You are so beautiful to me~

Feeling hazy hazy for a few days but er...I feel refreshed now! It will take me 2hrs to type if I decide to relate how I came to my conclusion. But well, 我会潇潇洒洒的丢掉你！Although there are many happy things which I really cant bear to dump and precisely these are the reasons why I slip in and out of haziness for so many months but after observing and concluding and guessing and crying and lemanting, I can't deny that I'm disappointed and feeling very bashed. But I finally decide to get back to my own pace. Haiz...

It's like running a marathon.

Lets put it to test, though my confidence is dwindling by the day. But the importance I placed on it is also decreasing, so, it doesnt matter rite? I met my fellow squadmates yesterday, some of them. And I begin to think: what have I been doing these months? Not that I regret. There are a thousand things that I miss, that I have grown used to, that I love, but when all signs turn to negative, I have my own pride to save. It has been painful for some time. For a long time. And to leave it all of a sudden, I cant bear to. I'll be very happy to come back at the slightest positive sign, but there isnt. So, I better find interests in new delights. I think I said it somewhere, sometime before. It's such an irony, that when I said it, the thing I'm ending now had started. But now that I say it again, I'm moving on to other things.

I thought I would already know what the result of the test would be, if all else doesnt change. But when one has nothing more to lose, the result becomes rather insignificant. If it's something good, it becomes a bonus. Just like when I send out lucky draw coupons. I try to forget it after I send them. Cos if 3 months later I get a call informing me to pick up my prize, the surprise would come as doubly good, isnt it?

I could write on about heartbreaks but that isnt very nice to read and I thought I had already written quite a lot. If the point is put across, it had been. If it doesnt, then well, one can always guess. I thought one can go the distance for love and if I do find someone worthy, I would go the extreme for him. I'm already going abit extreme these months, doing somethings which I myself thought was rather obnoxious too. But I thought of Sabrina and I thought of Tung Ni and I thought of our dream and the pact we made 3 years ago and the things we suffered before we got so far. Virual virtual. Haiz... I'm deeply attracted to it. But it's so tiring to sustain a sinking boat alone if the other rower is keen to drown. So, I'll stop keeping it afloat. Lets sink. :p Maybe we'll float pass each other again. It's always sweeter in the beginning. All the petty things that made it special. When I wanna recall, maybe I can recall about 70% of them. haha. 30% of them was really rite rite in the beginning when I couldnt even remember since when you floated and kept afloat beside me.

Synchronize. Haiz... Wish you could dance synchronized beside me. Well, sometimes I will wish, sometimes I wont. I dont know what I will decide on 2 days later, haha. I seemed to have finally decide on a path but I'll get sidetracked. hahaha. Maybe I'll be happy to get sidetracked, but again, it depends. I may decide to lock up all the wires of my computer. I'll forever be reachable of cos, when there's a will, there's way. I'll always look back, but when I do get tired, I may decide to walk on. But haiz... I wonder if it's more heartless to you or myself. Since I can only keep on guessing whats on ur mind, I may never reach a conclusion about this. But I thought, girls are more narrow minded. The apetitizer was ran by you, I continued with the 1st part of the show. Well, but when the screenwriter provides a script for part (II) which the producer isnt keen to produce, what to do leh? Haiz...

I'll get back to my path of being a modern woman. All men are chickens. Stomp on them. Haha..