A new chapter begins

Dear blog,

I went to the airport today with tungni. I had arranged to meet her at 6.30am, but I woke late and spent 30mins looking for clothes, so I got a dressing down from her. ^^ Actually I do miss her ramblings, there's nothing as warm to a heart as an old friend's morning scoldings. And she's really the kind with 5 sec concentration span, hehe. Either that or I'm really bad in catching people's attention. She couldnt get along with 80% of our old classmates but there is no need to get serious with her. I mean, well, at least she has the nerve, not that I fully agree with her all the time.

We spent the whole day together and I told her I'm upset. In 1 sec she was listening, the next second she was looking at her handphone and telling me about this guy who wouldnt reply her sms until at least after 6hrs upon receiving her msg. hahaha. Her reaction could be seen as rude and insensitive, but I'll never blame her in the least ^^. In fact dats why I prefer to ask for her company when I'm feeling down. Her reactions are always in such huge contrast to my predicament and mood that I feel my problems werent anything more than beach hunks and bubble brained beach bunnies. hehe. She could keep my mind off things and her bubbly and outspoken nature, though direct and really quite unlike my rather inward, slow and stubborn personality, inevitably made me rush through everything of little importance with her. Sometimes I get short and asked her if she was listening to me. Of course she was, she replied candidly and even told me to stop trying to tell her what was upsetting me. I didnt need to tell her what was troubling me. I merely told her it was because of a guy, really and I said nothing else, then she was ranting off whatever she thought guys could say to make girls upset for 24hrs a day. I have to take my hat off her. 90% of the things she said was exactly bingo, although I made no efforts to praise her or to verify any facts with her. It's nice to relax and watch someone else do their magic. Well... we all need friends. One for every different occassion. =x

For that 10mins, I was prepared to admire secretly how adultish she is, compared to some other girlfriends I have, but the next minute she had to tell me about her love-hate relationship with a guy in her school who is in 1st aid club and she is coincidentally the vice-president of that club. Told ya one couldnt get serious with her, it's impossible. Then she scolded this attendant who was getting rude with me and I thought, really, sometimes it is nice to have a 'bitch' for a friend =x She knows I sometimes call her that, lolz, but she prefer me calling her the beauty. And I end up quarelling with her who was prettier =X In any case, she said my hair sux T_T And she also said she was very disappointed in my attire today T_T I admit today is fashion heywire day. lolz. She has insensitive comments and short concentration span but I had to tell her I'm feeling abit down and troubled cos I wanted to hear her views, although I didnt exactly tell her what was the real cause of all my lamentings. She merely assumed and commented very loudly in the cafe that I was dumped by a guy and helpfully scanned through all her contacts to help me find a new guy. But her enthusiasm lasted really short =.= cos the next minute she was recalling aloud about my past love life and grilling me about the guys whom I used to like. Then she started teasing me about this guy whom I used to enjoy spending time with in high school and was loudly commenting on all his faults.... Then she started counting off her fingers guys whom she suspect liked me and those who have enough nerve to tell the ice queen they like her. Lol. Alrite, ice queen is an over statement, but judging from feedback from my personal girlfriends, I am a very hard egg to crack and appear as aloof at 1st sight =P. I couldnt agree with them completely, but I didnt bother to correct them either, haha. I normally dont show alot of emotions on my face, I mean, I couldnt just start joking around with a stranger (I know some pple can, I have a friend who would ask pple on the streets what they thought of her hairstyle) and I tend to turn off after 5mins if the subject didnt interest me =x Anyway, lolz, tungni thinks I'm really hard to please. I told her, I'm just like any other girl who likes to be pampered by guys, but she says sometimes my behavior simply screams, "Piss off you big headed chauvinists, morons!" I'm exagerrating alittle =p She says my expectations are too high, so I become rather impossible to date. Then she offered to use my handphone to call her friend to ask him to chat with me and I think I almost slapped her for it. lolz. She said serve me right for feeling down. =( I told her quite honestly if anyone near me tells me he wanna date me, I wouldnt have given it more attention than I would have given to the morning's article on the newest housing subsidies the government is giving to the aged. Once again, she says 'serve me right for having no bfs' =.=

I'm abit moody these days and I dont blame people for telling me off because I show no interest in something serious which they have to discuss with me. Girls are hard to please. ^^ That's why I prefer to ask tungni out. She couldnt care less that I was feeling down. She thinks I'm feeling down for nothing. Even if she thought it was something worth wasting time staring into space for, she wouldnt have discuss it with me for more than 2mins. I think, she thinks it is unneccessary, which I'm working hard into believing also. Sometimes I pretend to be stupid and allow her to talk on about what she thinks is correct and I find that she is able to provide more insight, although alot of them are rather out of topic and quite insensitive. I realise again that I shouldnt really mull over the same things for so long, especially if they are supposed to be resolved. I already got certain answers and I really should move on but... stubborn little girl like me just cant let go easily. I would cry if I really thought it was hard on me but anyone else with a rational mind would tell me to laugh it off and move on. Actually no1 in real life have seen me cry. lol. And no1 ever saw me in a really angry mood, just serious. Maybe I should show my anger more explicitly next time. Normally I give disgusted looks. =x But... I really dont know how to think now. I'm abit confused and groping around. I wish there could be something I can do about it. But really, if I press too hard and be too stubborn, then people would be forced to say something which arent really true or make some conclusions which they themselves cant even take responsibility for and I really would hate that. Well... I would really like to chat, but I find I duno how to open my mouth about it. I wish there could be some silly guys out there who would talk on and on to me about silly stuff to take my mind off things. ^^ I could ask tungni out anytime, of cos, but she tends to make me question my beliefs. Although internet, I choose to believe what my internet friends tell me about them. Well, it may be kind of dumb, but I... dont want to doubt people's sincerity in making friends with me ^^. But... it makes me kind of sad when people whom I believe in do lie to me. Of course I did have encounters of this kind and sadly I dont think I will ever learn the lesson. Hmm... T_T_T_T_T_T Well.. some things do hurt. For long. And maybe, I have to admit that I'm still a young girl after all and I do do silly things like staring at the screen and waiting the whole night for someone to chat. And.. sometimes I get angry with myself, lolz. I have been looking for new hobbies for some time, but found none (unless you count swimming, which isnt really anything novel) although I have very little time now for them.

Ah... another lonesome night. What what is exactly troubling me now? I duno... haha. But simple things can cheer me up. Very simply. :P hehe. Now.. I'm going to bed, rest my poor feet and dream about finding my true love. =x wahaha.