Suddenly down to the bare necessities

There are certain periods in life when one would experience some identity crisis. It made me realise just how big my head was. Haiz... now my head is swimming alittle.

Well... I was breakfasting with my mother this morning and she told me about the 4th tutor in the year my sister has changed. =s Then she commented on how pale and sickly I look. These few days I have been out everyday since morning and coming back only late, particularly to avoid home. I look at my mother and I feel a bit guilty abit it. =( I couldnt tell her that it wasnt the family but the lonesome bedroom that I dread now. I think I must come home more often and have dinner with her. I do feel abit unwell. I had to throw up in the public bathroom and spend $10 to sleep in Starbucks on Monday.

I thought abit about Pamela and Linda and thought about how their lives had changed because one of their parents passed away. Linda is still as lame as ever =) and Pamela is really someone I admire in real life. She's a stauch christian and I thought of all the christians I have met. I seem to pale in comparisan. =p They have such big hearts. Pamela is a really strong and beautiful person. Very successful in life. Should be even more successful in the future. Then I went to read Isabel's blog =p She's a very amiable person. Although sometimes abit violent and need abit of coaxing to get things done. But I read about her life and I noticed her words, her actions and thought, well... there's really a reason to why I couldnt share as much happiness in life as my counterparts. Now... I'm abit T_T

I thought abit about the things I persist and abit about the achievements I have in life. I thought about what made me proud of myself and about my friends' views of me. Then I had some sort of an identity crisis. What made me? =o Somehow, through some incidents, some failures, (I couldnt rmbr the successess) some comments and some recollections, I begin to doubt myself. Haiz.. haiz... I should do more thinking and reflecting, although it's abit draining. On the other hand, it's draining because I think too much about myself. Or is it? Boo~ T_T

Anyway I'm going to town again today. Hope I can drive off negative thoughts.

p.s. a friend has a ticker for no. of plastic bags consumed this year on her blog. It should be er..disturbing.. well, it accelerates so fast I couldnt catch the numbers. But well... it's.. cool.. the ticker =x