster at the end of this dream. Towards the end of this dream, there were suddenly explosions in the building. The ground beneath me was shaking and dust was falling from the ceiling. The lights kept flickering. I was caught by panic again. We were on the top floor. I realised the building may be about to collaspe and quickly tried to make my way down. My mind was in a whirl again. I imagined what wld happen when the building falls. I got out of the building just in time to see the whole structure collaspe. I was near tears for I was seperated from my mum, bro and sis. I was weeping and sobbing, like many others, circling the dusty remains of the building in frantic, looking for my family. Actually I shldnt say weeping and sobbing, for throughout this whole dream, there wasnt a sound. The feelings were already loud enough though. I was gasping, for I cldnt breathe properly admist tears. Then I saw what I thought was my brother's remains for i recognise the bit of blue(the same blue of a tee which my bro loves) that is peeping out from under the huge piece of cement that took his life. I broke down finally. He was already on the edge of escape, yet he failed to do so. I thought sanity left me finally and I was grief beyond tears. I think I was wheezing. I dont know if it was tears or the cloud of dust that blurred my vision or that I was simply on the verge of black out.

This last kind of dream is rather typical in my dream journal. Didnt know what they represent. It's rather disturbing and tiring that 3/4 of my dreams end with death. The last dream I had some time ago, ended with me carrying my unconscious sister and swimming upsteam against a rapid river. I dont know if it was the long dreaming process or the sense of helplessness and lost of all hope in me that made me so exhausted when I woke up. Nevertheless, these are still only dreams. I dont think it wld be wise to bring these feelings into everyday life. I reckon the next time before I slp, I better think of a lame joke and slp in a happy mood. Perhaps, the dreams I have wld be happier then.