我们不明白对方

我自认给了他很多机会，也尽可能改善自己来迁就他。不过我认为，我一切的努力，的用心，他都视若无睹。这些都是我的假设，可能在读这篇的你觉得我偏激。这里都是我，我，我。那他呢？事实上，写这篇的时候，我也在流泪。问题不是一朝一夕产生的。我尝试用很多方法解决。不论是正面，侧面，甚至负面，过了这么久，问题依然存在。从我的角度，问题在于他，不过我也曾想过这当中也有我的因素。所以我也有尽量迁就，忍气吞声。我的牺牲，我的担忧，我肉体上的迁就，所给的，我精神上的困扰，的起起落落。。已经不是第一次想要用分离的方法解决问题。我是真的累了。我无法继续付出却得不到收获。我所反映给他的，我得不到具体的答案。问题一次又一次地重复。我很沮丧，内心也像被一片片地被剥夺，被取走。我知道事情总有一天会一触即发。可能今天就是吧。也许他也还不知道事情之所以演变成今天是什么原因，一味的认为是因为昨晚所发生的事。不过，不是。是因为时间一直累计下来的问题，令我非常的沮丧。我任性吗？我不知道。不过我真的觉得我的容忍度，迁就能力，自我内疚，自卑感已经被推到了近极限。很多次我已经说明了我需要的是什么。但是我的肢体语言，表达方式，语气，时机，要不是起不了作用，不然就是对方视若无睹。或者他已经记在心里没有表达出来。然而这几个月来，我没有看到很大的改善。反而我的内心一天一天的失望，沮丧，无奈。到底要如何挽救我们之间的感情？难道我是得依然无声地迁就和思考吗？我所告诉你的，要求你的，你都化作耳边风吗？还是我为了迁就你的感受，话说得太婉转，你没有发觉到事情的严重性？是我们沟通不了所以事情发展到这个地步，还是从一开始，我们就没有为长远打算。还是，我们彼此都不了解对方。早上我确实很生气。现在，我很失落。不想接听你的任何电话。现在可能已经不是解释的时候了。是彼此冷静的时候。然而，你依然想挽救这份感情的话，也许你会做出一些令我出乎意料的事。很久以前我有这种奢望，这种幻想。不过事实告诉了我，这种想法是天真的。我真的很累了。我已经多月来饱受折磨，无量反思。现在可以看你的了吗？如果你依然是如往常坐视不理，希望问题自动解决，觉得只要解决昨晚的事，觉得十分钟的时间，或是一通电话能够解决。。也许我们的感情真的需要告一段落。

Exams are over

Yeah, exams were over yesterday at 3pm officially.

Indeed I felt a sense of julibee. Listen, felt. I'm not sure why the feeling of euphoria didnt linger. Nor did I feel extremely released and after being fred from the exams. Probably because I have to interview for office work which would bind me from 9 to 6 EXCLUDING transport time. And probably because my dog boarding business is so good I have to skip dinner. There were alot of callers, unfortunately I couldnt take them all in because of the constrictions.

Well, life.
They tell me it is not everything that I can have it my way. Whats the point of being a youth then?

I am a youth am I? Someone told me I am old enough to think for myself already. They dont need to say so much. Duh~ It is just another way of saying I cant be bothered to talk to you right?

Somewhere I read that youths experience adolescence and are frequently allowed to do anything rebellious that they like. Didnt think that is true.

Now I know. How important it is when somebody out there says "I thank my Dad, my Mum, my family members for supporting me throughout.." Because I have experienced numerous dissupport.

And whats worse? I was called 1week + ago to interview and I said I can work only after 7May. Now that it is 7May, and I called, they are rejecting me. So what happened 1 week ago? =/

Uni Lingo

And it's abit funny. When I read the blogs of fellow friends in uni. They have weird and sophiscated and suspiciously professional looking lingo for uni stuff.

What do I have?
Env Science for Buildings aka Env Sci
IT for projects aka IT
Principles of Econs aka Econs
Struggle for Modern China aka hist.
Politics in Southeast Asia aka Politics

All perfectlt understandable hor? Haiz..what am I doing in university? Not so sure. lets take a look at my module titles again. Do those module justify the debt I have incurred even before I start to work?

Think again. Whats life? Might as well go back to the world of martial arts! Yeah! I love wulin and jianghu!

Midnight

5h more to the last paper and I am surfing the net and becoming more depressed and desperate and anxious and wanna explode from inside out.
Why? Because I am such ill prepared! Admit it. Uni for me is a total flop. I cant concentrate enough to study. Whats my life getting into? I am wasting every bit of time and money invested in uni la. I dunno why but I cant study! Is it a personality problem or intelligence problem?
I'm not even involved in any school activities except for exams.
My dad asked me hor, do you know what is the meaning of life?

Hey you. I would like to know it too. I bet a thousand people out there are looking for the answer too.
Whats the meaning of life? Tell me! Tell me something that I can accept! Tell me something that I can accept with ease! Tell me something that I wont feel constricted and choked upon hearing!

Darn. Back to exams. Last paper tomorrow and there are TWO papers. I dont think I absorbed anything during the semester for economics. Probably it would be as bad as statistics. I judged from the amount of work put in for it.

Studies studies. Well students in the past dont have the same kind of responsibilty and mental pressure that we students have in the present. So...what is the meaning of life?????
I dont mean to say I dont wanna live on. I just...erghs...cant find the drive to work on for an aim. When I have found, my family opposes to it. So what is it? You tell me I have freedom and there is democracy when you rebutt every of my statement and refuse every option that I wish to make in my life.

So what is the conclusion? Simply write me a program and let me follow it like a machine lor! Ignore LIFE. There is no life.

Rachel's Pooch House (Yvonne's Bobby and Gigi)

It has been terribly hard to reject some of the boarders, especially since our family like the dogs and the owner was very satisfied with our service. The dogs were a dear to have with and Gigi was extremely cute. Bobby although old but mum was quite surprised and actually happy to see a small goat (she has never seen a white poodle) walking round our house.

Haiz...it is hard to turn someone like them down. Makes me feel uncomfortable de :(