Chemistry Chemistry

Chemistry...chemistry. There is no chemistry. Haiz...

I'm back in my normal mode again, which coincidentally means lazy and laid back for me. Not that I have been abnormal, but my mood had been on a bumpy ride for some time. I'm trying very very hard to refocus, often I tend to give in to my wants, but well, we must learn to be decisive. I mean, me.

Agitated people say things which can be completely unreal of them and an agitated conversation between me and my decade + old friend sent us into cold war for 6months. But like she said, our drift was quite natural and silent. We made up on my birthday by shaking hands and smirking at each other. Today we exchanged quite a lot of information and chatted as if the 6 months were non-existent. Friends. =) It's a very complex word, with more complex feelings attached. The drift had been natural. And the patch seemed much more natural. If you could get what I mean. She's really one of the most over bearing person I met and she got a really good mind for analysis and interpretion. I dont think I met another person with more flair for E-lit than her, both in analyzing and writing. Superb. For a paper which is 1h 30mins she could sleep 1hr, answer both the essay qns when only 1 is required and ace the level. Well, it's true. And she's in Alpha list, while I'm in APTS list. Haiz... what had I done all these days? =o

It's quite hard for me, or I think, anyone, to possess negative feelings for very long. For me, it lasts around 1 day. For that decade old friend of mine, she's quite the exception, her hatred can last for 6months. But I have more patience than her =p She had been angry for 6 months but I had been quite perfectly normal these 6 months.

Things had changed. I'm very saddened by the fickle nature of human and much more saddened by the fact that I have insignificant influence over them. I cannot hate a path of nature or defy it. If the drift is natural, the drift must happen. Or, if the drift happened, it must be natural. =) Although a bit of hatred still resides in me, they are overshadowed by disappointment. The expectation had been too high. Hence the greater disappointment. I have to be selfish and say that I had not changed. So, if things had changed, the other thing or person must have caused it. But if the drift had been indeed natural, then lets blame nature. haha. Although I certainly believe that we can change nature. Just... abit of a wishing thinking here, certainly I will not allow myself to bring it out with me in day to day life.

I have a new interest. A forced interest. An interest found in slumps. Chemistry. Now I'm talking about the science Chemistry. It's interesting although I can be interested in something else.

This decade old friend brought back to me some memories. Romance never used to be on my agenda. Ok maybe briefly. Feminism was. History was. Science-fic was. Politics was. Shakespeare was. Cultures were. Make up was. Hollywood certainly. TV of cos. Since love never used to be on my agenda, I think it would be smart to continue leaving it out. Maybe I'll add in something called hatred and disappointment. Hope they would serve as an encouragement for me to move on. I must move on. Since I'm forced to, prompted to, hinted to.