Time for a little december post. I am driven by a few factors to post on my blog. It is active you know, but sometimes my brain isnt, so I dont write. However it is raining now and I just logged out of game feeling a bit bored and down, and my scalp itches a bit, so here I am blogging and grumbling abit.
The december weather has been wet and cold and coupled by the fact that I feel abit bored everyday, each passing minute seems a bore. I sleep late, wake late, eat, drink iced tea, watch tv and play game. Sounds like a blissful perfect school holiday except it is not. Drilling works wake me up at 10am and 1pm each day promptly. Heck the upgrading lifts. I walk 3 blocks away to buy drinks and I can still hear the dreadful ongoing drilling and drilling. The floor in my doorway is also coated with a thin layer of cement dust.
My head has been hurting for quite some time. My mum says it is because I wash my hair at night and didnt dry it properly. Now there is wind in it. I am inclined to believe it, because my head feels like it is cracking into two. But as I settle down, I think it may be more of a psychological problem.
I have suffered from tension headache before. As the name suggests, the headache occurs because of tension. Well you cant blame me, if u get woken up each day by drilling works and then proceed to do a routine of senseless and non productive things (like playing games and watch tv). The game is not exactly as interesting as it used to be also. A few years ago when I started playing the population was healthy. Now it is dying. So there is not much pple for me to chat with when I am ingame.
Also, I have some problems with my dieting regime. Something to do with my determination no doubt. I may have to put in more effort. But my will may be tested once again when I go for the chalet organised by yl on 20th.
Speaking of yl, I must mention our shopping escapade 2 days earlier. Fm was absent. When I msg her later in the evening when I am at home, she explained that she was tired and has been feeling down. I can understand it, or reason that are personal. I have a suspicion but some words are better left unsaid. Still, I encouraged her to chin up and I sincerely hope that her mood recovers soon. WJ may be able to give some nudge in this direction. No doubt, no matter how much WJ changes, he is still him, haha. Sidetrack a little, I wrapped his bdae present and going to buy his bdae cake. Hopefully my taste in those bdae gifts wont be criticised! Pple around me have a tendency to do it :x
Shopping was fun, perhaps a small getaway from my tedious routine of slp eat tv game. However I was on wedges and my nose was being watery and itchy so while I shopped I keep having the feeling of faintness. I still enjoyed myself though. Goods galore, FOOD galore! My eyes had a feast and I laid my fingers on most things I see, lols. My favourite shop was Precious Thots, funnily, I seem to have developed a new liking for the cute things inside. They were, honestly, quite intricatingly made. We spent the most time there I think, as yl was busy getting a gift box huge enough to contain her present for rikki.
Speaking of rikki, I havent seen him and am quite eager to. I nearly had a chance but the chance was denied by yl and put down by wjing and seok. Rikki was in vincity but she wouldnt let him show his face to me. LOL. Undoubtedly I would have said a couple of lame jokes in his face but my aim was just to see what kind of guy is dating my pal and wanna size him up to see if he will treat my pal good. Hmm...but maybe I should leave them alone, to brew their love :x
I will invite eugene to the chalet after all. Grudging, admittedly, some of my 'down feeling' stewed from him. Ok, now is the time for me to complain complain complain and I shall tempory cease to explore my own faults in this paragraph. Well he is good to me. But I just cant but he angry that he has no time for me. My temper flares up easily these days. Really, and I think I quarelled with him a few times more than often the past few weeks. Been crying also. He explained that his work is busy and he is stressed and whatever the heck but I just need some concern from you! Imagine I log out the game in front of him in a huff and he didnt even say a word about it. Inside I am screaming for his attention and then when I turned around, I didnt see him at my shoulder. THAT is extremely hurtful. When you are feeling down, depressed, bored, lonely and want your bf to say some loving words of care and concern, that is when he is not there. What can I do? Tell me what I can do. I tried a lot of methods, agressive passive, angry, concern, patient, tears. HA. None was the perfect remedy. I have a good mind to go off and do some crying right now. I know I cant complain to him or flare up in front of him. After the 3rd time I did that, I cant bear to anymore. Imagine I force him into a corner? /cry. So I come blogging. A blog he doesnt know exists in any case. Luckily for that I can talk freely here. Not that I have any secrets to hide. Although, haiz,...I dunno. It is just frustrating. his stress makes me stress and upset too and we cant do a single thing about it. He doesnt do anything about it too. Hate this. My bolster actually gives more comfort to me at this instant. What else can I do put put my mind elsewhere. Make him quit his police job? siao. But, haiz. Sad. The whole thing is just sad when it comes to this part. Otherwise it is still blissful. Just totally wish he has more time to accompany me. More attention into my body lamguage (like when I dont sms you, you know I am angry and waiting for you to humour me). Like...I want something cute and funny for christmas present. But...haiz...he says ok. he always does. An ok, with a big smile. It catches my breath for a second as I am thrilled. =) Really. Then I think about the disappointment...and...the euphoria evaporates, well slightly. There is always a chance that he will buy it for me right? Although he spends like 1000 years to think of what to buy and then end up buying something completely different. Hmm...but ok, am I difficult to please? =/ I am moody, but what can I do? I feel inferior now? How can I relive it? How can I not project these onto other people? Supressing it has far repercussions. I have experienced them before. Dark periods of my life. I have no wish to go back to those periods.
Think of something else to divert my attention pls =.=
Ok movies. Movies and exam results. Ok. =)
Breathe relax.
Well december there will be alot of movies. I am most looking forward to I am Legend. I love sci fic and thriller most. But I wont say no to a nice korean comedy too, haha.
Wonder when my results are coming out. Online is on the 26th, mercifully. I think the post might reach earlier. Hmm....I wonder how I will fare. I know for sure that statistics will be a goner. As for the rest, I will have to keep my fingers crossed. Then I have to worry about what modules I am going to take next semester. Advance translation will be out of the topic because it is too high lvl and I doubt they will except me this year. Maybe next year. As for GIS, I think I will choose a module in there and then I will complete a GEM. I looked through the options, Identity and Western Literature looks extremely appealing =) No doubt I will be the only person I know to bid for the module LOL. But is does seem interesting...
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Finally I break the ice. It is holiday today afterall...
Have you ever went through a day when you wander around aimlessly, with nothing in mind to do? But in fact you have a dozen tasks at hand, although at the moment of time, the idea of completing these tasks seem so far and vague and when your sense of responsibilty kicks in and you start to feel that you need to complete these work, you feel suffocated. You feel irritated and you feel like you want to hurt yourself to release the tension bottled tight in you.
But of course your rational self starts pumping rationality into your blood and then you start to relax but feel a sense of emptiness inside you, welling up and then you come back to square one, your mind wandering around aimlessly, maybe your footsteps retraced themselves and then you know not what to do. Maybe like me, you would think about and then feel guilty about the lecture you missed yesterday. Or the lies you told to escape them. But then you try to justify them to yourself and then when you cant, or when you think that you shouldnt dwell on the past, or the done, you start to do things that you do routinely. You may be like me, you start by eating, and halway through it you feel guilty about the acumulated fats in your belly. And then you think anout the promise you made to yourself yesterday that you would jog a little bit to lose the extra kilos that you have gained. While at the same time, reminded that the extra kilos that you have gained have compunded and the extra kilos are actually alot. But you excused yourself yet again, saying that life is short, you need to enjoy and not be a slave of whatever, fashion, society, work, studies, responisbilties and that you need to relax and pick yourself up again for god knows what vague farway reasons like homework, impending tests, your boyfriend, your weight, your figure, your pocket money. And you say yes, I need to relax. So you watch your favourite sitcom in front of the computer, and then 3hours passed. When the show ends, the start to feel the emptiness again. You need something to fill your mind but that thing is definitely not work from school again! You look at the calender and you say, hey guy, today is a public holiday. Today is the wadever deepavali and although I am definitely not an indian but what the heck, I need a holiday ( i think i told that to myself yesterday).
Well I'm still stuck in my room, thinking of what to do when I was suddenly reminded of a close friend, I forgot, I think it is our fumin, telling our lao seok that she tagged on her blog and so I thought about my blog. Well, at this moment of time, I felt a slight sense of warmth at the thoughts of my friends. So I decided to send a little funny sms to fuminmin and ask her if she is having fun celebrating her deepavali. Well, at least these little acts let me escape into a surge of warmth and happiness for a minute. Thinking about all those outing we had together, AHHH i just love it. I love my friends thr, my clique, LOL. Although YL getting prettier than me liao la =x but I just love hanging out with these people although I am very broke already and then we always do nothing but eat and eat and then laugh and laugh and crack lame jokes. Coincidentally, those are the things I like to do most. (At this point of time I might want to add the fact that I enjoy doing these with eugene too, but i dont really like it when he does a little bit of grumbling and tell me how broke he is now. And honestly, I broker than he is, and....haiz...when the money factor kicks in, it kinda spoil the mood. But I really like back to back movies, jumbo hotdog combos, and having dinner at...somewhere. But I dont really like it when he picks up and check and exclaims, or groan in a low voice, argh...I'm broke. It is like...telling me you dont want me to go out with you again? =/)
But of course your rational self starts pumping rationality into your blood and then you start to relax but feel a sense of emptiness inside you, welling up and then you come back to square one, your mind wandering around aimlessly, maybe your footsteps retraced themselves and then you know not what to do. Maybe like me, you would think about and then feel guilty about the lecture you missed yesterday. Or the lies you told to escape them. But then you try to justify them to yourself and then when you cant, or when you think that you shouldnt dwell on the past, or the done, you start to do things that you do routinely. You may be like me, you start by eating, and halway through it you feel guilty about the acumulated fats in your belly. And then you think anout the promise you made to yourself yesterday that you would jog a little bit to lose the extra kilos that you have gained. While at the same time, reminded that the extra kilos that you have gained have compunded and the extra kilos are actually alot. But you excused yourself yet again, saying that life is short, you need to enjoy and not be a slave of whatever, fashion, society, work, studies, responisbilties and that you need to relax and pick yourself up again for god knows what vague farway reasons like homework, impending tests, your boyfriend, your weight, your figure, your pocket money. And you say yes, I need to relax. So you watch your favourite sitcom in front of the computer, and then 3hours passed. When the show ends, the start to feel the emptiness again. You need something to fill your mind but that thing is definitely not work from school again! You look at the calender and you say, hey guy, today is a public holiday. Today is the wadever deepavali and although I am definitely not an indian but what the heck, I need a holiday ( i think i told that to myself yesterday).
Well I'm still stuck in my room, thinking of what to do when I was suddenly reminded of a close friend, I forgot, I think it is our fumin, telling our lao seok that she tagged on her blog and so I thought about my blog. Well, at this moment of time, I felt a slight sense of warmth at the thoughts of my friends. So I decided to send a little funny sms to fuminmin and ask her if she is having fun celebrating her deepavali. Well, at least these little acts let me escape into a surge of warmth and happiness for a minute. Thinking about all those outing we had together, AHHH i just love it. I love my friends thr, my clique, LOL. Although YL getting prettier than me liao la =x but I just love hanging out with these people although I am very broke already and then we always do nothing but eat and eat and then laugh and laugh and crack lame jokes. Coincidentally, those are the things I like to do most. (At this point of time I might want to add the fact that I enjoy doing these with eugene too, but i dont really like it when he does a little bit of grumbling and tell me how broke he is now. And honestly, I broker than he is, and....haiz...when the money factor kicks in, it kinda spoil the mood. But I really like back to back movies, jumbo hotdog combos, and having dinner at...somewhere. But I dont really like it when he picks up and check and exclaims, or groan in a low voice, argh...I'm broke. It is like...telling me you dont want me to go out with you again? =/)
But hor, I went to my girlfriends' blogs, as usual, whenever I am online, well, I read them even if you all dont know =x and I feel kind of sad because I seldom ever ever see my name on them. Well, which sets me thinking, wondering about myself, my relationships with people. And then my own personality, What sort of person am I? Aloof? Of course if eugene has a blog he may bloag about me everyday. But he doesnt and he dislikes writing. He doesnt even have a proper friendster (I have, but it is not well kept =x) and then...I start to want to evaluate myself. But I just wanna say to my clique, the people, fM, yL, seok, wj, wj, ah long, kry...I love you guys you know. Treasure all of you. Including ah long la...latest joke that i can rmbr is the mussels -.- and muscles.. -.- rofl, feel like slapping him LOL.
And 'someone' suddenly msn me and told me about the lovely bones. Broken bones =) or lonely bones =x I will go and check that out sometime.
I was slightly irritated when I opened the internet browser because I tried to type in the URL but then the stupid cursor thing shifted or something and I was typing but I wasnt inputting. Well I think if you read the sentence once more you might be able to understand it.
I feel a bit frustrated recently. I'm not sure whats the precise reason but you know how life is. Everything is compounded. It may be the one thing that your boyfriend did. And swallowed it. And then your dad keeps up with his daily routine of playing computer game in the living room. But you swallow it, unknowingly, you put up with it because you have gotten used to it and you remember the last fight with him didnt yield any lasting results. And i'm not going log in and play the game because, I dont feel like it. And then there is your weight problem. After shedding so much, you just put it back on and you know how terrible that feels? Well when you add 1 + 1 + 1 again, it becomes more than 3 actually. Well you get the stress of everything, added and multiplied.
Lets talk a little bit about school. I didnt do for the clubs meetings or the shooting trainings. God knows why.
And then lets talk about the studies. Hmm sttrictly speaking I am getting by rather well. Firstly I must talk about the much dreaded mudule sickening called Introduction to Statistics which talks about normal distributions, mean, median, mode, z score, t table, null hypothsis, sample distribution and whatever the hecks of the hecks! I dont even know why we need more statistics to study statistics. Idiotic! It is like back to JC when you have to study the notes, go for exams like a uniformed kid. So thats what my most unliked module is about. And of course did I mention the twice a week lectures are completely like zoo outings. When the rest of the tourmates eat drink and chat with all friends, and you totally ignore, or you just cant hear what the soft meek voiced female lecturer is saying. Funniest part is, this module isnt even a prerequisite for any other statistics module!! So what? It is quite a waste of time and honestly...
Ok the 2nd module, core module, which means compulsory, is called the Fundamentals to Project mgt and I have never seen a module whose tutorials and lectures seem totally disconnected. Worse of all, the tutorials have got nothing in common to our exams! Sounds like dot dot dot dot doesnt it? Because the 1st time we are going to try the qns in our final exams is during the exams itself! Disgusting! There isnt even anything in the archives. Drats...I have come to REALISE that and I believe that if you are not prepared, You can never score well in any written essay no matter how good your english or how talented you are in arguements. It is just that you need, you just need to polish your skills! Although I'm quite sure, cos the tutor hinted that our project, my group's, is quite quite quite quite excellent. I'm not boasting. But i really need this booster, 30% of my whole module marks, mind you. Cos the other 70% is gonna be so foreign I'm going to be like a dead cold frozen turkey in the exam hall on 27 Nov.
And I dont even want to talk about the visualisation in design and technology. ERGHS. Although everything is cool including the e studio and the software used, I honestly have not seen a worst lecturer. With an indian slag and a 5-15sec lag in whatever he is saying, I think the his lectures are a torture worse than Daljit telling you to go back to do newspaper cuttings. And worse of all, I have to do some posting in the forum in a module that I dont even feel like touching. After so many years of study, I finally believe in, for I finally come to realise, by being in the situation myself, that the teacher, or the lecturer really plays a big big part in your interest and your grades of that subject. I used to be skeptical, thinking it is just a convenient ecuse but now I really do believe in it. Because Benny is trying his best to make all of us score D in visualisation. I can tell you, I like the whole concept of the module except the lousy lecturer. I dont deny his expertise in the field (of building) but I really hate it when he comes in, wait for 10 sec, before talking, wait fr 2sec, talk again, in a drone, and then no matter how hard you try to concentrate, his voice simply puts you into a sleep. Well....disaster. I still need to cook up some posts to put in the forum to earn the marks for wad class particiation? yucks! How can I have any good questions to post when I have no passion in it at all?
Compared to the zing I have for Geographical Information System which is tedious, time comsuming, stucking in the lab, trying to figure out what the instructions are about and then feeling so cool and so fulfilled becasue the module, the contents, it just, rocks. I love it. i can do it for the rest of my semester and semesters after that. Well, considering that I am minoring in it, I think this passion better last longer and it better be stronger than the laziness that always consumes me. Haiz...why none of you like it de? hahahha...then can join me mah! Fun leh! But nobody believes =x
Next and last, is the translation module. I kind of like it, except for the fact that I was asked by the chinese studies clerk to send an email to the prof (cc to her) to explain my absence during one of the discussion class. Honestly, I felt abit ashamed, or a use for a better word, humiliated. I replied anyway, in a dignified manner. And i really do participate, a LOT in class. Well it is discussion group and since I am not that afraid of speaking out in class, I decided to, well, discuss =) Translation is a tricky business. I quite like it by now. But...haiz...the advanced module is a 4000 level module which means...I wont be able to take it next semester even if I fulfll the requirements. ....
Now....aimless again, after this long post. i dunno if I should talk about eugene. Well you know this stuff is kind of private =x but I know I should...confide in the few friends who know about THIS website. Hmm...I really dont know. I'm rather confused, slightly, taken aback, sometimes. But I really do enjoy all the time spent with him. I think I can spend hours and hours without realising the time has passed. But...when I am alone, free to let my mind wander. Or rather, my mind is bored enough to wander...I feel, empty again. Thinking about all the problems we have faced, thinking about if we have a uture together, our disparity. His notion in life...and then...Guess I like freedom, but being chained down a little is not that bad afterall. He is extremely extremely nice to me. Very very caring. But, too caring? The same problem still exists. Haix...Guess like my mum would say, take things slowly. Maybe nice and slow would keep the broth cooking all day long.
P.S. and ah..ah min, I cant help it and I hope you dont mind if I post your sms reply here because it is really really hilarious in my opinion: yeah i'm in india now very happy to see my distant relatives omg ate alot of indian curry too! =p
ROFL.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
microlight flying 12 aug 2007
14 of us. pilot domingo and club president justin in the plane. it was wonderful. but the flight was too stable and comfortable. met tiffany (the one in I luv NY tee) a crazy enthusiast like me who despite having no friends with same interest, signed up alone. asked her jus now. didnt decide to go for sky diving this september, cos we already made up our minds yesterday. wahaha. same thinking. sky diving? u kidding me? even if she skips soccer practice and i skip shooting training we will go. we pre-resgistered ourselves when we saw it on the events list. chun hoe (new friend too =p who is in grey polo. we were in the same car tgt with desmond, who is standing beside chunhoe) said we two are siao siao de, haha, dont care what it is, dont even really know what courses we must take or what is curb jumping and tentative or whatever the heck, then die die must sign up already. met loads of new pple today. love it. love flight and space interest group.
want more photos? msn me! =p hehe
Friday, August 10, 2007
I'm going microlight flying this sunday morning! All the way to malaysia! It is the first activity of the flight and space interest group this year! I'm so excited! There are only us 16 fellow flyers in NUS (are we that unpopular? =.=) and none of my close girl friends could be persuaded to join me. Haiz...have to go alone. Hope I'll still enjoy it anyway.
Monday, July 30, 2007
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
On a regular frustrated holiDAY...
I spent 6hours on writing today. I think I used up my inspiration for they day bcos I cant squeeze anything out from my mind already. Once I start backspacing whatever I type, I know it is time to take a break until my next brainwave comes.
I tried to speedtype just now. My fingers cant type as fast as I think, meaning by the time I type finish the first phrase, I forget what were the original words that first came out of my mind. I have a software that recognises my voice so I only need to speak into it and see the words type themselves out but problem is...there's something wrong with the reception. Then I tried typing in english (sometimes I think in english, it is faster). So when I cool down a bit later, I can translate the words slowly. It works, only from time to time. A few days ago I ended up writing a whole paragraph in english and had to translate the whole thing into chinese again. I dont think this is the way to write a chinese novel, hahaha.
I was typing halfway when Joan msg me and asked about my prom dress. Ah...when people suddenly display an interest in a dress of yours it means they want to borrow it. So, I lent it to her.
Reluctantly I took a break after this cos my sister suddenly burst into my room to show me two cups of milk tea. I was forcefully reminded of huanhuan hahaha. Then Sabrina called me to ask if I want to work at WSSS again. Gawd, I was sorely tempted by the salary BUT, I havent forgotten why I quitted in the first place. Better spend my time thinking of how to continue writing my novel. I've already been at it for 4 years and kept on adding new characters and plots. I dont want to continue for another 4 years. BUT, I myself am a bit lost. The novel makes me feel like I have glue in my head. It is a bad sign...because it means that any readers will feel that way too. I have to edit the thing A G A I N. Feel like swearing but I'm very civilised and cultured.
Then I went to pare a 梨 for myself but I end up cutting my middle finger. -.- So while I'm typing now, I'm not using my left middle finger. Very awkward typing...FYI I'm still typing with both hands but I think my right hand is automatically snatching all the keys that my left hand is supposed to press. Good boy, but I think it is going to cramp anytime now. And bcos I'm not using my left middle finger, I keep typing 'fo' instead of 'of' and some other words keep spelling backwards too.
Tried to read some novels to get inspiration but ended up with a sinking feeling that resulted in more mental blocks and more backspacing of my typing. So frustrated and frustrating. And I'm beginning to think my novel is bad!!! There are too much details to look after la. HECK. So, I end up blogging....I need to have a more complete plot! I need to draw up a plotline for my novel and I havent done either for the past 4 years because I cant seem to set my mind! So I cant grit my teeth and go on with it!! GRRRR...If I write storylines by storylines then I will find out that my plot is not good enough and I will feel frustrated all over again!! Then I may spend years after year...trying to perfect it while knowing that perfection is unattainable. Guess what? I'm not even sure if I like my own story...going back to think about it again.
I tried to speedtype just now. My fingers cant type as fast as I think, meaning by the time I type finish the first phrase, I forget what were the original words that first came out of my mind. I have a software that recognises my voice so I only need to speak into it and see the words type themselves out but problem is...there's something wrong with the reception. Then I tried typing in english (sometimes I think in english, it is faster). So when I cool down a bit later, I can translate the words slowly. It works, only from time to time. A few days ago I ended up writing a whole paragraph in english and had to translate the whole thing into chinese again. I dont think this is the way to write a chinese novel, hahaha.
I was typing halfway when Joan msg me and asked about my prom dress. Ah...when people suddenly display an interest in a dress of yours it means they want to borrow it. So, I lent it to her.
Reluctantly I took a break after this cos my sister suddenly burst into my room to show me two cups of milk tea. I was forcefully reminded of huanhuan hahaha. Then Sabrina called me to ask if I want to work at WSSS again. Gawd, I was sorely tempted by the salary BUT, I havent forgotten why I quitted in the first place. Better spend my time thinking of how to continue writing my novel. I've already been at it for 4 years and kept on adding new characters and plots. I dont want to continue for another 4 years. BUT, I myself am a bit lost. The novel makes me feel like I have glue in my head. It is a bad sign...because it means that any readers will feel that way too. I have to edit the thing A G A I N. Feel like swearing but I'm very civilised and cultured.
Then I went to pare a 梨 for myself but I end up cutting my middle finger. -.- So while I'm typing now, I'm not using my left middle finger. Very awkward typing...FYI I'm still typing with both hands but I think my right hand is automatically snatching all the keys that my left hand is supposed to press. Good boy, but I think it is going to cramp anytime now. And bcos I'm not using my left middle finger, I keep typing 'fo' instead of 'of' and some other words keep spelling backwards too.
Tried to read some novels to get inspiration but ended up with a sinking feeling that resulted in more mental blocks and more backspacing of my typing. So frustrated and frustrating. And I'm beginning to think my novel is bad!!! There are too much details to look after la. HECK. So, I end up blogging....I need to have a more complete plot! I need to draw up a plotline for my novel and I havent done either for the past 4 years because I cant seem to set my mind! So I cant grit my teeth and go on with it!! GRRRR...If I write storylines by storylines then I will find out that my plot is not good enough and I will feel frustrated all over again!! Then I may spend years after year...trying to perfect it while knowing that perfection is unattainable. Guess what? I'm not even sure if I like my own story...going back to think about it again.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Life In Rose
Once in a while, I'll regret about certain outcomes in life. I thought I did train up my thinking a bit to resist, thinking backwards. Nevertheless, happenings that one never anticipated, news that one didnt expect, still penetrates the folds of defence one built up over years of experience.
Today, I finally stepped out of my house. Weijing came over in the morning and (while busy telling me what CDs she has to burn using my com, haha) she eventually talked me into going out. After going out, I admit that it was fun. Esp with the other girls tw, kry, fm, seok. I felt, again, that the happiest life is the simplest life. Perhaps the happiest man on earth is really a fool. But what is a fool? Who is a fool? Is he really a fool, or are you the fool? Maybe they know less than us. Maybe they know more than us. 做人真是难得糊涂。I thought the word depression rather irks me. I rather think of it as deep thinking. But you know, like all other things, thinking can also go out of hand.
La Vie en Rose.
I enjoy this song. Edith Piaf.. I love records.
I actually heard it outside a CD shop today. Was by Tony Bennet and K.D. Lang. I thought, I just stopped thinking. It was so nice, just to do that. Just listening to a beautiful song wash over you.
I went to the shop to enquire. I didnt buy the CD. It was part of a compilation.
But I went back twice more after leaving the shop.
The shopkeeper replayed it for me when he saw me. Yes... I love it. Esp listening to it after a bath, at 11.59am.
Des yeux qui font baisser les miens
(The eyes that make mine lower)
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche
(A laughter that gets lost on his mouth)
Voilà le portrait sans retouches
(There is the portrait without retouchings)
De l'homme auquel j'appartiens
(Of the man which I belong to)
Quand il me prend dans ses bras
(When he takes me in his arms)
Il me parle tout bas
(He speaks me all bottom)
Je vois la vie en rose
(I see life in rose (pink))
Il me dit des mots d'amour
(He tells me words of love)
Des mots de tous les jours
(The words of every day)
Et ça m'fait quelque chose
(And that made me something)
Il est entré dans mon coeur
(He entered in my heart)
Une part de bonheur
(A part of happiness)
Dont je connais la cause
(Of which I know the reason)
C'est lui pour moi, moi pour lui, dans la vie
(It is he for me, me for him, in life)
Il me l'a dit
(He told it to me)
\tl'a juré
\(tswore him)
\tpour la vie
\(tfor life)
Et dès que je l'aperçois
(And as soon as I see him)
Alors je sens dans moi
(Then I feel in me)
Mon coeur qui bat
(My heart that beats)
Des nuits d'amour à plus finir
(Of love nights more to finish)
Un grand bonheur qui prend sa place
(A big happiness that takes his room)
Les ennuis, les chagrins s'effacent
(Boredoms, griefs fade away)
Heureux, heureux à en mourir
(Happy, happy to die)
Quand il me prend dans ses bras
(When he takes me in his arms)
Il me parle tout bas
(He speaks me all bottom)
Je vois la vie en rose
(I see life in rose (pink))
Il me dit des mots d'amour
(He tells me of love words)
Des mots de tous les jours
(The words of every day)
Et ça m'fait quelque chose
(And that made me something)
Il est entré dans mon coeur
(He entered in my heart)
Une part de bonheur
(A part of happiness)
Dont je connais la cause
(Of which I know the reason)
C'est toi pour moi, moi pour toi, dans la vie
(It is you for me, me for you, in life)
Tu me l'as dit
(You told it)
\tl'as juré
\tthe ace juror
\tpour la vie
\tfor life, to me
Et dès que je t'aperçois
(And as soon as I see you)
Alors je sens dans moi
(Then I feel in me)
Mon coeur qui bat
(My heart that beats)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUcJWaC-2Co
Can hear it here if you like.
Today, I finally stepped out of my house. Weijing came over in the morning and (while busy telling me what CDs she has to burn using my com, haha) she eventually talked me into going out. After going out, I admit that it was fun. Esp with the other girls tw, kry, fm, seok. I felt, again, that the happiest life is the simplest life. Perhaps the happiest man on earth is really a fool. But what is a fool? Who is a fool? Is he really a fool, or are you the fool? Maybe they know less than us. Maybe they know more than us. 做人真是难得糊涂。I thought the word depression rather irks me. I rather think of it as deep thinking. But you know, like all other things, thinking can also go out of hand.
La Vie en Rose.
I enjoy this song. Edith Piaf.. I love records.
I actually heard it outside a CD shop today. Was by Tony Bennet and K.D. Lang. I thought, I just stopped thinking. It was so nice, just to do that. Just listening to a beautiful song wash over you.
I went to the shop to enquire. I didnt buy the CD. It was part of a compilation.
But I went back twice more after leaving the shop.
The shopkeeper replayed it for me when he saw me. Yes... I love it. Esp listening to it after a bath, at 11.59am.
Des yeux qui font baisser les miens
(The eyes that make mine lower)
Un rire qui se perd sur sa bouche
(A laughter that gets lost on his mouth)
Voilà le portrait sans retouches
(There is the portrait without retouchings)
De l'homme auquel j'appartiens
(Of the man which I belong to)
Quand il me prend dans ses bras
(When he takes me in his arms)
Il me parle tout bas
(He speaks me all bottom)
Je vois la vie en rose
(I see life in rose (pink))
Il me dit des mots d'amour
(He tells me words of love)
Des mots de tous les jours
(The words of every day)
Et ça m'fait quelque chose
(And that made me something)
Il est entré dans mon coeur
(He entered in my heart)
Une part de bonheur
(A part of happiness)
Dont je connais la cause
(Of which I know the reason)
C'est lui pour moi, moi pour lui, dans la vie
(It is he for me, me for him, in life)
Il me l'a dit
(He told it to me)
\tl'a juré
\(tswore him)
\tpour la vie
\(tfor life)
Et dès que je l'aperçois
(And as soon as I see him)
Alors je sens dans moi
(Then I feel in me)
Mon coeur qui bat
(My heart that beats)
Des nuits d'amour à plus finir
(Of love nights more to finish)
Un grand bonheur qui prend sa place
(A big happiness that takes his room)
Les ennuis, les chagrins s'effacent
(Boredoms, griefs fade away)
Heureux, heureux à en mourir
(Happy, happy to die)
Quand il me prend dans ses bras
(When he takes me in his arms)
Il me parle tout bas
(He speaks me all bottom)
Je vois la vie en rose
(I see life in rose (pink))
Il me dit des mots d'amour
(He tells me of love words)
Des mots de tous les jours
(The words of every day)
Et ça m'fait quelque chose
(And that made me something)
Il est entré dans mon coeur
(He entered in my heart)
Une part de bonheur
(A part of happiness)
Dont je connais la cause
(Of which I know the reason)
C'est toi pour moi, moi pour toi, dans la vie
(It is you for me, me for you, in life)
Tu me l'as dit
(You told it)
\tl'as juré
\tthe ace juror
\tpour la vie
\tfor life, to me
Et dès que je t'aperçois
(And as soon as I see you)
Alors je sens dans moi
(Then I feel in me)
Mon coeur qui bat
(My heart that beats)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DUcJWaC-2Co
Can hear it here if you like.
Friday, June 29, 2007
The most interesting parts of June
Well, it is always easier to start with an anecdote:
Think it was monday when I met up with ah min to collect the aj cert. The place was more crowded than what I had expected. Of course, I had failed to calculate the factor called common tests.
I wanted very very much to eat the char kway teow! I could even feel it in my mouth... Too bad, the whole canteen was filled with people, mugging. The sight made me lose interest in even going down and getting myself a packet of H2O. Subsequently, bcos fm needed a more reclusive bathroom (hehe) we went to LT5 and, I felt an irresistable urge to run into the LT. Looked through the small window and saw the lights on as usual, (aww, such a familiar sight!) even though it was empty (stupid wasting electicity though) and no doubt the air-con was on too (suddenly felt extremely comfortable). Hence, felt an even greater urge to swank the door open and run into the glorious light..Aah.. Can imagine fm grabbing the mike and starting to swirl and sing! Then i can prop up my legs on the backs of the chairs in the 2nd row, and keep heehee, jeering! =x HAA...so shuang!
But we didnt do any of the above in the end. I managed to stay civilised. While busy fantasizing, we spotted mr.loh (he was coming from the labs) and I suspected that he doesnt have a habit of saying hi to old kids. His legs managed to carry him out of our sight. Think Fm was a bit flabbergasted.
In good time, we left school for suki sushi. On the mrt, we chatted a lot. Haha. It was a gd 10 stops from yck to cck. And fm knows a lot about our old classmates' preferred choice of courses man! Haha. I didnt go and find out about them myself. But i got all the info in about 5 mins from fm anyway. Most of them opted for ntu; it seemed like the hottest choice this yr.
The buffet at Suki sushi didnt appeal much to me. But at least it doesnt appal me as much as sakae sushi. But but the prospect of the bill did seem to spoil my appetite a bit. I didnt eat much, except for potato salad. I ended up amusing fm for 2 hours, hahaha. I didnt want to go out initially, I think I cultivated agoraphobia during the hols. Either that or my inertia is too huge. Nothing can draw me out of my house except for mandatory nus medical checkups and dragged-for-as-long-as-can-be certificates collection. But I went for sushi buffet anyway, even though I was supposed to be on a diet, hard up and suffering from agoraphobia, for the sake of fm, haha.
Be forewarned! While I was eating, there was a war within me; The feeler part of me kept feeling ill at ease. Think it was guilt. But having the last table has its benefits. But then... a guy 2 tables away kept looking at me like I have potato salad on my face, so I had to try to shrink myself. Tall seats did their jobs too, by hiding me at some angles. The doer part of me just kept eating. In order to counter the problems of over eating, the thinker part of me led me to take mostly fruits and cream puffs, haaha...So, the feeler part of me kept feeling guilty and happy at having buffet, the thinker part was busy calculating the calories and making choices less bloating and the doer part was the happiest I think, it kept joking and kept taking things off the conveyer belt.
Back to nus, the hell of it, it rejected my application for hostel this semester!!! WTH! Cry...boohoo..I found out this morning. Bad. Bad news after a bad sleep in a bad night in my OWN room.
The weather is extremely hot. Think it is the summer of the summers in Singapore. Last night, I had switched on the air con, but that wasnt enough to penetrate the blubber of fats underneath my skin. So I decided to turn on the electric fan at the foot of my bed. But that proved a bit too much for my toes cos they tingled with cold so I decided to put on my fluffy socks. Then my legs grumbled of cold numbing skin, so I went to put on my track pants. But the meat underneath the skin decided to complain about being insulated. They decided to spread the heat up to my upper body. So I ended up feeling hot and cold and annoyed and sleepy and sleepless. Its a chore getting to sleep...so I got out of my bed and made myself a nice bottle of ice water. And I slept only at 4am. Yewks...I woke up at 2pm (see what holidays do to us) only to find out that my application has been rejected! Disappointing.
Think it was monday when I met up with ah min to collect the aj cert. The place was more crowded than what I had expected. Of course, I had failed to calculate the factor called common tests.
I wanted very very much to eat the char kway teow! I could even feel it in my mouth... Too bad, the whole canteen was filled with people, mugging. The sight made me lose interest in even going down and getting myself a packet of H2O. Subsequently, bcos fm needed a more reclusive bathroom (hehe) we went to LT5 and, I felt an irresistable urge to run into the LT. Looked through the small window and saw the lights on as usual, (aww, such a familiar sight!) even though it was empty (stupid wasting electicity though) and no doubt the air-con was on too (suddenly felt extremely comfortable). Hence, felt an even greater urge to swank the door open and run into the glorious light..Aah.. Can imagine fm grabbing the mike and starting to swirl and sing! Then i can prop up my legs on the backs of the chairs in the 2nd row, and keep heehee, jeering! =x HAA...so shuang!
But we didnt do any of the above in the end. I managed to stay civilised. While busy fantasizing, we spotted mr.loh (he was coming from the labs) and I suspected that he doesnt have a habit of saying hi to old kids. His legs managed to carry him out of our sight. Think Fm was a bit flabbergasted.
In good time, we left school for suki sushi. On the mrt, we chatted a lot. Haha. It was a gd 10 stops from yck to cck. And fm knows a lot about our old classmates' preferred choice of courses man! Haha. I didnt go and find out about them myself. But i got all the info in about 5 mins from fm anyway. Most of them opted for ntu; it seemed like the hottest choice this yr.
The buffet at Suki sushi didnt appeal much to me. But at least it doesnt appal me as much as sakae sushi. But but the prospect of the bill did seem to spoil my appetite a bit. I didnt eat much, except for potato salad. I ended up amusing fm for 2 hours, hahaha. I didnt want to go out initially, I think I cultivated agoraphobia during the hols. Either that or my inertia is too huge. Nothing can draw me out of my house except for mandatory nus medical checkups and dragged-for-as-long-as-can-be certificates collection. But I went for sushi buffet anyway, even though I was supposed to be on a diet, hard up and suffering from agoraphobia, for the sake of fm, haha.
Be forewarned! While I was eating, there was a war within me; The feeler part of me kept feeling ill at ease. Think it was guilt. But having the last table has its benefits. But then... a guy 2 tables away kept looking at me like I have potato salad on my face, so I had to try to shrink myself. Tall seats did their jobs too, by hiding me at some angles. The doer part of me just kept eating. In order to counter the problems of over eating, the thinker part of me led me to take mostly fruits and cream puffs, haaha...So, the feeler part of me kept feeling guilty and happy at having buffet, the thinker part was busy calculating the calories and making choices less bloating and the doer part was the happiest I think, it kept joking and kept taking things off the conveyer belt.
Back to nus, the hell of it, it rejected my application for hostel this semester!!! WTH! Cry...boohoo..I found out this morning. Bad. Bad news after a bad sleep in a bad night in my OWN room.
The weather is extremely hot. Think it is the summer of the summers in Singapore. Last night, I had switched on the air con, but that wasnt enough to penetrate the blubber of fats underneath my skin. So I decided to turn on the electric fan at the foot of my bed. But that proved a bit too much for my toes cos they tingled with cold so I decided to put on my fluffy socks. Then my legs grumbled of cold numbing skin, so I went to put on my track pants. But the meat underneath the skin decided to complain about being insulated. They decided to spread the heat up to my upper body. So I ended up feeling hot and cold and annoyed and sleepy and sleepless. Its a chore getting to sleep...so I got out of my bed and made myself a nice bottle of ice water. And I slept only at 4am. Yewks...I woke up at 2pm (see what holidays do to us) only to find out that my application has been rejected! Disappointing.
Sunday, May 27, 2007
Vroom, vroom. Random Report on my life.
Mixing around with my clique of friends sent me into a spate of well, chatter. (Rmbr my paragraph on power of suggestion? Now I'm really 'suggested'.)
Starting with today ba...
Today, I finally went out with those bunch of guys! Namely, Seok, WJ and WJ, Kry, min ah min and yewling. Okies, haha, they should be really glad cos I missed the previous 2 outings and they missed me =x As usual, I was up to no good and my finger kept clicking on the shutter of my digicam. Hee...guess I really like taking photographs. Of cos, I didnt let anyone take my photograph!
The weather was really hot today and I nearly died when I found out that we were having steamboat in an unair-conditioned restaurant. It turned out to be quite enjoyable, of cos, kudos to my bunch of sweety friends, haha. Though, I found out that most of us have er, matured a little. Lame jokes were bountiful of cos. You know a leopard cant change its spots! =) Yuling became the shellfish and prawn king again. Seok, the bdae granny, won the spicy king title. She nearly ate up the most spicy soup base by herself. Kry and I shared the same taste in the soup base too. But I couldnt share her craze for mushrooms, hahaha. I attacked the pig intestines, stomach and liver, heee...Weejia wore red, snatching for attention with the bdae granny. He's on weekend camp hol, and I feel that the camp really had quite an effect on him. Still, melancholic cum practical cum cold blooded as I am, I have to say, life's like that!
Further back a few weeks, I was rotting at home due to the long holiday. I quitted my job in relief teaching 1 month earlier than I planned to initially. I took to reading, but my patience wore thin when it comes to random novels that I pick out of the shelves of community libraries. So, I ended up reading history texts! Yea yea! Hee, also, I borrowed a few chinese books on writing (to improve my writing skills but I ended up reading them as history and comical texts. quite fun actually.). To say the truth, 10% of me regret taking up project and facilities management. Haha.
Wish I could do something like CL, Jap, French, translation, international studies, chinese history and culture in NUS. Yoohoo! But I would be dreaming if I did, haha. Nevertheless, I'll work hard towards the exams. I got A1 in PW leh =x That says something right? So, I should be able to do well after all. (Geez...am I lying to myself?) It wont be that bad (thats what I tell myself). Then, I hope I would be able to bid successfully for major in management (technology)! So, now, dont think so much! Like a predator, I should only look in front of me. Yap. (You know, this is biology...)
Starting with today ba...
Today, I finally went out with those bunch of guys! Namely, Seok, WJ and WJ, Kry, min ah min and yewling. Okies, haha, they should be really glad cos I missed the previous 2 outings and they missed me =x As usual, I was up to no good and my finger kept clicking on the shutter of my digicam. Hee...guess I really like taking photographs. Of cos, I didnt let anyone take my photograph!
The weather was really hot today and I nearly died when I found out that we were having steamboat in an unair-conditioned restaurant. It turned out to be quite enjoyable, of cos, kudos to my bunch of sweety friends, haha. Though, I found out that most of us have er, matured a little. Lame jokes were bountiful of cos. You know a leopard cant change its spots! =) Yuling became the shellfish and prawn king again. Seok, the bdae granny, won the spicy king title. She nearly ate up the most spicy soup base by herself. Kry and I shared the same taste in the soup base too. But I couldnt share her craze for mushrooms, hahaha. I attacked the pig intestines, stomach and liver, heee...Weejia wore red, snatching for attention with the bdae granny. He's on weekend camp hol, and I feel that the camp really had quite an effect on him. Still, melancholic cum practical cum cold blooded as I am, I have to say, life's like that!
Further back a few weeks, I was rotting at home due to the long holiday. I quitted my job in relief teaching 1 month earlier than I planned to initially. I took to reading, but my patience wore thin when it comes to random novels that I pick out of the shelves of community libraries. So, I ended up reading history texts! Yea yea! Hee, also, I borrowed a few chinese books on writing (to improve my writing skills but I ended up reading them as history and comical texts. quite fun actually.). To say the truth, 10% of me regret taking up project and facilities management. Haha.
Wish I could do something like CL, Jap, French, translation, international studies, chinese history and culture in NUS. Yoohoo! But I would be dreaming if I did, haha. Nevertheless, I'll work hard towards the exams. I got A1 in PW leh =x That says something right? So, I should be able to do well after all. (Geez...am I lying to myself?) It wont be that bad (thats what I tell myself). Then, I hope I would be able to bid successfully for major in management (technology)! So, now, dont think so much! Like a predator, I should only look in front of me. Yap. (You know, this is biology...)
Saturday, May 26, 2007
26 May 2007
Recently, or should I say, for the past 2 weeks, I have re-logged in to my FWO account. This game took up a huge part of my life 'bout 4-5 years ago when I was very much addicted to it.
I have quitted 2 years ago. Now that I'm back, I tried to look at the life that I have used to lead.
Most of my old friends have left the game. But they're still very much alive, thank you very much. However, when I looked at the traces and hints of the lives they're leading now, a feeling of regret came rushing over me. I see that they're living well. I see that they have kept in touch. I see that they have still kept the friendships which I have chose to leave behind. I suddenly understood why a few days ago, my friend, KQ, was so mad at me for not putting in effort in sustaining our friendship. But...am I really such an irresponsible person? I dont know. Is this called backlash? Or is this called...retribution is too hard a word...
When I quitted 2 years ago, I've never thought of turning back. There were too many things happening back then that drove me to make this decision. That is why, when a very close friend of mine started to play this game, I was very angry. Because it reminds me of the life that I have put behind me. Now, I start to suffer the consequences of the decision that I have made. The consequences that I thought I would never have to face because I thought I would never have to see the things which I have turned my back on.
It sounds heartless, but the truth was more merciless still back then. One fine day, I was freaked (a weird word to use, a long story to tell) out, chickened out.... So, I did things my usual dramatic way and refused to get anywhere near internet. Still, I am starting to doubt.. Seeing traces of this past made me feel pangs of, I dont know what, sadness or unwillingness?
Therefore if there is no point in turning back, maybe I should grit my teeth and hold on with this decision. Since I decided to cut off all contacts with the game 2 years ago, it makes no sense that the game or its people would welcome me back with an open arm. I still have my game character (blar..), still know how to use it (bleh..). For those few friends who are still ingame, perhaps the friendship can still be renewed. However, for the majority, the best of the friends that I have made, I'm really afraid I've lost them since. I dont really have the courage to look them up, or pretend that we're still as close as ever. After so many years, unwillingly or not, ties would have strained. However, I am really glad, and comforted that, well, there's still one, out of these many friends, who is still in touch with me. Though, he's kind of busy.
Thinking aloud: I wonder if we have lost that spark between us. Looks like, for the both of us, we have to let nature take its course.
Perhaps, I might feel better if I find the initial reason for which I decided to say, chop chop, Goodbye.
I have quitted 2 years ago. Now that I'm back, I tried to look at the life that I have used to lead.
Most of my old friends have left the game. But they're still very much alive, thank you very much. However, when I looked at the traces and hints of the lives they're leading now, a feeling of regret came rushing over me. I see that they're living well. I see that they have kept in touch. I see that they have still kept the friendships which I have chose to leave behind. I suddenly understood why a few days ago, my friend, KQ, was so mad at me for not putting in effort in sustaining our friendship. But...am I really such an irresponsible person? I dont know. Is this called backlash? Or is this called...retribution is too hard a word...
When I quitted 2 years ago, I've never thought of turning back. There were too many things happening back then that drove me to make this decision. That is why, when a very close friend of mine started to play this game, I was very angry. Because it reminds me of the life that I have put behind me. Now, I start to suffer the consequences of the decision that I have made. The consequences that I thought I would never have to face because I thought I would never have to see the things which I have turned my back on.
It sounds heartless, but the truth was more merciless still back then. One fine day, I was freaked (a weird word to use, a long story to tell) out, chickened out.... So, I did things my usual dramatic way and refused to get anywhere near internet. Still, I am starting to doubt.. Seeing traces of this past made me feel pangs of, I dont know what, sadness or unwillingness?
Therefore if there is no point in turning back, maybe I should grit my teeth and hold on with this decision. Since I decided to cut off all contacts with the game 2 years ago, it makes no sense that the game or its people would welcome me back with an open arm. I still have my game character (blar..), still know how to use it (bleh..). For those few friends who are still ingame, perhaps the friendship can still be renewed. However, for the majority, the best of the friends that I have made, I'm really afraid I've lost them since. I dont really have the courage to look them up, or pretend that we're still as close as ever. After so many years, unwillingly or not, ties would have strained. However, I am really glad, and comforted that, well, there's still one, out of these many friends, who is still in touch with me. Though, he's kind of busy.
Thinking aloud: I wonder if we have lost that spark between us. Looks like, for the both of us, we have to let nature take its course.
Perhaps, I might feel better if I find the initial reason for which I decided to say, chop chop, Goodbye.
Thursday, May 24, 2007
When you got to say, you got to say.
Colours mean a great deal to people, yup? I just visited the blogs of some of my old classmates and I realised that most of their blogs have very very dark backgrounds. Which actually is quite soothing to the eye. It makes reading easier. Except that the font is often way too colourful and often surprisingly small. My blog has a white background, which makes it a little boring, a little too bright, though I feel it has a wakening effect.
I realise that reading blogs can be a very inspirational thing when it comes to writing your own blogs. It is because of the power of suggestion. Rather powerful. For example, I give you a very physiological example, yawning. If one among many friends sitting together yawns, the others probably feel bored. Then one other friend may probably also yawn.
The power of suggestion also applies to writing. Just like, when you see people write, you will have an urge to write an article of your own. I'm not really gonna say which blogs I have read jus now, haha, but I saw 1 which is meaningful as usual. I saw 1 that is funny and detailed as usual. I saw one that sounds quite angry. Then I scanned through 2 which are boring. Seems to me that all my friends are relatively enjoying their lives, even if it may be a little tough at the moment.
Today, I very unexpectedly quarrelled with a friend. I normally do not quarrel because it strains relationships. But this one got on my nerves. It happened because for the upteenth time, I postponed a date. This sounds out of the thin air. But a friend of mine got very angry when I said that I dont feel like going out, again?
Later, I talked a bit about this source of discontent with a seperate party and this other party reckons that if she were the person in discussion, she would be rather mad too. I was a little taken aback by this remark. Because, in my opinion, there is nothing to be angry about when someone dont want to move her butt from her house. Hence, I tried to think from the other point of view, still.... I think there is just not sufficient reason to flareup. I was accused of not putting in effort to maintain the friendship, which upon hearing, made me flare up.
The argument with my friend ended without an end, halfway online.
There are so many blogs, so many windows to people's life, through which we can also feel what they're feeling. Coming to think of it, I wasnt able to blog, or able to write because I lack a driving force. Sometimes I blog because I need response. Sometimes I blog because I need a vent.
Alright, I'm going to the next post because I'm gonna start a seperate topic.
I realise that reading blogs can be a very inspirational thing when it comes to writing your own blogs. It is because of the power of suggestion. Rather powerful. For example, I give you a very physiological example, yawning. If one among many friends sitting together yawns, the others probably feel bored. Then one other friend may probably also yawn.
The power of suggestion also applies to writing. Just like, when you see people write, you will have an urge to write an article of your own. I'm not really gonna say which blogs I have read jus now, haha, but I saw 1 which is meaningful as usual. I saw 1 that is funny and detailed as usual. I saw one that sounds quite angry. Then I scanned through 2 which are boring. Seems to me that all my friends are relatively enjoying their lives, even if it may be a little tough at the moment.
Today, I very unexpectedly quarrelled with a friend. I normally do not quarrel because it strains relationships. But this one got on my nerves. It happened because for the upteenth time, I postponed a date. This sounds out of the thin air. But a friend of mine got very angry when I said that I dont feel like going out, again?
Later, I talked a bit about this source of discontent with a seperate party and this other party reckons that if she were the person in discussion, she would be rather mad too. I was a little taken aback by this remark. Because, in my opinion, there is nothing to be angry about when someone dont want to move her butt from her house. Hence, I tried to think from the other point of view, still.... I think there is just not sufficient reason to flareup. I was accused of not putting in effort to maintain the friendship, which upon hearing, made me flare up.
The argument with my friend ended without an end, halfway online.
There are so many blogs, so many windows to people's life, through which we can also feel what they're feeling. Coming to think of it, I wasnt able to blog, or able to write because I lack a driving force. Sometimes I blog because I need response. Sometimes I blog because I need a vent.
Alright, I'm going to the next post because I'm gonna start a seperate topic.
事后感言拼盘
人生不如意事真的是十之八九呀！
最近我的时运特别的低。挫败感特别‘旺盛’。不知道那些坏消息是不是朋友，全部相约好同一时间来拜访我。突然间这么多不速之客，简直搞得我心情一度陷入谷底。
那你一定很好奇是什么事弄得我心烦意乱，甚至丧失信心。其实不就是成绩哩。。。
首 先，几个月前成绩的放榜使我自觉是个失败的学生。再来，某大学拒绝了我的申请。再来考什么SAT，拿的分数又不符合某大学，的那个科系的那个入学标准。 加起来，简直令人想哭。分明是在炮轰我，在打击我！把我变成了一无是处。
眼 见身边好友同学各个成绩优越，那可真是雪上加霜。成绩差强人意的我，不知不觉要靠边站。至于选科什么的，什么大好前程，全部和我 扯不上关系。我为我渺茫的前途感到沮丧，感到彷徨无助。似乎是昔日的戏言，今朝全到眼前来。当然，再此并非戏言身后事，而是戏言无法当上大医生大律师什么 的。
这个人要面子树要皮。我死鸭子嘴硬，说不在意。其实，我还不是凡夫俗子一个。心里是十分在乎的。人生的一大转捩点耶！能说不要紧就 不要紧吗？偷偷告诉 你。有都是骗人的。抛开潇洒的一面，我辞掉了临时功，决定在家里当个闲人。名义上是要好好享受这段难得的假期。实则是要在家里养我这颗。。。这颗。。。受 创的心灵。
别看我语气轻松。其实我经过了多个星期的低迷才能如此心平气和的在这里打字。有很多时候是自己在房里拭泪的。能不伤心吗？只是对人开心背人愁。
并非说我现在不在意了，而是我渐渐接受了。
我 记得，曾经有位老师说我是温室里的小花。他／她喻意我经不起风吹雨淋，没有恒心，做事轻易放弃，难成大器。当然，我听了觉得很恼。我不服气，因为我觉得 我已经很努力了。我得不到我要的成绩，看不到我想要的效果，我觉得，非常非常的委屈。我写的文章被批评，我就难以接受。我想，我真是给那可恶的老师说对 了。我的确经不起失败的大浪。成功的彼岸，我将无法到达。因为经过一两次失败我就放弃了。我决定让自己好过一点，自己安慰我自己几句，最后还是没有进取。 所以，至今，我无法写出好文章。
到底我想说什么？
我的失败早可以预料。因为的态度十年来没多达改变。被人斥一句说我文句不好，我就放弃写作了。成绩考得烂一些，就连奋斗心也赔上了。
当然，现在我还是有点一蹶不振。但是我会尽力不自怨自艾。现在我失败了，并不代表我在别的领域会失败。就算我无法考进那些高荣誉的科系，我也不应该只是抱怨。如果连自己都看不起自己的科系，那么将如何在社会与他人一教高低？
最重要的还是态度。都说了不如意事十之八九。考验是来让我们更加坚强的。不要对失败低头！首先就要劝自己接受失败，然后继续加油了。后边儿的考验，大把 咧。与其羡慕别人，还不如自己先来努力。只要继续勇往直前，能够逆来顺受，就算带着充满失败的疤痕的身躯。。。我们还
是会有成功的一天的。
还要在往上爬。。。似乎也并不太难。。。
说说而已。。。呵呵。
最近我的时运特别的低。挫败感特别‘旺盛’。不知道那些坏消息是不是朋友，全部相约好同一时间来拜访我。突然间这么多不速之客，简直搞得我心情一度陷入谷底。
那你一定很好奇是什么事弄得我心烦意乱，甚至丧失信心。其实不就是成绩哩。。。
首 先，几个月前成绩的放榜使我自觉是个失败的学生。再来，某大学拒绝了我的申请。再来考什么SAT，拿的分数又不符合某大学，的那个科系的那个入学标准。 加起来，简直令人想哭。分明是在炮轰我，在打击我！把我变成了一无是处。
眼 见身边好友同学各个成绩优越，那可真是雪上加霜。成绩差强人意的我，不知不觉要靠边站。至于选科什么的，什么大好前程，全部和我 扯不上关系。我为我渺茫的前途感到沮丧，感到彷徨无助。似乎是昔日的戏言，今朝全到眼前来。当然，再此并非戏言身后事，而是戏言无法当上大医生大律师什么 的。
这个人要面子树要皮。我死鸭子嘴硬，说不在意。其实，我还不是凡夫俗子一个。心里是十分在乎的。人生的一大转捩点耶！能说不要紧就 不要紧吗？偷偷告诉 你。有都是骗人的。抛开潇洒的一面，我辞掉了临时功，决定在家里当个闲人。名义上是要好好享受这段难得的假期。实则是要在家里养我这颗。。。这颗。。。受 创的心灵。
别看我语气轻松。其实我经过了多个星期的低迷才能如此心平气和的在这里打字。有很多时候是自己在房里拭泪的。能不伤心吗？只是对人开心背人愁。
并非说我现在不在意了，而是我渐渐接受了。
我 记得，曾经有位老师说我是温室里的小花。他／她喻意我经不起风吹雨淋，没有恒心，做事轻易放弃，难成大器。当然，我听了觉得很恼。我不服气，因为我觉得 我已经很努力了。我得不到我要的成绩，看不到我想要的效果，我觉得，非常非常的委屈。我写的文章被批评，我就难以接受。我想，我真是给那可恶的老师说对 了。我的确经不起失败的大浪。成功的彼岸，我将无法到达。因为经过一两次失败我就放弃了。我决定让自己好过一点，自己安慰我自己几句，最后还是没有进取。 所以，至今，我无法写出好文章。
到底我想说什么？
我的失败早可以预料。因为的态度十年来没多达改变。被人斥一句说我文句不好，我就放弃写作了。成绩考得烂一些，就连奋斗心也赔上了。
当然，现在我还是有点一蹶不振。但是我会尽力不自怨自艾。现在我失败了，并不代表我在别的领域会失败。就算我无法考进那些高荣誉的科系，我也不应该只是抱怨。如果连自己都看不起自己的科系，那么将如何在社会与他人一教高低？
最重要的还是态度。都说了不如意事十之八九。考验是来让我们更加坚强的。不要对失败低头！首先就要劝自己接受失败，然后继续加油了。后边儿的考验，大把 咧。与其羡慕别人，还不如自己先来努力。只要继续勇往直前，能够逆来顺受，就算带着充满失败的疤痕的身躯。。。我们还
是会有成功的一天的。
还要在往上爬。。。似乎也并不太难。。。
说说而已。。。呵呵。
Monday, March 12, 2007
Office life
So far, the relieft teaching job at WSSS is the best job I've had. Although the turn out rate for relief teacher is high, I feel that I can last till August.
Some shortcomings of this job include, backache, legache, toothache, stomachache and headache.
You see, if we're not teaching, we're sitting. But thats better than the regular office job. Bcos for a regular office job, if you're not sitting, you're still sitting.
Then here comes the backache part. No matter how i sit, with a cushion or what (ok, i even tried the silly office exercise routine that is on display on the big poster on the staff noticeboard), i still get backaches.
Legache comes from standing in heels. You cant teach in slippers or in a chair.
Toothache comes from eating all the tidbits in the pantry.
Stomachache comes from shouting at the boy sitting in the last row of the classroom.
Headache comes from catching the boy who ran out of the classroom during your last lesson.
On top of all these, this job is good. Cos I get to shout at people. I love it, cos I got a loud voice, enough to rival 40 students in a go.
Then, I get to sit whenever I like. This is really important for me because my last two jobs require me to stand when I'm duty.
Third, I can watch tv when I hav no lessons.
Fourth, I can read newspapers during work.
Fifth, I can read novels during invigilations.
Sixth, I get free Reader's Digest and 星期五周报.
.
.
.
Basically, I have lots of freedom, so I wont resign. I'm quite contented. But I dont enjoy being a teacher either. Takes the life out of you.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
If you're not interested in class, get out.
Just leave your name behind.
Shut up or get out now!
Yes....no.
Sounds totally uncool right? But I have no choice. I dont have enough love to teach la...the classes are all so damn noisy I wonder why they come to school. Make me so touchy. If I'm my student...
Some shortcomings of this job include, backache, legache, toothache, stomachache and headache.
You see, if we're not teaching, we're sitting. But thats better than the regular office job. Bcos for a regular office job, if you're not sitting, you're still sitting.
Then here comes the backache part. No matter how i sit, with a cushion or what (ok, i even tried the silly office exercise routine that is on display on the big poster on the staff noticeboard), i still get backaches.
Legache comes from standing in heels. You cant teach in slippers or in a chair.
Toothache comes from eating all the tidbits in the pantry.
Stomachache comes from shouting at the boy sitting in the last row of the classroom.
Headache comes from catching the boy who ran out of the classroom during your last lesson.
On top of all these, this job is good. Cos I get to shout at people. I love it, cos I got a loud voice, enough to rival 40 students in a go.
Then, I get to sit whenever I like. This is really important for me because my last two jobs require me to stand when I'm duty.
Third, I can watch tv when I hav no lessons.
Fourth, I can read newspapers during work.
Fifth, I can read novels during invigilations.
Sixth, I get free Reader's Digest and 星期五周报.
.
.
.
Basically, I have lots of freedom, so I wont resign. I'm quite contented. But I dont enjoy being a teacher either. Takes the life out of you.
Ladies and Gentlemen,
If you're not interested in class, get out.
Just leave your name behind.
Shut up or get out now!
Yes....no.
Sounds totally uncool right? But I have no choice. I dont have enough love to teach la...the classes are all so damn noisy I wonder why they come to school. Make me so touchy. If I'm my student...
When we speak of army
Army sgt says," I'm really tough."
Recruit D asks,"Ok sgt, how tough are you?"
Army sgt says,"1st I dont tolerate weaklings."
Recruit D snorts.
Recruit M says,"Rubbish. What kind of ans did u give? My friend asked u how tough you are."
Army sgt says,"I'm as tough as steel."
Recruit M snorts.
Recruit W ponders and start to feel scared.
Recruit D snorts and asks,"Ok what other things you want to add?"
Amy sgt says,"For information on reporting dates, press 1. For information on visiting dates, press 2. For information on rules and regulations, press 3. For information on location of army camps, press 4. 华语请按五。For an operator, press 0."
Recruit D asks,"Ok sgt, how tough are you?"
Army sgt says,"1st I dont tolerate weaklings."
Recruit D snorts.
Recruit M says,"Rubbish. What kind of ans did u give? My friend asked u how tough you are."
Army sgt says,"I'm as tough as steel."
Recruit M snorts.
Recruit W ponders and start to feel scared.
Recruit D snorts and asks,"Ok what other things you want to add?"
Amy sgt says,"For information on reporting dates, press 1. For information on visiting dates, press 2. For information on rules and regulations, press 3. For information on location of army camps, press 4. 华语请按五。For an operator, press 0."
Sunday, January 21, 2007
These 2 months, I've been leading life like a...loafer. =)
Honestly, I couldn't bear holding the same job for a prolonged period of time. I have been a sales assistant, waitress and private tutor. Life has been hard, especially when it comes to money. I can't help but worry for myself, what if I spend all my life like this? Gulps. The thought is hard to bear. However, at least I'm not tied down by anything! That makes me so happy. So I spend my time embroidering, reading books and writing poems. Sounds like...someone who is too...impractical.
No la, actually I'm a really practical person. I really care when I have no money in my pocket lor! But I can still afford a pair of red court shoes la. Yesterday went out my bunch of friends. Think I will organise an outing every week...as long as I manage to shake off the dreaded feeling of being a loafer on that day...
Honestly, I couldn't bear holding the same job for a prolonged period of time. I have been a sales assistant, waitress and private tutor. Life has been hard, especially when it comes to money. I can't help but worry for myself, what if I spend all my life like this? Gulps. The thought is hard to bear. However, at least I'm not tied down by anything! That makes me so happy. So I spend my time embroidering, reading books and writing poems. Sounds like...someone who is too...impractical.
No la, actually I'm a really practical person. I really care when I have no money in my pocket lor! But I can still afford a pair of red court shoes la. Yesterday went out my bunch of friends. Think I will organise an outing every week...as long as I manage to shake off the dreaded feeling of being a loafer on that day...
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
One-day entry
I haven't been to this blog for such a long time I'm not sure if the pw is correct but it is correct anyway.
I want to upload the pictures of the countdown for New Year, unfortunately I have been too busy being lazy so too bad. I wanted to give an account of the countdown at Marina Square, but again I have been too busy being lazy, so badder.
I want to upload the pictures of the countdown for New Year, unfortunately I have been too busy being lazy so too bad. I wanted to give an account of the countdown at Marina Square, but again I have been too busy being lazy, so badder.
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