Almost

I'm really almost awake. Now tears are not from depression or wad, but rather from a feeling of awakening and at the same time, feeling lost and without a definite direction. Still deeply attracted to the past but I must move on and I'm determined to move on. Had spoken to the only other person who can give me the answer which I need, I was suddenly shown the light. Still upset, but her words were true and comforting in the painful way. Though not what I would like to hear, T_T, but, but, but T_T I must stop my foolish pursuit and prevent myself from delving into a prolonged period of silent tortue.

But certain situations and recent changes still exist and certain of these things I cant take it gracefully T_T. I need to take some time off, to allow the feelings to die off and to preserve the moment of peace that my heart felt when I saw the light. Tho very reluctantly, I feel a distance shld be maintained, lest I cant control myself, T_T. Otherwise, she would have wasted her efforts in explaining the things to me.

Haiz, =(

Wasted days and wasted nights,
I have left for you behind,
for you dont belong to me,
your heart belongs to someone else.

Why should I keep loving you,
when I know that you're not true.
And why should I call your name,
when you're to blame,
for making me blue.

Dont you remember the day,
that you went away and left me?
I was so lonely,
prayed for you only,
my love.

Heard this song from the video in school today, and I could almost feel it, deeply. Phew~ It was so nice, although it was sung on the video by an uncle street basker whom I suspect hav a sorethroat, haha. But still, I like that uncle's version rather than the original version. hehe. The hoarse tone made it sound so much more sentimental ^.^. I wonder if I can get a copy of the video from the school. (This reminds me of a conversation we had, when I left half of my notes in school. I suddenly recall the whole conversation we had that night, haha. It didnt seem very much at that time, but coming to think of it, it was very sweet ^^ Maybe I was wrong, not to say, silly, to delve so blindly and deeply into the emotions. When we 1st met, without any complications of any type, we cld chat for hrs and hrs, haha. But now, with all the upsetness and such, I cant even see ur name without feeling empty. Boo~ =( In addition, after things were explained to me, I cld sort of see things from ur side, and it made me even more embarrassed, or even ashamed to face u. )Maybe it was the sound of the guitar, which was the only accompanying instrument, I do love the music from guitars, ^^. So soothing. But perhaps not those from rockers =x, haha.
Hearing this song again, I suddenly feel relieved. It was as though my love ended when the song ended and all my troubles too, ended. Haiz, I hope this is to last. =( On the other hand, I hope our friendship will go on and on and on and you will never be sick of my senseless comments, haha. Or, am I getting too optimistic? =(

Time, more time I will need, to get over it. ~