Time to update my blog.
Stress.... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
The end.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Saturday, October 29, 2005
29 October 2005
The school term officially ended (not that I cant treat school days like holidays) but at least I can read daily and into the night. Haiz... stupid school library fine =( cost me $10 for a 6 month over due book of short stories. But I never read that book more than once.
The books I read these 2 weeks:
The Silmarillion
Unfinished Tales
The Lord of The Rings <--- I read this 2 pages daily, daily hor
The Ethics of Genetic Engineering
War and Violence
The Silence of The Lambs <--- Bel dropped Lit and lent me the book. But she refuses to sell it to me =x
Hannibal <--- made me lose sleep =_=
Da Vinci Code <--- After the big hoo haa and everyone telling me to read this book, I waited till Popular tagged it a 20% discount
Not that it's nice staying up late to read detective fiction and getting your pulse racing and blood pressure up, but I can't get to sleep with the darkness glooming around me and the murderer loose in my head (if u get what I mean). So, I end up staying up every night just to read. o_O Hmm... worse still, I don't dare to sleep until 4am. 4am feels like morning and I enjoy mornings. Nights make me feel uneasy and make me lose sleep (don't ponder too much over the meaning, but actually I'm not that nocturnal).
So... basically one can picture me, everynight, in a bedgown, buried and fidgetting under my blankets, reading a book while feeling scared about leaving my feet uncovered and exposed to the cold wind blew out my the air con (or something else), with all the lights switched on, refusing to look in the direction of the door and window; the loud sounds produced by an unwatched VCD playing on my computer, the slow drone of the air-con overworking, the loud ticking of the clock on my book shelf and the beating of my own heart, sometimes furious against my chest, sometimes soft and stealthily. Phew. I must try to remember to get some cup noodles and nescafe stocked up under my bed. =)
Next few projects/milestones:
Work Attachment at AMK hospital
Fuel Cell Project
Physics Mini Showcase <--- not voluntary
And... I just found out what a sonnet means.
Finished updating about my life.
The books I read these 2 weeks:
The Silmarillion
Unfinished Tales
The Lord of The Rings <--- I read this 2 pages daily, daily hor
The Ethics of Genetic Engineering
War and Violence
The Silence of The Lambs <--- Bel dropped Lit and lent me the book. But she refuses to sell it to me =x
Hannibal <--- made me lose sleep =_=
Da Vinci Code <--- After the big hoo haa and everyone telling me to read this book, I waited till Popular tagged it a 20% discount
Not that it's nice staying up late to read detective fiction and getting your pulse racing and blood pressure up, but I can't get to sleep with the darkness glooming around me and the murderer loose in my head (if u get what I mean). So, I end up staying up every night just to read. o_O Hmm... worse still, I don't dare to sleep until 4am. 4am feels like morning and I enjoy mornings. Nights make me feel uneasy and make me lose sleep (don't ponder too much over the meaning, but actually I'm not that nocturnal).
So... basically one can picture me, everynight, in a bedgown, buried and fidgetting under my blankets, reading a book while feeling scared about leaving my feet uncovered and exposed to the cold wind blew out my the air con (or something else), with all the lights switched on, refusing to look in the direction of the door and window; the loud sounds produced by an unwatched VCD playing on my computer, the slow drone of the air-con overworking, the loud ticking of the clock on my book shelf and the beating of my own heart, sometimes furious against my chest, sometimes soft and stealthily. Phew. I must try to remember to get some cup noodles and nescafe stocked up under my bed. =)
Next few projects/milestones:
Work Attachment at AMK hospital
Fuel Cell Project
Physics Mini Showcase <--- not voluntary
And... I just found out what a sonnet means.
Finished updating about my life.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
9.30pm
Unhappiness aside. Since I'm now listening to a song that makes me feel so comfortable that it's quite impossible to feel unhappy. In fact, I feel sleepy. So... one can actually be lazy enough to feel unhappy? o_O Neh... well, just diminished. Yawn... I'll leave you to ponder. If you want.
Now listening to: Quando Quando Quando Feat. N by Michael Buble
I realised, to my delight, on Friday that the people around me can be so humourous. ^^ A great deal I have heard although now they already seem dim in my memories. But I wont be quickly forgetting how light-hearted I had felt then. Partly because there is much sincerity I can feel from it. ^^
There were alot of chemistry jokes which I can't quite remember. I only remember the one about polar bears and polarity which makes them unmeltable, hahaha. Polar molecules 'repel' water molecules. Never mind if you don't understand. This is how chemists amuse themselves in the dull laboratories. hehe. Then there's a whole chunk on love, which is made hearty by chemistry terms. Out of the whole chunk I only remember one part which mentioned something like 'I have to be selfish because I'm endothermic and absorb all the love you have for me.' They were so creative I couldnt stop smiling when I read them.
If I couldnt stop smiling at the chemistry quotes, then I must say I couldnt stop laughing at the humanities jokes. One of them is like this:
Socialism:
You own 2 cows and you give 1 to your neighbour.
Communism:
You own 2 cows. The government takes away both and gives you the milk.
Capitalism:
You own 2 cows, sell 1 of them and buy a bull.
Maybe I'm easily amused but I marvel at the wit and humour in them, haha. Or is it that I haven't heard enough jokes? haha. Who cares? =p
Now I couldnt quite remember this, cos they flashed too fast and I dunno if I'm the only one who reads slowly. =s
So here's half of it:
If something walks, tax it. If it keeps walking, subsidise it.
The Character Development Program on Thursday was very boring because I have attended similar workshops. And I attended it with a huge air of distaste: because I don't like people telling me who I am and much less, categorise everybody under four groups. Much as I reject the idea of people telling me how I should act based on my personality, I tried to scale down as much of my negative feelings as possible and forced myself to listen humbly. Well, being a stupidly stubborn and arrogant person at heart, I tried to show how non-chalant I am in the midst of a hungry audience. Haha, sounds similar? :x
Anyway, I hope not that anyone who attended the program become a slave of their defined personality. It's quite a load of rubbish. Our fate and our body is in our hands. =) We musnt be enslaved! But well, there are certain things in life which we just give in to. It's only human. Argh.. I won't preach. I'm feeling lazy.
So, this draws an end to this post. =) More quando quando.
Now listening to: Quando Quando Quando Feat. N by Michael Buble
I realised, to my delight, on Friday that the people around me can be so humourous. ^^ A great deal I have heard although now they already seem dim in my memories. But I wont be quickly forgetting how light-hearted I had felt then. Partly because there is much sincerity I can feel from it. ^^
There were alot of chemistry jokes which I can't quite remember. I only remember the one about polar bears and polarity which makes them unmeltable, hahaha. Polar molecules 'repel' water molecules. Never mind if you don't understand. This is how chemists amuse themselves in the dull laboratories. hehe. Then there's a whole chunk on love, which is made hearty by chemistry terms. Out of the whole chunk I only remember one part which mentioned something like 'I have to be selfish because I'm endothermic and absorb all the love you have for me.' They were so creative I couldnt stop smiling when I read them.
If I couldnt stop smiling at the chemistry quotes, then I must say I couldnt stop laughing at the humanities jokes. One of them is like this:
Socialism:
You own 2 cows and you give 1 to your neighbour.
Communism:
You own 2 cows. The government takes away both and gives you the milk.
Capitalism:
You own 2 cows, sell 1 of them and buy a bull.
Maybe I'm easily amused but I marvel at the wit and humour in them, haha. Or is it that I haven't heard enough jokes? haha. Who cares? =p
Now I couldnt quite remember this, cos they flashed too fast and I dunno if I'm the only one who reads slowly. =s
So here's half of it:
If something walks, tax it. If it keeps walking, subsidise it.
The Character Development Program on Thursday was very boring because I have attended similar workshops. And I attended it with a huge air of distaste: because I don't like people telling me who I am and much less, categorise everybody under four groups. Much as I reject the idea of people telling me how I should act based on my personality, I tried to scale down as much of my negative feelings as possible and forced myself to listen humbly. Well, being a stupidly stubborn and arrogant person at heart, I tried to show how non-chalant I am in the midst of a hungry audience. Haha, sounds similar? :x
Anyway, I hope not that anyone who attended the program become a slave of their defined personality. It's quite a load of rubbish. Our fate and our body is in our hands. =) We musnt be enslaved! But well, there are certain things in life which we just give in to. It's only human. Argh.. I won't preach. I'm feeling lazy.
So, this draws an end to this post. =) More quando quando.
9.12pm
Counsel comes ever unlooked for. Alas! it is counsel that pride cannot tolerate. For women have pride as much as Men and ever as men deny it because their hearts cannot return the fairness in it . Comfort I have found but in manners that I not thought of initially. But at least I am comforted. Although my heart is still laden and grave, it feels now considerably lighter from the beginning, but more braced or softer, I cannot decide yet. It has been carelessly hewn. Some hurts go so deep that they cannot be unmade, but only diminished. Alas! counsel speaks as counsel fools and solutions remain far at bay. Riddles aside, more seeds of hope I surely need to plant. Who knows what more changes tomorrow's morning may bring? The wise know that little can be expected until the hours bring it forth. Wisdom it may be but a fool's hope some call. Yet stillness may be the deep breath before the plunge or the passing phase of winter into spring.
Subtlity and lore I have much but perhaps not a lot of wisdom. One see I'm constantly in unrest and ever as I overspill with unhappiness, I can't retain anything else that brings comfort. I have yet to find a way to strike a balance bewteen my desires and my principals. As the days drone on and I walk on alone in the path seemingly correct, for there is yet no indication of otherwise, I would stumble upon things that would lighten my load. But a lot more stumbles I would require if I rely solely upon them to cure me of my ailment. Still, no longer would I scorn the gifts of a gentle heart. But, I have naught yet a heart to embrace them. A time may come when I can speak plainer but even as so, I seek not pity, as fair a gift a gentle heart has to offer. When I cannot receive what I desire, I desire nothing. Yet, sorrow and pride ail and frost even young hearts. Tears do not become less grievous if they are unheard.
Subtlity and lore I have much but perhaps not a lot of wisdom. One see I'm constantly in unrest and ever as I overspill with unhappiness, I can't retain anything else that brings comfort. I have yet to find a way to strike a balance bewteen my desires and my principals. As the days drone on and I walk on alone in the path seemingly correct, for there is yet no indication of otherwise, I would stumble upon things that would lighten my load. But a lot more stumbles I would require if I rely solely upon them to cure me of my ailment. Still, no longer would I scorn the gifts of a gentle heart. But, I have naught yet a heart to embrace them. A time may come when I can speak plainer but even as so, I seek not pity, as fair a gift a gentle heart has to offer. When I cannot receive what I desire, I desire nothing. Yet, sorrow and pride ail and frost even young hearts. Tears do not become less grievous if they are unheard.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Saturday, October 08, 2005
8.30pm
Well...because I was feeling a wee bit down... I went to look for jokes. I read alot, haha, and found
this one which I decided to post.
A student comes into a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes the door and kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair and gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean," she whispers, "... I would do ANYTHING!"
He returns her gaze,"Anything??"
"Yes, anything!" She says.
His voice turns into a whisper," Would you...study?"
this one which I decided to post.
A student comes into a young professor's office. She glances down the hall, closes the door and kneels pleadingly.
"I would do anything to pass this exam."
She leans closer to him, flips back her hair and gazes meaningfully into his eyes.
"I mean," she whispers, "... I would do ANYTHING!"
He returns her gaze,"Anything??"
"Yes, anything!" She says.
His voice turns into a whisper," Would you...study?"
8.00pm
I feel extremely bored.. so I'm blogging again. My left shoulder feels very stiff and painful. I dunno why, but I always tend to strain my left arm. I'm right-handed, although I can use chopsticks with my left hand =P
I'm suddenly reminded of many things. They are swarming in my mind. You see a stubborn person like me, trying to remember what I had already chose to forget. So, I wont post anything more here. To supress my thoughts alittle. Plus, I dont want to write an essay. And my left arm really hurts. Now this blog really starts to feel like my diary. I'm writing even minute stuff like this. =O Bits and pieces of my mind.
I'm suddenly reminded of many things. They are swarming in my mind. You see a stubborn person like me, trying to remember what I had already chose to forget. So, I wont post anything more here. To supress my thoughts alittle. Plus, I dont want to write an essay. And my left arm really hurts. Now this blog really starts to feel like my diary. I'm writing even minute stuff like this. =O Bits and pieces of my mind.
D.I.Y. Ninjas
This is what happens when you got a 9 year old sister with access to internet: D.I.Y. Ninjas. Opps...we forgot our hand signs. And the picture is abit blur... know why? We were flying and zooming pass when the shot was taken. So...
1.00pm
This is the best time to laze.
It has been raining heavily for the past few days. I put the sasuages to grill. I realised, from the last time, that 10mins would make them overcooked and the plate would be difficult to scrub. But 9 mins means that the sasuages would look a bit raw. So... I closed my eyes and turn the knob. 12mins.
I never read past The Two Towers of LOTR. Everytime I open the book, I only read the fellowship and the two towers. Somehow, after 2 years, I never got to know how the king returned. I didnt even watch the movie. It seemed rather boring. =p There are no good movies lately. Most of them are horrors. So... I'm gonna watch Corpse Bride. Most suitable for a frail hearted person like me.
I have been wanting to write. But, I just cant summon enough energy in me to think, or even switch on the computer. Well, but you see me blogging. Some 'nothing special' stuff.
There is a buzz recently, in the local arts scene. Lotsa exhibitions. Normally I would have wanted to go... but reading the newspapers about them is interesting too. And nobody I know would wanna go to an arts exhibition with me. And, I dont like shopping. And, I dont really fancy pool, although I like ice mocha. I really love going to the movies. Xiaoming and xl said they would go for a movie marathon with me... but, there is no word yet. =(
So, what I do daily now, is to think about how indoor plants would impress my examiners, cook sasuages, jog in the morning, go swimming on weekends, then drink coke and mocha. But the school sells really horrid mocha. But I still drink them. Cos there's only one place in school which sells mocha. Boo! And there's no coke in school. Not even diet coke. Hmm... so what I drink in school each day, is less-than-perfect mocha and lemon tea. I would have liked lemon red-tea. But there's only lemon black-tea. But... I'm not that fussy in real life. I just like to comment =p I'll drink whatever my money can get me.
Some people may ask why I like coke. I would think if you interview 20 people in my school, you wouldnt find anyone who likes coca-cola. First, I must name my favourite drinks: coca-cola, coffee and tea. See the similarity? After drinking them for a decade, you get addicted. Another reason why I like coca-cola is because I feel lazy while drinking them =P So lazy I can forget all my problems in life. A regular coke from Mac can last me for about 2 hours. Because coke is so gassy, I wouldnt try drinking them in big gulps. So.. I only sip them slowly...enjoy the coldness, enjoy the sound of ice...and laze my day away.
Sounds lazy?
Certainly. I enjoy a laid back life. More and more. More than I have ever so. My room hadnt been cleaned for long. But I spent 2 hours yesterday clearing out my closet. I dumped a whole lot of clothes which were there since 8 years ago. But I dont think I will ever clear the other parts of the room. The whole floor is strewn with notes, dust, magazines, books, files, papers and more papers. I'm so tired of trying to sort them out. Yawn~
There are some things I dread doing now. Even if I really like them last time. I'll need a very long time to rest. I was watching a tv program yesterday and there was a line which struck me for a few minutes. It says: 放下了就别想它了。Which means: Dont think about it anymore after you had let it go.
So... I'll be a deity now? haha. I'm so lazy I wont think.
Right, I spent 20mins on blogging. It had stopped rainning. =( Wish there is wind. I love it when the wind howls and all the trees outside my house rustle. It feels so comfortable.
It has been raining heavily for the past few days. I put the sasuages to grill. I realised, from the last time, that 10mins would make them overcooked and the plate would be difficult to scrub. But 9 mins means that the sasuages would look a bit raw. So... I closed my eyes and turn the knob. 12mins.
I never read past The Two Towers of LOTR. Everytime I open the book, I only read the fellowship and the two towers. Somehow, after 2 years, I never got to know how the king returned. I didnt even watch the movie. It seemed rather boring. =p There are no good movies lately. Most of them are horrors. So... I'm gonna watch Corpse Bride. Most suitable for a frail hearted person like me.
I have been wanting to write. But, I just cant summon enough energy in me to think, or even switch on the computer. Well, but you see me blogging. Some 'nothing special' stuff.
There is a buzz recently, in the local arts scene. Lotsa exhibitions. Normally I would have wanted to go... but reading the newspapers about them is interesting too. And nobody I know would wanna go to an arts exhibition with me. And, I dont like shopping. And, I dont really fancy pool, although I like ice mocha. I really love going to the movies. Xiaoming and xl said they would go for a movie marathon with me... but, there is no word yet. =(
So, what I do daily now, is to think about how indoor plants would impress my examiners, cook sasuages, jog in the morning, go swimming on weekends, then drink coke and mocha. But the school sells really horrid mocha. But I still drink them. Cos there's only one place in school which sells mocha. Boo! And there's no coke in school. Not even diet coke. Hmm... so what I drink in school each day, is less-than-perfect mocha and lemon tea. I would have liked lemon red-tea. But there's only lemon black-tea. But... I'm not that fussy in real life. I just like to comment =p I'll drink whatever my money can get me.
Some people may ask why I like coke. I would think if you interview 20 people in my school, you wouldnt find anyone who likes coca-cola. First, I must name my favourite drinks: coca-cola, coffee and tea. See the similarity? After drinking them for a decade, you get addicted. Another reason why I like coca-cola is because I feel lazy while drinking them =P So lazy I can forget all my problems in life. A regular coke from Mac can last me for about 2 hours. Because coke is so gassy, I wouldnt try drinking them in big gulps. So.. I only sip them slowly...enjoy the coldness, enjoy the sound of ice...and laze my day away.
Sounds lazy?
Certainly. I enjoy a laid back life. More and more. More than I have ever so. My room hadnt been cleaned for long. But I spent 2 hours yesterday clearing out my closet. I dumped a whole lot of clothes which were there since 8 years ago. But I dont think I will ever clear the other parts of the room. The whole floor is strewn with notes, dust, magazines, books, files, papers and more papers. I'm so tired of trying to sort them out. Yawn~
There are some things I dread doing now. Even if I really like them last time. I'll need a very long time to rest. I was watching a tv program yesterday and there was a line which struck me for a few minutes. It says: 放下了就别想它了。Which means: Dont think about it anymore after you had let it go.
So... I'll be a deity now? haha. I'm so lazy I wont think.
Right, I spent 20mins on blogging. It had stopped rainning. =( Wish there is wind. I love it when the wind howls and all the trees outside my house rustle. It feels so comfortable.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Extremely unfocused during exam period.
Today, as I was doing my daily routine of thinking aloud in my bedroom, I suddenly formulated a full arguement which I intend to make known to our board of principals. Actually, I'm so damn scared of being rebutted by Mrs. Tay. She's one hell of a person, and I dont really dare to look into her eyes when I talk to her... she has this ability to make me feel like a deflated balloon...but I reckon I shant be deterred. In any case, I'm writing a letter so.. haha, no worries bout see through eyes.
I'm gonna try to put across my best arguement, lolz. Cos this mrs.tay really has a thousand reasons to rebutt any person's point. Actually I just hope that the school will be less protective of its policies and hear what the students has to say. An annual 40-min student forum is just highly unuseful. =_= I think we need to be offered a consistent platform to not only air our views but only to horne our thinking and arguing skills. They keep telling us that we arent thinking enough and keep pressing the fact that our moral values are wrong... that's making me angry. Anyway... I think it's just absolutely fun, to make loads of points and get rebutted by other people and suddenly realise how shallow we are in our thinking. hehe. Individually, it's just too hard for us to turn ourselves and see things from a different perspective.
But even if the school adopts my idea, I doubt the response will be very enthusiastic.. but I'll try to persuade my friends around me.. since after the exams they should be quite free..but there's still this project =_= grrr..the presentation is gonna keep everybody off their feet...but I'll just try to send in a letter to the principals first. =p
Er.. I have to say this: The student councillors are incompetent! If they want someone to do the announcements, they recruit people with nicer voice. I'm just feeling lamed because I see the president of the S.C. making the announcements there daily and can fully understand why nobody in the right mind will tell you that AJC is a vibrant school.
So, classsssssssss.........supppppooorttttt meeeee!
I'm gonna try to put across my best arguement, lolz. Cos this mrs.tay really has a thousand reasons to rebutt any person's point. Actually I just hope that the school will be less protective of its policies and hear what the students has to say. An annual 40-min student forum is just highly unuseful. =_= I think we need to be offered a consistent platform to not only air our views but only to horne our thinking and arguing skills. They keep telling us that we arent thinking enough and keep pressing the fact that our moral values are wrong... that's making me angry. Anyway... I think it's just absolutely fun, to make loads of points and get rebutted by other people and suddenly realise how shallow we are in our thinking. hehe. Individually, it's just too hard for us to turn ourselves and see things from a different perspective.
But even if the school adopts my idea, I doubt the response will be very enthusiastic.. but I'll try to persuade my friends around me.. since after the exams they should be quite free..but there's still this project =_= grrr..the presentation is gonna keep everybody off their feet...but I'll just try to send in a letter to the principals first. =p
Er.. I have to say this: The student councillors are incompetent! If they want someone to do the announcements, they recruit people with nicer voice. I'm just feeling lamed because I see the president of the S.C. making the announcements there daily and can fully understand why nobody in the right mind will tell you that AJC is a vibrant school.
So, classsssssssss.........supppppooorttttt meeeee!
Indignant!! But =D
I'm bored...so I took all the tests until I felt happy again =p Your Power Color Is Teal |
 At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?" |
| Your IQ Is 115 |
 Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Average |
A Quick and Dirty IQ Test
| Your World View |
You are a happy, well-balanced person who likes people and is liked by others. You question whether many conventional views on morality are valid under all circumstances. You are essentially a content person. Sometimes, you consider yourself a little superior. You are moral by your own standards. You believe that morality is what best suits the occasion. |
| Your Ideal Relationship is Friends Only |
 Honestly, you're not really ready for a relationship right now. And you prefer to keep things platonic, for now. That's not to say that one of your friends could be dating material. You're just taking a break for now. |
| Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover |
 You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you! Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter. You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you. You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover. Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives. Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours. No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover. |
| You Are 22 Years Old |
 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
| How You Are In Love |
 You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You give completely and unconditionally in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You are fickle and tend to fall out of love easily. You bounce from romance to romance. |
| You Are 50% Boyish and 50% Girlish |
You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be. |
| The Keys to Your Heart |
 You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
| Slow and Steady |
 Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it. |
What Your Sleeping Position Says |
You are calm and rational. You are also giving and kind - a great friend. You are easy going and trusting. However, you are too sensible to fall for mind games. |
| Your Hidden Talent |
 You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words. You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel. People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation. When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers. |
| Your Inner Child Is Happy |
 You see life as simple, and simple is a very good thing. You're cheerful and upbeat, taking everything as it comes. And you decide not to worry, even when things look bad. You figure there's just so many great things to look forward to. |
| You Are Chinese Food |
 Exotic yet ordinary. People think they've had enough of you, but they're back for more in an hour. |
| You Are Balanced - Realist - Empowered |
You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally. You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go. Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control. Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow. You are a realist when it comes to luck. You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random. You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you... But you do your best to try to make your own luck. You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order. You realize that working the system does get you further. You know who to defer to and who to control. When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly. |
| How You Life Your Life |
 You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside. You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations. You're open to new people and friends, which makes you a pretty popular person. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable. |
| You Are 70% Weird |
 You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks! |
| You're an Expert Kisser |
 You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable |
| Your Personality Profile |
 You are pure, moral, and adaptable. You tend to blend into your surroundings. Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends. You believe that you live a virtuous life... And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye. As a result, people tend to crave your approval. |
Monday, October 03, 2005
6pm just woke up, just finished dinner.
At 5.30pm I was planning to write something but I typed a few sentences and realised I'm not in the mood to write anything. Today had been another normal day, just that the exams leaves everyone in a tensed mood and I wouldnt take a gamble to pluck the taut strings. So.. I'm just lazing around on my blog while everyone else is mugging away.
I'm not feeling upset. I'm just not thinking. I read a passage the other day. It tells us that what makes us give up is not failure, but tiredness. Hmm... I'm tired. To the extent of not thinking. If I could draw a picture, I would draw a person walking on a path, while arrows are being shot through him. Well, what I mean is, I'm letting things shoot through me and feeling nothing. Not that I'm feeling completely nothing, but I learnt that to give in to feelings is an unwise thing to do. But I'm not gearing up any negative feelings. I'm just, well, feeling nothing. Or rather, felt a thing for a fraction of a second and then...returned to normal. As should be the sensible thing to do. But..love is not about sensibility and I'm out of the topic.
But the fact remains that I updated my blog with something that's not cheerful. So... I'm really not a person of principles?
I had a few bad dreams last night and the worst one was a about a ghost dragging me off my bed. Now that I think of it, it appears a little funny. But I assure you that I was darn scared when I had dreamt it. And it was the first time (at least in my memory) that I woke up with a terrible urge to call someone and tell him that I just had a bad dream. But... well, obviously I didnt and now I feel a wee bit embarrassed for feeling so.
On a lighter note, I'll now make a list of my secret ambitions. And another list of what I really wanna be. The difference between the 2 lists is that the 1st list contains fantansy while the 2nd list can be achievable if I tried hard enough.
The list(s) is in no order of merit. ^^
List 1:
#1: FBI, a really cool one, complete with guns and bombs and murders and cars and all.
#2: A powerful witch. With a smirk. In the medieval times.
#3: A kung-fu expert (preferably those kind with a sad past) living in solitude. (The movie, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon should give a vague idea.)
#4: A bomb defuser. (preferably with long sexy legs and porcelain complexion. You know Kristanna Loken? =p)
#5: An imperial concubine. (conditions apply. 1) the emperor must be young and dashing 2) the emperor must be devoted to me =x 3) there must be a lot of odds for us to overcome)
#6: An ancient egyptian princess. Alluring. (a note of interest: The Mummy is 1 of my fav movie)
#7: An elf. (I really love enid blyton but I dont read them anymore.)
#8: Or a fairy
#9: Or a greek goddess =p
#10: Or a chinese deity! 太上老君及及如玉令！I dont mind being a Taoist priest either. ^^ I read too much 聊 齋 誌 異. =p
#10: A hollywood star (this one may be quite common. Well, I'm just another girl)
#11: A lady, belonging to the Victorian Era. Waiting for my gentleman. =p (I'm suddenly reminded of Shakepeare. But... shakespeare is Elizabethan Era. But i picked Victorian Era bcos of something called romanticism.)
#12: A military personnel. In fact, any. I just love the military. (I'm too short to become an SAF pilot la. T_T T_T T_T I got the application form and realised I'm too short. =.=)
List 2:
#1: An archeologist.
#2: A historian. hehe.
#3: A paleontologist
#4: An astronomer. (I dont like the 10th planet, but it has a moon. Yewww... so beautiful. Moons are romantic :p)
#5: Wildlife expert =D
#6: Travel writer
#7: Chess exponent
#8: Mythologist
#9: A stage actress or soap opera singer.
#10: Criminologist!
#11: Disaster relief worker.
=> One must take note that I dont really fancy saving the world. =p Whatever I do, I ask for emotional rewards.
One can see from the lists, that my studies contribute nothing much towards achieving my, well, desires. But, I assure everyone that for every single thing I listed above, I spent a good part of my life researching, er..maybe not researching, but reading intensively on them. hehe. It's the only thing I can do, read about my interests. =( And now I must read about how glucose molecules form bonds with water molecules.
I'm not feeling upset. I'm just not thinking. I read a passage the other day. It tells us that what makes us give up is not failure, but tiredness. Hmm... I'm tired. To the extent of not thinking. If I could draw a picture, I would draw a person walking on a path, while arrows are being shot through him. Well, what I mean is, I'm letting things shoot through me and feeling nothing. Not that I'm feeling completely nothing, but I learnt that to give in to feelings is an unwise thing to do. But I'm not gearing up any negative feelings. I'm just, well, feeling nothing. Or rather, felt a thing for a fraction of a second and then...returned to normal. As should be the sensible thing to do. But..love is not about sensibility and I'm out of the topic.
But the fact remains that I updated my blog with something that's not cheerful. So... I'm really not a person of principles?
I had a few bad dreams last night and the worst one was a about a ghost dragging me off my bed. Now that I think of it, it appears a little funny. But I assure you that I was darn scared when I had dreamt it. And it was the first time (at least in my memory) that I woke up with a terrible urge to call someone and tell him that I just had a bad dream. But... well, obviously I didnt and now I feel a wee bit embarrassed for feeling so.
On a lighter note, I'll now make a list of my secret ambitions. And another list of what I really wanna be. The difference between the 2 lists is that the 1st list contains fantansy while the 2nd list can be achievable if I tried hard enough.
The list(s) is in no order of merit. ^^
List 1:
#1: FBI, a really cool one, complete with guns and bombs and murders and cars and all.
#2: A powerful witch. With a smirk. In the medieval times.
#3: A kung-fu expert (preferably those kind with a sad past) living in solitude. (The movie, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon should give a vague idea.)
#4: A bomb defuser. (preferably with long sexy legs and porcelain complexion. You know Kristanna Loken? =p)
#5: An imperial concubine. (conditions apply. 1) the emperor must be young and dashing 2) the emperor must be devoted to me =x 3) there must be a lot of odds for us to overcome)
#6: An ancient egyptian princess. Alluring. (a note of interest: The Mummy is 1 of my fav movie)
#7: An elf. (I really love enid blyton but I dont read them anymore.)
#8: Or a fairy
#9: Or a greek goddess =p
#10: Or a chinese deity! 太上老君及及如玉令！I dont mind being a Taoist priest either. ^^ I read too much 聊 齋 誌 異. =p
#10: A hollywood star (this one may be quite common. Well, I'm just another girl)
#11: A lady, belonging to the Victorian Era. Waiting for my gentleman. =p (I'm suddenly reminded of Shakepeare. But... shakespeare is Elizabethan Era. But i picked Victorian Era bcos of something called romanticism.)
#12: A military personnel. In fact, any. I just love the military. (I'm too short to become an SAF pilot la. T_T T_T T_T I got the application form and realised I'm too short. =.=)
List 2:
#1: An archeologist.
#2: A historian. hehe.
#3: A paleontologist
#4: An astronomer. (I dont like the 10th planet, but it has a moon. Yewww... so beautiful. Moons are romantic :p)
#5: Wildlife expert =D
#6: Travel writer
#7: Chess exponent
#8: Mythologist
#9: A stage actress or soap opera singer.
#10: Criminologist!
#11: Disaster relief worker.
=> One must take note that I dont really fancy saving the world. =p Whatever I do, I ask for emotional rewards.
One can see from the lists, that my studies contribute nothing much towards achieving my, well, desires. But, I assure everyone that for every single thing I listed above, I spent a good part of my life researching, er..maybe not researching, but reading intensively on them. hehe. It's the only thing I can do, read about my interests. =( And now I must read about how glucose molecules form bonds with water molecules.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
I'm trying too hard.
The snowflakes doesnt show on my blog. T_T
They show up on the preview page but not my blog! T_T
Spent hours on it. But it still wouldnt snow. =.=
=(
I must write something more meaningful. Haiz.. thrashing around here with no audience... or audience that pretends not to be here... is very meaningless. And to be alone, free to think, to imagine, is highly unhealthy. And tiring. Haiz... haiz.. haiz... T_T I dont want the sinister black devil. I want some smiles, plenty of jokes and plenty of chats. Haiz.... T_T During which part of the road did I lose myself? T_T I wanna reclaim it.
I republished every single post on my blog. Even those that I wrote and saved as drafts for a very long time. As I clicked on to republish them, I realise most of the posts, these few months, were of similar genre. Which leads me to realise how much I had grown and how much I had not. In my world, a problem had existed for a long time and I have blogged enough about it. I have been trying and trying to solve it through writing and writing. After blogging for so long, the problem remains stubbornly unsolved. So, I should stop blogging?
After reading about 100 posts on the same topic, it is not hard to predict the content of the next post I make. And this conclusion left me astounded. =o I mean, it makes me feel flustered. I'm always afraid. Anyway, I'm made very exhausted by the problem and have formulated thousands of views on it, a huge fraction which I didnt manage to blog here.
I kept doing and undoing the problem. Sometimes I wonder how the problem arisen. Or whether if it's only my own problem or wadever wadever. Actually the problem involves mainly 2 parties. Obviously one of them is me. We seemed to have talked about it twice and things appear to be resoloved? But, I keep doing and undoing it. And because I was the one who kept undoing it, I didnt want to infringe it upon others. A friend reckons that I should talk it out again. She says it's my right. But you see, I have too little confidence. And lately, I begin to realise that I too, have very little confidence in the friendship that I once held with someone. Perhaps it's the change in events that strained matters. Or maybe, I read too much into it. Or maybe, I have always been imagining how good things were? HA! That would sadden me greatly, if one day, I were to ever able to verify it. Maybe I cant remember what we used to chat about and perhaps I never wanna recall again, since, I am dawned upon the fact that the person I thought to be, is not what I thought to be. So... wads the verdict?
I cant seem to take it lightly and be reminded that it's a virtual thing altogether. Although, I know rather clearly that it's always the people to be blamed, not the system. But... to blame the person means a harder reality to accept. I must really stop writing this essay. If there's a friend who understood me enough, he can already guess whats on my mind. Otherwise, sooner or later, the disparity in thinking, would drive us apart anyway. I can already feel it, through the little interactions that we can manage. Maybe one party had changed. Or maybe both changed. Or none changed. You know, imagine two lines travelling. As long as they have diverging gradients, they will seperate, no matter how close together they started. As time goes by, the gap will be so widen that they may never meet again and maybe those two lines would have forgotten how close they had started as. Hmm... this is my state of mentality for now. Perhaps we both lost the enthusiasm we used to have for each other. If I can know this friend enough to predict whats on his mind. Everything is of indication. And my beliefs are based on what I see.
Two days later, I probably would have formulated more ideas on my mind but any reader of my blog probably wouldnt get to hear it, since I feel I have blogged too much on the same problem and must find other means of resolving it. It's a battle against myself, since no1 else seems to care and I can hardly blame them. If there's someone, then it's an added bonus, if there's no1.... then I must really reflect: how many true friends have I made? =o In any case, I go at my own speed... and normally I wouldnt talk about it to anyone else. So, even if someone asks me, "Are you ok?" One can expect me to say, "Dont worry, I'm ok." But... haiz.. I dont wish to elaborate any further because I'm going in circles. The reason why I keep blogging and blogging and blogging, is because I cant let it go. See? I already know the problem but I dont solve it. But because it's something that once touched me greatly, I cannot forget easily. Haiz.. but I'm quite sure that I appear to be the only one who thinks there's a problem. There is nothing else to prove otherwise. Haiz.. saddens me to feel so. Meaning the disparity had grown even wider. T_T And I had been fooled all along? I'm doubting what I had once felt. And from my verdict, I begin to hate. So.. now my reader now gets a better understanding to the birth of my black devil? If my doubts are correct, then... man... should I really hate. But... I... I'm getting dizzy and I dont want to initiate any more talks. I'm so tired I could cry. And I'm not busy at all, I have time for anything in the world. But... we're just no longer as enthusiastic as before. If the present state remains... well, the lines just continue to diverge. Since both lines are passive (maybe only I'm passive. Because I realise I do not know anyone well enough to speak for him), inevitably, we are heading different ways, as we have always been, as I have always not realised and when I realise, I make a scene of it because I cant accept it gracefully. Maybe these things just come and go. But I like to go against the crowd. And tortue myself. But I'm not as non-chalant. Still, one day, I'll be able to take it lightly. Not because I dont believe in myself anymore, but because time has diluted what I once treasured.
Until I think of something cheerful to write, I wont update my blog anymore. In case you are lost in my ocean of words, the reason, I have already stated above. If you are free and cared enough to know, just re-read lor. =) My mentality... should be rather clear. Although I like to speak in riddles and codes. But I musnt make things ugly. No. I think we are both beautists. (In my context, this word means someone who doesnt enjoy talking things out la. Just remain as it is and hoping it would disappear. Woot, that's really bleak.)
I must try to bear it in mind. Yea? Yea. =(
They show up on the preview page but not my blog! T_T
Spent hours on it. But it still wouldnt snow. =.=
=(
I must write something more meaningful. Haiz.. thrashing around here with no audience... or audience that pretends not to be here... is very meaningless. And to be alone, free to think, to imagine, is highly unhealthy. And tiring. Haiz... haiz.. haiz... T_T I dont want the sinister black devil. I want some smiles, plenty of jokes and plenty of chats. Haiz.... T_T During which part of the road did I lose myself? T_T I wanna reclaim it.
I republished every single post on my blog. Even those that I wrote and saved as drafts for a very long time. As I clicked on to republish them, I realise most of the posts, these few months, were of similar genre. Which leads me to realise how much I had grown and how much I had not. In my world, a problem had existed for a long time and I have blogged enough about it. I have been trying and trying to solve it through writing and writing. After blogging for so long, the problem remains stubbornly unsolved. So, I should stop blogging?
After reading about 100 posts on the same topic, it is not hard to predict the content of the next post I make. And this conclusion left me astounded. =o I mean, it makes me feel flustered. I'm always afraid. Anyway, I'm made very exhausted by the problem and have formulated thousands of views on it, a huge fraction which I didnt manage to blog here.
I kept doing and undoing the problem. Sometimes I wonder how the problem arisen. Or whether if it's only my own problem or wadever wadever. Actually the problem involves mainly 2 parties. Obviously one of them is me. We seemed to have talked about it twice and things appear to be resoloved? But, I keep doing and undoing it. And because I was the one who kept undoing it, I didnt want to infringe it upon others. A friend reckons that I should talk it out again. She says it's my right. But you see, I have too little confidence. And lately, I begin to realise that I too, have very little confidence in the friendship that I once held with someone. Perhaps it's the change in events that strained matters. Or maybe, I read too much into it. Or maybe, I have always been imagining how good things were? HA! That would sadden me greatly, if one day, I were to ever able to verify it. Maybe I cant remember what we used to chat about and perhaps I never wanna recall again, since, I am dawned upon the fact that the person I thought to be, is not what I thought to be. So... wads the verdict?
I cant seem to take it lightly and be reminded that it's a virtual thing altogether. Although, I know rather clearly that it's always the people to be blamed, not the system. But... to blame the person means a harder reality to accept. I must really stop writing this essay. If there's a friend who understood me enough, he can already guess whats on my mind. Otherwise, sooner or later, the disparity in thinking, would drive us apart anyway. I can already feel it, through the little interactions that we can manage. Maybe one party had changed. Or maybe both changed. Or none changed. You know, imagine two lines travelling. As long as they have diverging gradients, they will seperate, no matter how close together they started. As time goes by, the gap will be so widen that they may never meet again and maybe those two lines would have forgotten how close they had started as. Hmm... this is my state of mentality for now. Perhaps we both lost the enthusiasm we used to have for each other. If I can know this friend enough to predict whats on his mind. Everything is of indication. And my beliefs are based on what I see.
Two days later, I probably would have formulated more ideas on my mind but any reader of my blog probably wouldnt get to hear it, since I feel I have blogged too much on the same problem and must find other means of resolving it. It's a battle against myself, since no1 else seems to care and I can hardly blame them. If there's someone, then it's an added bonus, if there's no1.... then I must really reflect: how many true friends have I made? =o In any case, I go at my own speed... and normally I wouldnt talk about it to anyone else. So, even if someone asks me, "Are you ok?" One can expect me to say, "Dont worry, I'm ok." But... haiz.. I dont wish to elaborate any further because I'm going in circles. The reason why I keep blogging and blogging and blogging, is because I cant let it go. See? I already know the problem but I dont solve it. But because it's something that once touched me greatly, I cannot forget easily. Haiz.. but I'm quite sure that I appear to be the only one who thinks there's a problem. There is nothing else to prove otherwise. Haiz.. saddens me to feel so. Meaning the disparity had grown even wider. T_T And I had been fooled all along? I'm doubting what I had once felt. And from my verdict, I begin to hate. So.. now my reader now gets a better understanding to the birth of my black devil? If my doubts are correct, then... man... should I really hate. But... I... I'm getting dizzy and I dont want to initiate any more talks. I'm so tired I could cry. And I'm not busy at all, I have time for anything in the world. But... we're just no longer as enthusiastic as before. If the present state remains... well, the lines just continue to diverge. Since both lines are passive (maybe only I'm passive. Because I realise I do not know anyone well enough to speak for him), inevitably, we are heading different ways, as we have always been, as I have always not realised and when I realise, I make a scene of it because I cant accept it gracefully. Maybe these things just come and go. But I like to go against the crowd. And tortue myself. But I'm not as non-chalant. Still, one day, I'll be able to take it lightly. Not because I dont believe in myself anymore, but because time has diluted what I once treasured.
Until I think of something cheerful to write, I wont update my blog anymore. In case you are lost in my ocean of words, the reason, I have already stated above. If you are free and cared enough to know, just re-read lor. =) My mentality... should be rather clear. Although I like to speak in riddles and codes. But I musnt make things ugly. No. I think we are both beautists. (In my context, this word means someone who doesnt enjoy talking things out la. Just remain as it is and hoping it would disappear. Woot, that's really bleak.)
I must try to bear it in mind. Yea? Yea. =(
What that devours, day and night.
=_____________=
I'm drunk! And I'm annoyed! And =.= Where art thou, my love?
T_T
Where's my little sinister black devil? Come, creep out with your spears, creep all over me and help your master. Search all nooks and cranny, kill the weak soft fair damsels. They are making your master drunk again. And boy are they stubborn. So stubborn. Extremely stubborn. Sweet devil, if you cant help your master kill them, I'll tear you apart and grind your bones, drink your blood and you'll suffer a fate worse than the damsels. zzz.
I have a headache and should sleep.
Kill the damsels and when I wake up, I wanna see nobody. Including you slaves. =.= Filthy loathesome slaves............................................................
Sweet damsels, I cannot let you all live. Hide yourselves. Hide well. Ride out the storm and when your master meets the next gallant knight, she will call for you again. She's in a frenzy, in a lost, in deep mourning, in great distress. Dont be wiped out by her though. Huddle together and wait for the skies to clear. Hush and dont let her hear your sweet rustles. She's in a storming mood. But I've seen her lock up and cry. The witch. But her heart had been broken and lost. I'm the little sinister black devil. GAAA!!!
I'm drunk! And I'm annoyed! And =.= Where art thou, my love?
T_T
Where's my little sinister black devil? Come, creep out with your spears, creep all over me and help your master. Search all nooks and cranny, kill the weak soft fair damsels. They are making your master drunk again. And boy are they stubborn. So stubborn. Extremely stubborn. Sweet devil, if you cant help your master kill them, I'll tear you apart and grind your bones, drink your blood and you'll suffer a fate worse than the damsels. zzz.
I have a headache and should sleep.
Kill the damsels and when I wake up, I wanna see nobody. Including you slaves. =.= Filthy loathesome slaves............................................................
Sweet damsels, I cannot let you all live. Hide yourselves. Hide well. Ride out the storm and when your master meets the next gallant knight, she will call for you again. She's in a frenzy, in a lost, in deep mourning, in great distress. Dont be wiped out by her though. Huddle together and wait for the skies to clear. Hush and dont let her hear your sweet rustles. She's in a storming mood. But I've seen her lock up and cry. The witch. But her heart had been broken and lost. I'm the little sinister black devil. GAAA!!!
Lone Mountain Ranger
2mins ago, I was very eager to update my blog. I have so many ideas in my mind that when I have to start typing here, I find the eagerness diminishing. Hmm... like any other thing in life, there is a need for foreplay. To warm up, yea? =) So, I'll start relating my day in the most boring way.
Once again, I managed to sleep for 12hours straight and was awaken this morning by my mother who asked me if I wanted to visit my brother who was admitted to hospital last night. Very normally, I would respond in a grouchy and irritated manner, as if flicking off a stubborn tick, and answer, no. But ya know? The OP workshop thought me an extremely meaningful thing. That is the powers of powerpause. So I went through an internal struggle for 2 sec, to stop me from shooting out a annoyed, no, and I answered with a brilliant, yes. And.. some mum threw a shirt in my face. =) I stared at the clock and did a quick mental calculation of how long I slept, then decided to get out of bed immediately. I almost wanted to jump out of it, to jumpstart my day, yea? But I'm too lazy. Before I left the house, I left my MP3 player to charge because I forgot to do so last night.
I went through a hell lot of thinking last night, again. And after battling with my mind, coupled with a few acts of depression and crying, my life is now smooth again. My mind is like a Wrangler. And it hadnt stopped moving, cause my mind wouldnt stop thinking. Sometimes the rides are so smooth I could be yelling at the top of my lungs. Sometimes the roads are so bumpy I could crash the jeep into rocky walls. At times, like now... the ride can be so smooth that I can smirk and speed at the same time. Yea. I'm sorry I couldnt find a good depiction of the Wrangler that I have on my mind. It's a pity that I'm a rouge artist, otherwise I'll just draw what I have on my mind. Normally I think in images. Yesterday I drove my jeep at top speed and crashed around the desert, doing as much damage to it as possible... but, I fell asleep halfway through. When I woke up... I'm already driving smoothly.
My father had a very unpleasant encounter at the hospital yesterday. I had an extreme urge to write to the forums...but he wasnt very enthusiastic. So, I sorta gave up the idea. I was also reminded that I had intended to write to the forums about the blogging controversy which had gone on for about a week. Yea. It's highly interesting and I intend to be part of the crossfire. I wouldnt mind running foolishly to the frontline and get shot in the head before I shoot anyone else. At least it is good experience. My sentiments lies COMPLETELY with the JC students. Yea yea. I'm completely with blogging and unleashing the god-dammit things on blogs. I'm not going to even care if the 5 students wrote things that were immature and irrational. At least I'm gonna pretend that I dont care. Then secretly I'll go do some homework, read what they wrote, dig out all the news paper reports on this topic and then go find out how the students were dealt with, find out what the others think, then read up on the Teachers' Union thingy, then read up on the law about free speech and slander.. then write my own essay, be very happy and decide on whether to send it to the press ornot. Haha. I wonder if I'm gonna get suspended because I wrote all these. I wouldnt like being assasinated before I put on my battle gear and fight, ya know? :'( <--- this face is sarcastic. =)
My mother got a very sticky problem to deal with and today, I'm finally able to enter the battle between her and her siblings. Hoho. Not face to face of course, since I'm just a little fry. I doubt they would give a thought to the quiet little innocent and rather plump kiddo a second look as they show their ugliest side while fighting teeth to teeth. I would rather not be drawn to the main fighting. You know... the outsiders can see clearer thingy? In this battle, everyone is an enemy. Let me quickly introduce the parties involved and describe what had happened at the warfront. So, there's this Big Aunt of mine, who is abit like ahem, the soviet union. She's a very clever person. And she's a smiling aligator. Woohoo. That makes her very interesting. But she makes me feel like spitting on her because I hold her in high esteem and she has to do things that make me feel that my world is not innocent anymore. =( At the moment she's the common enemy of all the other siblings, there are 7 althogether, but I gotta be wary of the other unseemingly unimportant parties too. You see, they thought my grandma would die, then they bared their teeth, showed their tails and AHA!!! You shown your true colors la. Cannot hide liao. You show it for 1 sec only, I remember forever la. Make me sad. I thought you were very nice. See, how naive I am. They had to do such ridiculous things and they had been so real, in acting! Shake hands please. I'll nominate you for Oscars. haha.
Back to the topic. There's a very sticky problem at hand.. and I'll just have to deal with one at a time. Besides the BIG AUNT, I have to fight a battle against my mum. Well, I could have told her, yea yea, just thrash it out and what we say in chinese, tear the faces apart. But... my mum genuienely treasures the sisterly bond, although her sister does things like putting rat poison in her food (I'm kidding). But I just keep thinking of a cartoon I had seen. It's about Stalin shaking hands with Hitler. Haha. Gotta have abit of historical background to understand this. I'm not saying my mum is Hitler. My mum is League of Nations. The relationship is very complicated and I dont intend to describe in full details here. So infuriating. My concentration is breaking. Cos the hatred thing is starting to wake up in me. It's dancing, it seems rather happy. I gotta find some way to slap it and put it to sleep. And my hatred had nothing to do with Hitler or Stalin. It was acquired some time ago and I intend for it to be a slave. Occassionally I'll let it out to bite people, but it's my slave, yea? It's under me. Dun worry about it riding on me, the time had not come yet. But a smart person knows how to use a dangerous tool. There's a risk to everything, of course, but.. zz. I shant say anymore, it confuses me. I'm already confused enough. zzzz. I'm getting annoyed. Need to slap the black loathesome devil. It's distracting me. T_T zzzz. Gotta end here.
Once again, I managed to sleep for 12hours straight and was awaken this morning by my mother who asked me if I wanted to visit my brother who was admitted to hospital last night. Very normally, I would respond in a grouchy and irritated manner, as if flicking off a stubborn tick, and answer, no. But ya know? The OP workshop thought me an extremely meaningful thing. That is the powers of powerpause. So I went through an internal struggle for 2 sec, to stop me from shooting out a annoyed, no, and I answered with a brilliant, yes. And.. some mum threw a shirt in my face. =) I stared at the clock and did a quick mental calculation of how long I slept, then decided to get out of bed immediately. I almost wanted to jump out of it, to jumpstart my day, yea? But I'm too lazy. Before I left the house, I left my MP3 player to charge because I forgot to do so last night.
I went through a hell lot of thinking last night, again. And after battling with my mind, coupled with a few acts of depression and crying, my life is now smooth again. My mind is like a Wrangler. And it hadnt stopped moving, cause my mind wouldnt stop thinking. Sometimes the rides are so smooth I could be yelling at the top of my lungs. Sometimes the roads are so bumpy I could crash the jeep into rocky walls. At times, like now... the ride can be so smooth that I can smirk and speed at the same time. Yea. I'm sorry I couldnt find a good depiction of the Wrangler that I have on my mind. It's a pity that I'm a rouge artist, otherwise I'll just draw what I have on my mind. Normally I think in images. Yesterday I drove my jeep at top speed and crashed around the desert, doing as much damage to it as possible... but, I fell asleep halfway through. When I woke up... I'm already driving smoothly.
My father had a very unpleasant encounter at the hospital yesterday. I had an extreme urge to write to the forums...but he wasnt very enthusiastic. So, I sorta gave up the idea. I was also reminded that I had intended to write to the forums about the blogging controversy which had gone on for about a week. Yea. It's highly interesting and I intend to be part of the crossfire. I wouldnt mind running foolishly to the frontline and get shot in the head before I shoot anyone else. At least it is good experience. My sentiments lies COMPLETELY with the JC students. Yea yea. I'm completely with blogging and unleashing the god-dammit things on blogs. I'm not going to even care if the 5 students wrote things that were immature and irrational. At least I'm gonna pretend that I dont care. Then secretly I'll go do some homework, read what they wrote, dig out all the news paper reports on this topic and then go find out how the students were dealt with, find out what the others think, then read up on the Teachers' Union thingy, then read up on the law about free speech and slander.. then write my own essay, be very happy and decide on whether to send it to the press ornot. Haha. I wonder if I'm gonna get suspended because I wrote all these. I wouldnt like being assasinated before I put on my battle gear and fight, ya know? :'( <--- this face is sarcastic. =)
My mother got a very sticky problem to deal with and today, I'm finally able to enter the battle between her and her siblings. Hoho. Not face to face of course, since I'm just a little fry. I doubt they would give a thought to the quiet little innocent and rather plump kiddo a second look as they show their ugliest side while fighting teeth to teeth. I would rather not be drawn to the main fighting. You know... the outsiders can see clearer thingy? In this battle, everyone is an enemy. Let me quickly introduce the parties involved and describe what had happened at the warfront. So, there's this Big Aunt of mine, who is abit like ahem, the soviet union. She's a very clever person. And she's a smiling aligator. Woohoo. That makes her very interesting. But she makes me feel like spitting on her because I hold her in high esteem and she has to do things that make me feel that my world is not innocent anymore. =( At the moment she's the common enemy of all the other siblings, there are 7 althogether, but I gotta be wary of the other unseemingly unimportant parties too. You see, they thought my grandma would die, then they bared their teeth, showed their tails and AHA!!! You shown your true colors la. Cannot hide liao. You show it for 1 sec only, I remember forever la. Make me sad. I thought you were very nice. See, how naive I am. They had to do such ridiculous things and they had been so real, in acting! Shake hands please. I'll nominate you for Oscars. haha.
Back to the topic. There's a very sticky problem at hand.. and I'll just have to deal with one at a time. Besides the BIG AUNT, I have to fight a battle against my mum. Well, I could have told her, yea yea, just thrash it out and what we say in chinese, tear the faces apart. But... my mum genuienely treasures the sisterly bond, although her sister does things like putting rat poison in her food (I'm kidding). But I just keep thinking of a cartoon I had seen. It's about Stalin shaking hands with Hitler. Haha. Gotta have abit of historical background to understand this. I'm not saying my mum is Hitler. My mum is League of Nations. The relationship is very complicated and I dont intend to describe in full details here. So infuriating. My concentration is breaking. Cos the hatred thing is starting to wake up in me. It's dancing, it seems rather happy. I gotta find some way to slap it and put it to sleep. And my hatred had nothing to do with Hitler or Stalin. It was acquired some time ago and I intend for it to be a slave. Occassionally I'll let it out to bite people, but it's my slave, yea? It's under me. Dun worry about it riding on me, the time had not come yet. But a smart person knows how to use a dangerous tool. There's a risk to everything, of course, but.. zz. I shant say anymore, it confuses me. I'm already confused enough. zzzz. I'm getting annoyed. Need to slap the black loathesome devil. It's distracting me. T_T zzzz. Gotta end here.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
11.57p.m.
Someone complained that my blog is too cheerless, messy, braincell-killing, confusing, head-spinning and heavy to read.
Muahaha.
I have more than 1 blog.
Just that... I only update this blog, since June.
And... someday there would be nicer posts to read.
And... someday I'll change my blogskin.
This blogskin is very boring. Stupid XL hadnt designed one for me yet. But she's too busy ushering government officials during special events. (That's her payless job.)
And... there's nothing exciting at the moment to blog about.
And... you forgot the url of my blog is shakeyourbumbum.blogspot.com
You are supposed to shake your bum bum. Not me.
Plus, I dont wanna have a blog which opens and read.."Today there was this bitch I met on the bus! ZZZ...duno whats wrong with her lor.. she was etc etc etc."
But, I'm having a blog which reads.."I dunno whats so wrong with my world now. I feel like I'm shut in a box. There. We see the end of the world. There is only complete darkness... etc etc"
Which, I duno if I like it ornot.
/yawn.
Lastly, I dont always carry an attitude everywhere I go. I just happen to dump all my problems and attitude here... and you happen to read it from time to time. But.. it's just a fraction of me. Haiz... lets just listen to some boring songs (which I like and Domon candidly tells me that all the songs I listen to make people sleep.) and dance the time away. If you could hear the song I'm listening to now... and feel like I'm feeling now... you would close your eyes and dance too.
Suppose I say "close your eyes and dance" which I really did say... I bet every different person who reads my blog would each have a different visualisation of it. And... I mentioned a song right? Haha... you'll never get to hear my song. Just sing a different one in your mind which you think best fits what I say lor.
/snap
[mood] Smoothened a ripple. Back to calm waters.
Muahaha.
I have more than 1 blog.
Just that... I only update this blog, since June.
And... someday there would be nicer posts to read.
And... someday I'll change my blogskin.
This blogskin is very boring. Stupid XL hadnt designed one for me yet. But she's too busy ushering government officials during special events. (That's her payless job.)
And... there's nothing exciting at the moment to blog about.
And... you forgot the url of my blog is shakeyourbumbum.blogspot.com
You are supposed to shake your bum bum. Not me.
Plus, I dont wanna have a blog which opens and read.."Today there was this bitch I met on the bus! ZZZ...duno whats wrong with her lor.. she was etc etc etc."
But, I'm having a blog which reads.."I dunno whats so wrong with my world now. I feel like I'm shut in a box. There. We see the end of the world. There is only complete darkness... etc etc"
Which, I duno if I like it ornot.
/yawn.
Lastly, I dont always carry an attitude everywhere I go. I just happen to dump all my problems and attitude here... and you happen to read it from time to time. But.. it's just a fraction of me. Haiz... lets just listen to some boring songs (which I like and Domon candidly tells me that all the songs I listen to make people sleep.) and dance the time away. If you could hear the song I'm listening to now... and feel like I'm feeling now... you would close your eyes and dance too.
Suppose I say "close your eyes and dance" which I really did say... I bet every different person who reads my blog would each have a different visualisation of it. And... I mentioned a song right? Haha... you'll never get to hear my song. Just sing a different one in your mind which you think best fits what I say lor.
/snap
[mood] Smoothened a ripple. Back to calm waters.
10.32p.m.
[mood] Remotely here.
My eyes are bad. =_=
I'm working on my EoM.
Organic Chemistry is becoming rather boring.
McDonalds is not the perfect place to study, but it's better than the food court.
I havent worked as hard as yesterday.
I'm tired and maybe I should sleep.
Music is a language.
After next week, I'll dedicate my time to writing and swimming.
One month after the last time I visited Xl's blog, she has 4 new inspiring entries for me to read. =)
Up till now... [mood] Relaxed.
The song I'm listening to is nice. I mean the tune is. Since I dont even know if it's sung in English, Mandarin, French, Japanese or Korean.
Which means I shouldnt be able to sleep tomorrow.
Finally..
[mood] Remotely connected.
My eyes are bad. =_=
I'm working on my EoM.
Organic Chemistry is becoming rather boring.
McDonalds is not the perfect place to study, but it's better than the food court.
I havent worked as hard as yesterday.
I'm tired and maybe I should sleep.
Music is a language.
After next week, I'll dedicate my time to writing and swimming.
One month after the last time I visited Xl's blog, she has 4 new inspiring entries for me to read. =)
Up till now... [mood] Relaxed.
The song I'm listening to is nice. I mean the tune is. Since I dont even know if it's sung in English, Mandarin, French, Japanese or Korean.
Which means I shouldnt be able to sleep tomorrow.
Finally..
[mood] Remotely connected.
12.20a.m.
[music] So Happy Together
[mood] Nothing.
Everyday is a day of new discovery. I'm finding more and more each day. Sometimes the findings are ill-boding. Sometimes they are spiritually rewarding. But there seem not much surprises left. The revelations were gloomy. Eventually, I'll reach the end of the treasure trove and find that there had been no treasure trove at all.
There's a biological clock in me which tells me to sleep at either 6am or 9pm. I passed both sleeping time. I'll have to read a book and forget about my headache. I think I will. =)
[mood] Nothing.
Everyday is a day of new discovery. I'm finding more and more each day. Sometimes the findings are ill-boding. Sometimes they are spiritually rewarding. But there seem not much surprises left. The revelations were gloomy. Eventually, I'll reach the end of the treasure trove and find that there had been no treasure trove at all.
There's a biological clock in me which tells me to sleep at either 6am or 9pm. I passed both sleeping time. I'll have to read a book and forget about my headache. I think I will. =)
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
1.02am
The EoM demands serious attention from me. And I gave it 2 hours. Anyway, I seem to understand something... just... there's this problem of retaining what I understood. Headache. I threw away my medicine and although I kept staring at my literbin, I couldnt bring myself to try to dig out the medicine. So... I gotta turn in now and try to get myself well again by the morning. But... drats, I'm feel hot and cold at the same time and I seem to be able to warm whatever I'm sitting on or lying against very quickly and efficiently. zzzz... I have got only 1 week and I'm gonna be sick? =_= On top of that, my table is in a hige mess. I thought I lost my some of my notes and spent half an hr looking for it. 2hrs later I found them filed up nicely under my bed. Then I cant find my thumbdrive =.= and there's no ink in the printer....erghhhh I wanna sleep =.= Give me a nice smooth day again?! Relax, dude. Yes, sir. I overstuffed myself at Suki Sushi this afternoon. Now I must really write it down somewhere else: Never go for any sushi buffet unless I starved myself for 1 week. At the possibility is really zero unless I decide that the next camping spot I'll pick is at Pulau Tekong. EEks, I'm scared of that place. T_T and it's alos a training place for the NSmen. Now I'm scared for my bro, although everytime I hint about it, he gives me the really 'whats wrong with you' look. Darn. I'll have to ask domon to sing Unintended for me tomorrow again, although he thinks it's a disgusting song and made more disgusting when I sing it. But sebastian got a nice version for So Happy Together that really made me laugh this afternoon. I'm beginning to like AJ. HA. =_= But... I'm gonna swim everyday after next week. At least I can worry solely about drowning instead of any other thing else.
Monday, September 26, 2005
11.50pm
I havent gone beyond G field. I shouldnt have on my com. I should have thrown away my network key. =s Drats T_T Allow me to hate in peace.
10.15p.m.
Too much ramblings..making my mind feel as though they wont on a roller coaster ride. I have either too much of them in my head, or too much of them on my blog. And my bro really hates me for using his com bcos I wouldnt open mine.
I have decided not to sleep tonight (excluding the occassional procrastinating and dozing off in between), not that I want to, but because I spent too much time and energy yesterday doing something irrational and unsensible, or is it insensible, see... my English is failing me... I have to cover G field, Ideal gases, Work, Energy, Power, Forces, etc etc, which should normally take me 10hrs but I only have 7hrs till I have to prepare to go school. Drats. At least G field seems fun. =_= But after feeling very hot and flustered for the whole day and after taking my 3rd bath of the day, my nose feels like a water hose. Dammit. And there's this Engineer Week which no one in the right mind would go. I would have signed up (I'm not in the right mind and desperately looking for things to do besides revision), but I'm really too lousy in Physics that I'm afraid the lecturer wont give me the form (I'm joking). So I better sit around in the lab tomorrow and pretend that I'm fully prepared for the exams. Then I'm going to tell myself that I'll score at least C for the 6hr chinese paper after spending 2 days preparing for it. =) Gratz, krustora. It's high time to get busy in the meaningful way. =.=
I have decided not to sleep tonight (excluding the occassional procrastinating and dozing off in between), not that I want to, but because I spent too much time and energy yesterday doing something irrational and unsensible, or is it insensible, see... my English is failing me... I have to cover G field, Ideal gases, Work, Energy, Power, Forces, etc etc, which should normally take me 10hrs but I only have 7hrs till I have to prepare to go school. Drats. At least G field seems fun. =_= But after feeling very hot and flustered for the whole day and after taking my 3rd bath of the day, my nose feels like a water hose. Dammit. And there's this Engineer Week which no one in the right mind would go. I would have signed up (I'm not in the right mind and desperately looking for things to do besides revision), but I'm really too lousy in Physics that I'm afraid the lecturer wont give me the form (I'm joking). So I better sit around in the lab tomorrow and pretend that I'm fully prepared for the exams. Then I'm going to tell myself that I'll score at least C for the 6hr chinese paper after spending 2 days preparing for it. =) Gratz, krustora. It's high time to get busy in the meaningful way. =.=
9.23a.m.
I'm in school...so I can't type freely, drats =.= with so many pple walking behind and around me, but it's the only place I can access to computer at this time.
There have been loads on my mind when there shouldnt have been. I'm rather exhausted and lost focus for the whole of yesterday. Lost track of my agenda and forgot that things havent changed. So I wzsted yesterday doing what's not on my agenda. Drats. =.= I musnt forget that nothing had changed. There was a tiny ripple, but still, I forget my agenda. As long sa I'm able to bear in mind what I have on my agenda, I can pull through, obviously. What took me so long to realise?
Crying is a sign of weakness, so... one musnt cry, in fact I'm rather too exhausted to cry. Well, reading my blog must be quite an exhausting thing to do, there seem nothing cheerless to look upon. Maybe I should change my blog's skin, it's too bright to be gloomy.
I cannot lose my head again. If what I thought would come wouldnt come, it wont come. I cannot forget how I reached my conclusion and how I formulated my agenda. If I forget that process, I'm wasting my days again. It's rather hard to find my head again when I lose it. Now you see why I sleep so much. I'm tired. All these run through my mind daily. Whether for the whole day, or just a few minutes, inevitably they will ride on my mind. But I musnt forget I cant do this. It's not on my agenda.
Whatever the case, I must not lose my mind this week. I cannot flunk again, if I do, I'm a goner. But I'm so tired, that I feel rather sick. I'm writing in circles. And I'm waiting, waiting it out. Not sure what would come while I'm waiting. But I hope something would happen, it's better than nothing happening. I'm getting dizzy. And the place is getting too crowded for comfort. I'll hav to leave now. =_=
There have been loads on my mind when there shouldnt have been. I'm rather exhausted and lost focus for the whole of yesterday. Lost track of my agenda and forgot that things havent changed. So I wzsted yesterday doing what's not on my agenda. Drats. =.= I musnt forget that nothing had changed. There was a tiny ripple, but still, I forget my agenda. As long sa I'm able to bear in mind what I have on my agenda, I can pull through, obviously. What took me so long to realise?
Crying is a sign of weakness, so... one musnt cry, in fact I'm rather too exhausted to cry. Well, reading my blog must be quite an exhausting thing to do, there seem nothing cheerless to look upon. Maybe I should change my blog's skin, it's too bright to be gloomy.
I cannot lose my head again. If what I thought would come wouldnt come, it wont come. I cannot forget how I reached my conclusion and how I formulated my agenda. If I forget that process, I'm wasting my days again. It's rather hard to find my head again when I lose it. Now you see why I sleep so much. I'm tired. All these run through my mind daily. Whether for the whole day, or just a few minutes, inevitably they will ride on my mind. But I musnt forget I cant do this. It's not on my agenda.
Whatever the case, I must not lose my mind this week. I cannot flunk again, if I do, I'm a goner. But I'm so tired, that I feel rather sick. I'm writing in circles. And I'm waiting, waiting it out. Not sure what would come while I'm waiting. But I hope something would happen, it's better than nothing happening. I'm getting dizzy. And the place is getting too crowded for comfort. I'll hav to leave now. =_=
Sunday, September 25, 2005
The Turtles - So Happy Together
Imagine me and you, I do
I think about you day and night, it's only right
To think about the girl you love and hold her tight
So happy together
If I should call you up, invest a dime
And you say you belong to me and ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be, so very fine
So happy together
I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life
Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together
I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life
Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba
Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together
So happy together
How is the weather
So happy together
We're happy together
So happy together
Happy together
So happy together
So happy together
I think about you day and night, it's only right
To think about the girl you love and hold her tight
So happy together
If I should call you up, invest a dime
And you say you belong to me and ease my mind
Imagine how the world could be, so very fine
So happy together
I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life
Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together
I can't see me lovin' nobody but you
For all my life
When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue
For all my life
Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba ba-ba-ba-ba
Me and you and you and me
No matter how they toss the dice, it has to be
The only one for me is you, and you for me
So happy together
So happy together
How is the weather
So happy together
We're happy together
So happy together
Happy together
So happy together
So happy together
25 Sep, 1.18p.m.
They say, the music that one listen to, is a reflection of one's mind. Need I say more?
[music] Unintended
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens
to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
Before you
Besides music... images are also powerful tools for communication. So... next time I'll only write in lyrics and pictures? haha... a pity I can't add some background music to my blog... maybe I'll get a new blog that can play mp3 files in the background.
Robert (aka carrot aka Deejay) told me there's a new series of kindaichi on the net! yay! ^^ But he still havent sent me the url and I'm lazy to find it myself... since I'm using my bro's com. I... wont on my com for as long as I'm able to hold out. haha. It has already been 16 days. Hmm... rolling and counting.
[music] Unintended
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You could be the one I'll always love
You could be the one who listens
to my deepest inquisitions
You could be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
First there was the one who challenged
All my dreams and all my balance
She could never be as good as you
You could be my unintended
Choice to live my life extended
You should be the one I'll always love
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
I'll be there as soon as I can
But I'm busy mending broken pieces of the life I had before
Before you
Besides music... images are also powerful tools for communication. So... next time I'll only write in lyrics and pictures? haha... a pity I can't add some background music to my blog... maybe I'll get a new blog that can play mp3 files in the background.
Robert (aka carrot aka Deejay) told me there's a new series of kindaichi on the net! yay! ^^ But he still havent sent me the url and I'm lazy to find it myself... since I'm using my bro's com. I... wont on my com for as long as I'm able to hold out. haha. It has already been 16 days. Hmm... rolling and counting.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
Revisited
I took a new interest in The Magnets recently. There's a song which I like, but I havent found out the title yet. They came to AJ on friday. It's really great. It has been long since something lifted my heart.
I heard a new song and that song nearly made me cry. It's not a sad song... just a little sentimental, rustic, slow, romantic, soft and simple. But, I'm made very tired by other things, so I have no energy to listen to that song and work up my emotions. Perhaps I'm not feeling enough to listen to a song and cry automatically. I have learnt not to let things touch me beyond a few seconds. Most of the time... I'll just stone and let my mind blank out. It has become a bit of a habit now. I have no wish to think too much.
I know time can cure a hell lot of things, that's why I look forward to every tomorrow. I just wish time could rocket. I wanna get out of the slump. So... I shouldnt look back...? Maybe there is nothing for me to look back upon also.
These days when I walk pass CD-Rama, there's always this advertisment on a game called A3. It looks cool and the characters look kinda nice. But I wont have time to play it.
I'm getting too naggy. I'm tired. And I love flowers. And paperback novels. And a cool weather. And a glass of cold water. And a rocking chair. I feel like a grandma. And I'm back to my stoning life and stay away from what upsets me lest my emotions get voilently shaken again. There is only about one reason to make me stone for one whole and that same reason doesnt seem to lift my spirits anymore.
I heard a new song and that song nearly made me cry. It's not a sad song... just a little sentimental, rustic, slow, romantic, soft and simple. But, I'm made very tired by other things, so I have no energy to listen to that song and work up my emotions. Perhaps I'm not feeling enough to listen to a song and cry automatically. I have learnt not to let things touch me beyond a few seconds. Most of the time... I'll just stone and let my mind blank out. It has become a bit of a habit now. I have no wish to think too much.
I know time can cure a hell lot of things, that's why I look forward to every tomorrow. I just wish time could rocket. I wanna get out of the slump. So... I shouldnt look back...? Maybe there is nothing for me to look back upon also.
These days when I walk pass CD-Rama, there's always this advertisment on a game called A3. It looks cool and the characters look kinda nice. But I wont have time to play it.
I'm getting too naggy. I'm tired. And I love flowers. And paperback novels. And a cool weather. And a glass of cold water. And a rocking chair. I feel like a grandma. And I'm back to my stoning life and stay away from what upsets me lest my emotions get voilently shaken again. There is only about one reason to make me stone for one whole and that same reason doesnt seem to lift my spirits anymore.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Chemistry Chemistry
Chemistry...chemistry. There is no chemistry. Haiz...
I'm back in my normal mode again, which coincidentally means lazy and laid back for me. Not that I have been abnormal, but my mood had been on a bumpy ride for some time. I'm trying very very hard to refocus, often I tend to give in to my wants, but well, we must learn to be decisive. I mean, me.
Agitated people say things which can be completely unreal of them and an agitated conversation between me and my decade + old friend sent us into cold war for 6months. But like she said, our drift was quite natural and silent. We made up on my birthday by shaking hands and smirking at each other. Today we exchanged quite a lot of information and chatted as if the 6 months were non-existent. Friends. =) It's a very complex word, with more complex feelings attached. The drift had been natural. And the patch seemed much more natural. If you could get what I mean. She's really one of the most over bearing person I met and she got a really good mind for analysis and interpretion. I dont think I met another person with more flair for E-lit than her, both in analyzing and writing. Superb. For a paper which is 1h 30mins she could sleep 1hr, answer both the essay qns when only 1 is required and ace the level. Well, it's true. And she's in Alpha list, while I'm in APTS list. Haiz... what had I done all these days? =o
It's quite hard for me, or I think, anyone, to possess negative feelings for very long. For me, it lasts around 1 day. For that decade old friend of mine, she's quite the exception, her hatred can last for 6months. But I have more patience than her =p She had been angry for 6 months but I had been quite perfectly normal these 6 months.
Things had changed. I'm very saddened by the fickle nature of human and much more saddened by the fact that I have insignificant influence over them. I cannot hate a path of nature or defy it. If the drift is natural, the drift must happen. Or, if the drift happened, it must be natural. =) Although a bit of hatred still resides in me, they are overshadowed by disappointment. The expectation had been too high. Hence the greater disappointment. I have to be selfish and say that I had not changed. So, if things had changed, the other thing or person must have caused it. But if the drift had been indeed natural, then lets blame nature. haha. Although I certainly believe that we can change nature. Just... abit of a wishing thinking here, certainly I will not allow myself to bring it out with me in day to day life.
I have a new interest. A forced interest. An interest found in slumps. Chemistry. Now I'm talking about the science Chemistry. It's interesting although I can be interested in something else.
This decade old friend brought back to me some memories. Romance never used to be on my agenda. Ok maybe briefly. Feminism was. History was. Science-fic was. Politics was. Shakespeare was. Cultures were. Make up was. Hollywood certainly. TV of cos. Since love never used to be on my agenda, I think it would be smart to continue leaving it out. Maybe I'll add in something called hatred and disappointment. Hope they would serve as an encouragement for me to move on. I must move on. Since I'm forced to, prompted to, hinted to.
I'm back in my normal mode again, which coincidentally means lazy and laid back for me. Not that I have been abnormal, but my mood had been on a bumpy ride for some time. I'm trying very very hard to refocus, often I tend to give in to my wants, but well, we must learn to be decisive. I mean, me.
Agitated people say things which can be completely unreal of them and an agitated conversation between me and my decade + old friend sent us into cold war for 6months. But like she said, our drift was quite natural and silent. We made up on my birthday by shaking hands and smirking at each other. Today we exchanged quite a lot of information and chatted as if the 6 months were non-existent. Friends. =) It's a very complex word, with more complex feelings attached. The drift had been natural. And the patch seemed much more natural. If you could get what I mean. She's really one of the most over bearing person I met and she got a really good mind for analysis and interpretion. I dont think I met another person with more flair for E-lit than her, both in analyzing and writing. Superb. For a paper which is 1h 30mins she could sleep 1hr, answer both the essay qns when only 1 is required and ace the level. Well, it's true. And she's in Alpha list, while I'm in APTS list. Haiz... what had I done all these days? =o
It's quite hard for me, or I think, anyone, to possess negative feelings for very long. For me, it lasts around 1 day. For that decade old friend of mine, she's quite the exception, her hatred can last for 6months. But I have more patience than her =p She had been angry for 6 months but I had been quite perfectly normal these 6 months.
Things had changed. I'm very saddened by the fickle nature of human and much more saddened by the fact that I have insignificant influence over them. I cannot hate a path of nature or defy it. If the drift is natural, the drift must happen. Or, if the drift happened, it must be natural. =) Although a bit of hatred still resides in me, they are overshadowed by disappointment. The expectation had been too high. Hence the greater disappointment. I have to be selfish and say that I had not changed. So, if things had changed, the other thing or person must have caused it. But if the drift had been indeed natural, then lets blame nature. haha. Although I certainly believe that we can change nature. Just... abit of a wishing thinking here, certainly I will not allow myself to bring it out with me in day to day life.
I have a new interest. A forced interest. An interest found in slumps. Chemistry. Now I'm talking about the science Chemistry. It's interesting although I can be interested in something else.
This decade old friend brought back to me some memories. Romance never used to be on my agenda. Ok maybe briefly. Feminism was. History was. Science-fic was. Politics was. Shakespeare was. Cultures were. Make up was. Hollywood certainly. TV of cos. Since love never used to be on my agenda, I think it would be smart to continue leaving it out. Maybe I'll add in something called hatred and disappointment. Hope they would serve as an encouragement for me to move on. I must move on. Since I'm forced to, prompted to, hinted to.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
My internal struggle
It has been a long while since I put in my heart to make a post. Bel asked why the other posts were gone. Answer: I felt they were a bit of an eyesore, so I removed them.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I remember what I wrote on the eve of my last birthday. And I think about what I'm feeling now, I feel, I have not grown at all. A human's behavior is repetitive. I demand a lot, of myself and of others, sometimes unrealistically. I flare up easily and when I cannot afford to flare up in front of certain people, I get angry with myself. For many months I have been feeling abit lost and depressed. Recently, or a couple of weeks ago, I told myself I will not carry on in the same manner. I gave myself alot of encouragements, especially when I cannot get them from people. I said a lot of things and forced myself to adopt certain mentality, whether or not they are logical, to make myself feel better. But I do realise, I have no such perseverance or the wits or the mental state or whatever, to do what I set out to do. I must lament a little.
Today, I'm feeling something new. (One must beat in mind that each time I post, I'm in a fully calm state. I cannot type properly if I'm in an excited state or on the verge of a nervous breakdown.) I feel abit of a hatred and I feel like crying to release the pent up anguish in me. You know, those kind of silent weeping? One must always rely on imagination, since there are only words here. Once again, I have to be upsetted by certain inference I have made on my own on certain things that I see, certain signs that I read. Either I'm too blinded by my narrow mindedness or that the truth genuinely hurts, I feel as though I'm disappointed. The stinging pain, again. Like the stinging one gets after being slapped in the face. Maybe it's shame or hatred or disappointment or disgust. I feel like giving one of those kind of maniacal laughters-cum-crying you get from a woman whom they show in serial dramas. Normally they couple it with some swearing and BANG. Slam the door and the person gets out of the room and out of your life. I'm more civilised. haha. And I talk big. I'm rather chicken in real life. Duh. I wished I had not come online today. But I had to close a bank account for my mum, so I had no choice. And inevitably, I looked through some of the webbies I used to look through. And the result, is this post.
I used to be very persistent in the things I pursue. But failures diminish my spirits. I wish no longer to look ahead of me. But like I said, human's behavior is repetitive. A few months or years down the road, I may be foolishly chasing after foolish things again.
If I could, I would spend days and days and months to lock myself in the room and cry and think about one single unhappy thing I have met in life and wallow in despair. Sometimes I feel I could almost act like an insane woman. But, actually, that's evidence of sanity. It's alright to be a slave of your emotions once in a while, but really, I grow to hate that a little. Bcos I tend to give myself excuses for feeling like an adolescent. Now this topic of adolescence is really quite interesting. The fact that an adolescent is criticising adolescence is in fact a showcase of adolescence itself. Anyway, acting as if the sky had fallen on me is keeping me off track for more important things which I really cannot afford to mess up in this stage of my life. Very honestly, once I completed what I need to do, I will set out to mess up my life =) Give in to all my desires. Basically act like a irresponsible hell of a brat. muaha.
Back to now. I really do feel like having a good laugh (or cry) at a certain thing which I have grown to hate. That certain thing which I have grown foreign to, which made me question my own believes and made me feel that in fact the whole affair was rather laughable. Whether the affair was a result of a person or two or merely my imagination or a situation which no longer exists, well, it really doesnt matter anymore. But, it's so jittery and confused in my mind and my heart now that I wish I could put them all in a blog and hope to achieve a conclusion at the end of the post.
Everyone can be a bad loser. Everyone can be stubborn about certain things. Teenagers tend to possess the above two traits. Well, I have yet to hit 20, so I'm a teenager. There's a controversy on kidultism or something like that, which basically extends the arms of 'teens' to 20++ people. But, I'm not discussing GP here. =.= I must become a slave of my emotion for as long as I'm typing things here which may only make sense to me. So, I must continue to lament and act like I lost everything which I possess. Exactly the mindset of a teenager. I must act my age.
Women are bitter creatures? You bet they are. I'm not saying men cant be bitter creatures, but you see, it seems more alluring not to mention more ironic and prospective to add claws to a delicate creature. I'm really not making a lot of sense. No wonder all my GP essays dont meet the mark. I feel a bit bitter now. A bit crestfallen, although I should know better than to feel that way. Maybe I should watch the night sky and cry abit to myself. Something which I have not done for a long time. I remember while I was writing in my dairy last year on the very same date as today, I was also crying. All girls cry. Hmm.. some more often, some less often. Some genuinely cry out of sadness, while some cry because they have too much of a tear glands. I have a completely different issue on my mind, this year, although the sentiments are largely the same.
I wish I could hate more significanlty. But after so much writing... I have become a bit cold to matters, to myself, to people. Struggling and thrashing around. I could preserve a memory and hate it in peace for the rest of my life. But that's really a foolish way of doing things. But again, I wish I have the blessings of ignorance. Foolish. But simplier and happier.
Now, after this post, I really have not reached any conclusions yet, although one thing for sure, I'm hating fully now, starting just from tonight, hating so fully that I'm gonna reject and loathe and act like one hell of an unreasonable person. I'm really lousy in Physics. I can't lump one whole chunk of messy ugly theories into a single equation. So, more advancement I need.
Tomorrow is my birthday. I remember what I wrote on the eve of my last birthday. And I think about what I'm feeling now, I feel, I have not grown at all. A human's behavior is repetitive. I demand a lot, of myself and of others, sometimes unrealistically. I flare up easily and when I cannot afford to flare up in front of certain people, I get angry with myself. For many months I have been feeling abit lost and depressed. Recently, or a couple of weeks ago, I told myself I will not carry on in the same manner. I gave myself alot of encouragements, especially when I cannot get them from people. I said a lot of things and forced myself to adopt certain mentality, whether or not they are logical, to make myself feel better. But I do realise, I have no such perseverance or the wits or the mental state or whatever, to do what I set out to do. I must lament a little.
Today, I'm feeling something new. (One must beat in mind that each time I post, I'm in a fully calm state. I cannot type properly if I'm in an excited state or on the verge of a nervous breakdown.) I feel abit of a hatred and I feel like crying to release the pent up anguish in me. You know, those kind of silent weeping? One must always rely on imagination, since there are only words here. Once again, I have to be upsetted by certain inference I have made on my own on certain things that I see, certain signs that I read. Either I'm too blinded by my narrow mindedness or that the truth genuinely hurts, I feel as though I'm disappointed. The stinging pain, again. Like the stinging one gets after being slapped in the face. Maybe it's shame or hatred or disappointment or disgust. I feel like giving one of those kind of maniacal laughters-cum-crying you get from a woman whom they show in serial dramas. Normally they couple it with some swearing and BANG. Slam the door and the person gets out of the room and out of your life. I'm more civilised. haha. And I talk big. I'm rather chicken in real life. Duh. I wished I had not come online today. But I had to close a bank account for my mum, so I had no choice. And inevitably, I looked through some of the webbies I used to look through. And the result, is this post.
I used to be very persistent in the things I pursue. But failures diminish my spirits. I wish no longer to look ahead of me. But like I said, human's behavior is repetitive. A few months or years down the road, I may be foolishly chasing after foolish things again.
If I could, I would spend days and days and months to lock myself in the room and cry and think about one single unhappy thing I have met in life and wallow in despair. Sometimes I feel I could almost act like an insane woman. But, actually, that's evidence of sanity. It's alright to be a slave of your emotions once in a while, but really, I grow to hate that a little. Bcos I tend to give myself excuses for feeling like an adolescent. Now this topic of adolescence is really quite interesting. The fact that an adolescent is criticising adolescence is in fact a showcase of adolescence itself. Anyway, acting as if the sky had fallen on me is keeping me off track for more important things which I really cannot afford to mess up in this stage of my life. Very honestly, once I completed what I need to do, I will set out to mess up my life =) Give in to all my desires. Basically act like a irresponsible hell of a brat. muaha.
Back to now. I really do feel like having a good laugh (or cry) at a certain thing which I have grown to hate. That certain thing which I have grown foreign to, which made me question my own believes and made me feel that in fact the whole affair was rather laughable. Whether the affair was a result of a person or two or merely my imagination or a situation which no longer exists, well, it really doesnt matter anymore. But, it's so jittery and confused in my mind and my heart now that I wish I could put them all in a blog and hope to achieve a conclusion at the end of the post.
Everyone can be a bad loser. Everyone can be stubborn about certain things. Teenagers tend to possess the above two traits. Well, I have yet to hit 20, so I'm a teenager. There's a controversy on kidultism or something like that, which basically extends the arms of 'teens' to 20++ people. But, I'm not discussing GP here. =.= I must become a slave of my emotion for as long as I'm typing things here which may only make sense to me. So, I must continue to lament and act like I lost everything which I possess. Exactly the mindset of a teenager. I must act my age.
Women are bitter creatures? You bet they are. I'm not saying men cant be bitter creatures, but you see, it seems more alluring not to mention more ironic and prospective to add claws to a delicate creature. I'm really not making a lot of sense. No wonder all my GP essays dont meet the mark. I feel a bit bitter now. A bit crestfallen, although I should know better than to feel that way. Maybe I should watch the night sky and cry abit to myself. Something which I have not done for a long time. I remember while I was writing in my dairy last year on the very same date as today, I was also crying. All girls cry. Hmm.. some more often, some less often. Some genuinely cry out of sadness, while some cry because they have too much of a tear glands. I have a completely different issue on my mind, this year, although the sentiments are largely the same.
I wish I could hate more significanlty. But after so much writing... I have become a bit cold to matters, to myself, to people. Struggling and thrashing around. I could preserve a memory and hate it in peace for the rest of my life. But that's really a foolish way of doing things. But again, I wish I have the blessings of ignorance. Foolish. But simplier and happier.
Now, after this post, I really have not reached any conclusions yet, although one thing for sure, I'm hating fully now, starting just from tonight, hating so fully that I'm gonna reject and loathe and act like one hell of an unreasonable person. I'm really lousy in Physics. I can't lump one whole chunk of messy ugly theories into a single equation. So, more advancement I need.
Friday, September 16, 2005
16 September 2005, 11.17pm
TIME to upgrade myself MORE. =.= Now I really loathe salt. Ah min! Lets start a campaign called "Un-salt, SALT". Phew. More advancement is needed. I must remain focused. I need some cake. =)
Friday, September 09, 2005
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Fragments of thoughts
Well...
[8_sept;10.45pm] Why did you veto?
[8_sept;10.51pm] I need a clear, blank mind to study. grrr. but I cant find my notes and I cant find you.
[8_sept;10.57pm] Delved too deep. Thought too much. Ouch. It hurts T_T
[8_sept;11.00pm] Somewhere on the other side of the globe, there may be a real, standing human whom you never met, but thinking about you now. That's just crazy yet fascinating.
[8_sept;11.01pm] I just blew an ant into my keyboard. Argh. =.= I was supposed to blow it off my keyboard.
[8_sept;11.07pm] I know it's impossible, so why am I tormenting myself over it? =(
[8_sept;11.08pm] T_T
[8_sept;11.09pm] I need a direction or a divertion.
[8_sept;11.10pm] I need to off my computer. And I need to find my notes. =(
[9_sept;12.54pm] Hmm... nice fresh day and I like white cream wafers with hazelnuts. Just wished advertismensts would stop popping up on my blog.
[8_sept;10.45pm] Why did you veto?
[8_sept;10.51pm] I need a clear, blank mind to study. grrr. but I cant find my notes and I cant find you.
[8_sept;10.57pm] Delved too deep. Thought too much. Ouch. It hurts T_T
[8_sept;11.00pm] Somewhere on the other side of the globe, there may be a real, standing human whom you never met, but thinking about you now. That's just crazy yet fascinating.
[8_sept;11.01pm] I just blew an ant into my keyboard. Argh. =.= I was supposed to blow it off my keyboard.
[8_sept;11.07pm] I know it's impossible, so why am I tormenting myself over it? =(
[8_sept;11.08pm] T_T
[8_sept;11.09pm] I need a direction or a divertion.
[8_sept;11.10pm] I need to off my computer. And I need to find my notes. =(
[9_sept;12.54pm] Hmm... nice fresh day and I like white cream wafers with hazelnuts. Just wished advertismensts would stop popping up on my blog.
This is fun =p
http://www.studentcenter.org/tests/
I took the jealousy test, political test, personality test and pre-sex purity test =x I gave up on the intelligence test halfway through although I really wanna complete it, lol.
http://www.studentcenter.org/tests/
I took the jealousy test, political test, personality test and pre-sex purity test =x I gave up on the intelligence test halfway through although I really wanna complete it, lol.
11.00am
Wah lau I sign in msn and the 1st thing I saw was Domon's "Open your eyes, Just say goodbye" This made me think =) Muaha. Haiz... some of the things can be so simple. But girls are narrow minded. And sometimes I forget I'm just a student in Singapore whose life ought only to revolve around exams. At the moment =) I wish I can go swimming today... but I cant. =( But I wanna eat KFC. ergh =.= And tmd domon, says everytime seeing me on MSN is a comfort. Cos he knows that other than him, there is also someone not studying. LOL. He asking for die.
Once again I felt bored and so I went to look at people's blog and I actually spent around 3-4hours at friendster =P hehe. I love looking at how people lead their lives =x I looked through all my contacts at friendster and well, "happy" is the word. I looked through Grace's account and her photos. She's a special friend, ^^ And I'm glad for her though sometimes, admittedly, I'm abit jealous of her achievements, lolz. Almost all my friends went to NJ, HCI and here I am, leading a completely uninteresting life in AJ and being online. =) Now she is in canoeing club T_T BOOHOO, there is no such club in AJ. And she's enjoying all the cool sports which I enjoy and here I am, lamenting on my quiet blog. haha. And her darling looks sweet =p I see their photos everywhere, lolz, on her blog (as a background, haha) in her display pic on all portfolios, haha. Grace ah grace, miss those days when we sit behind the class and play chess secretly with weilong and daniel la =P hehe. Stupid weilong always lose, and coincidentally, weilong is now in AJ, though we rarely speak now. He's still as moronic as ever, playing the dumb guy with a bad reputation. haha. Then I have this really sweet junior, weishan ^^, who 1 day out of nowhere, decided to spam in my friendster's testimonial. I'm not really interested in friendster, lolz, but recently I just decided to log in and take a look around. Aiyah, all my juniors now are hotter than me liao, hahaha. Brg them to clubbing also scared they outshine me =P And I cannot tell them how lousy they are at first aid skills anymore =P I regret not joining 1st aid club. Now. 80% of my old squadmates are now in 1st aid club, lol. And the old school is now demolished =( Cant go back and act cool in the corridors anymore. I rmbr 2 years ago Yanling was telling me how nervous she is about quiting Dance and joining her favourite sport, netball. tmd now she is national player la ^^ So proud of her. I played badminton all my life but never joined any school teams. Now I'm in tennis club but still not playing my fav sport as much as I wld like, lolz. I always get touched by violin and saxophone concerts but I never learnt any instrument all my life, unless one can count harmonica, lolz. So, life is not exactly according to one's wishes, isnt it? =) And there is Hui who migrated to Canada ^^ who is still sweet enough to drop me a msg and send me a photo in full winter attire, making me jealous la, lolz. I met him through the Association of Chairmans. Sounds cool right? =P hehe. Actually it's just a name. We do nothing all round the year. And Miao Tian Lu is currently the president of the chinese club in JJ and Wee Keat is the holy counsellor in SAJC, lol. Looks like everyone who went to AJ really have no chance to shine =x Have to go back to RV and complain to Bobby, our beloved teacher and friend ^^. He recently got a promotion but haiz... maybe Zheng Chen will get married sooner than Bobby =P Yinggu got a crazy idea for finding a guy for me but I kindly rejected her. I cant imagine the look on Zheng Chen's face whenever we meet in maths lectures, hahaha, I think I may throw my shoes at him. And ah~ I have to mention Mandy, hehe. She is cool beyond words, lolz, currently in NUS(science) and like what her friends say, lolz, she has the composite of a first lady. hehe. Studies studies, haiz... now I know why people say singapore students are nerd. I can actually feel myself turning into one. T_T But I need my 'A' levels! =.= If not I cant get my degree. Ergh. I have so much I wanna do in life. =) There is so much I wanna see and wanna learn, beyond books, beyond time, beyond countries. ^^ I think I'll just get the shortest course in Uni and then go work, earn some money and start travelling. haha. Then when I get broke, I still can turn to Sabrina ^^ the most inspired and dilligent friend I ever have. Well, she's entering medicine and muahahaha, I can always count on her to pay the rent =x
Once again I felt bored and so I went to look at people's blog and I actually spent around 3-4hours at friendster =P hehe. I love looking at how people lead their lives =x I looked through all my contacts at friendster and well, "happy" is the word. I looked through Grace's account and her photos. She's a special friend, ^^ And I'm glad for her though sometimes, admittedly, I'm abit jealous of her achievements, lolz. Almost all my friends went to NJ, HCI and here I am, leading a completely uninteresting life in AJ and being online. =) Now she is in canoeing club T_T BOOHOO, there is no such club in AJ. And she's enjoying all the cool sports which I enjoy and here I am, lamenting on my quiet blog. haha. And her darling looks sweet =p I see their photos everywhere, lolz, on her blog (as a background, haha) in her display pic on all portfolios, haha. Grace ah grace, miss those days when we sit behind the class and play chess secretly with weilong and daniel la =P hehe. Stupid weilong always lose, and coincidentally, weilong is now in AJ, though we rarely speak now. He's still as moronic as ever, playing the dumb guy with a bad reputation. haha. Then I have this really sweet junior, weishan ^^, who 1 day out of nowhere, decided to spam in my friendster's testimonial. I'm not really interested in friendster, lolz, but recently I just decided to log in and take a look around. Aiyah, all my juniors now are hotter than me liao, hahaha. Brg them to clubbing also scared they outshine me =P And I cannot tell them how lousy they are at first aid skills anymore =P I regret not joining 1st aid club. Now. 80% of my old squadmates are now in 1st aid club, lol. And the old school is now demolished =( Cant go back and act cool in the corridors anymore. I rmbr 2 years ago Yanling was telling me how nervous she is about quiting Dance and joining her favourite sport, netball. tmd now she is national player la ^^ So proud of her. I played badminton all my life but never joined any school teams. Now I'm in tennis club but still not playing my fav sport as much as I wld like, lolz. I always get touched by violin and saxophone concerts but I never learnt any instrument all my life, unless one can count harmonica, lolz. So, life is not exactly according to one's wishes, isnt it? =) And there is Hui who migrated to Canada ^^ who is still sweet enough to drop me a msg and send me a photo in full winter attire, making me jealous la, lolz. I met him through the Association of Chairmans. Sounds cool right? =P hehe. Actually it's just a name. We do nothing all round the year. And Miao Tian Lu is currently the president of the chinese club in JJ and Wee Keat is the holy counsellor in SAJC, lol. Looks like everyone who went to AJ really have no chance to shine =x Have to go back to RV and complain to Bobby, our beloved teacher and friend ^^. He recently got a promotion but haiz... maybe Zheng Chen will get married sooner than Bobby =P Yinggu got a crazy idea for finding a guy for me but I kindly rejected her. I cant imagine the look on Zheng Chen's face whenever we meet in maths lectures, hahaha, I think I may throw my shoes at him. And ah~ I have to mention Mandy, hehe. She is cool beyond words, lolz, currently in NUS(science) and like what her friends say, lolz, she has the composite of a first lady. hehe. Studies studies, haiz... now I know why people say singapore students are nerd. I can actually feel myself turning into one. T_T But I need my 'A' levels! =.= If not I cant get my degree. Ergh. I have so much I wanna do in life. =) There is so much I wanna see and wanna learn, beyond books, beyond time, beyond countries. ^^ I think I'll just get the shortest course in Uni and then go work, earn some money and start travelling. haha. Then when I get broke, I still can turn to Sabrina ^^ the most inspired and dilligent friend I ever have. Well, she's entering medicine and muahahaha, I can always count on her to pay the rent =x
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
The two of you are unstoppable, whether together or separately...
A good friend of mine recently got himself a girlfriend. Well, he's a great friend I met on the net and he is those kind who would come give me an ice cream treat at 12am and attempt to spank me when I'm feeling too upset. I got abit too used to confiding in him, so now that he got himself a special someone, I feel a wee bit neglected. =x I didnt feel like intruding on his private time too much also. haha. I'm really glad for him, he looks clearly happy and his girlfriend, is really his sassy girl ^^
I dont quite enjoy getting involved with arguements and persuading. However, my studies require me to think critical and to constantly debate, so I end up exposing all of my weakness. haha. Makes me feel how small my world can be and how shallow many of thoughts seem. Hmm...
After struggling for months with my emotions and sorts, I'm reverting back to my old life. Well.. one couldnt say old life... but it gets rather hard when one's emotions are easily affected by a person. And, I learnt that being too stubborn hurts. So, I ought to just relax and laze around, dreaming about when I can get out of AJ. =) I havent really made up my mind to apply for political science. But since I'm in no great hurry, I shouldnt trouble my little mind over it yet.
It's really kind of tricky when one deal with a person who has unlimited patience and laziness, or coolness or composure or confidence or simply laid-back or whatever you would describe. Sometimes I wish I can grab him by the collar and shake that smug look out of his face. I cant deny I'm an impatient person. But I learnt that this kind of working style really isnt healthy for me. Sometimes I can't control my mood and make rash decisions and sometimes say things which arent me. But because of so many reservations, I eventually turn into the silent and shy girl everyone knows, lolz. And when I do show my true colours people tend to get irritated, then they start to wonder where the nice, meek girl they used to know went. Haiz... haha.
I believe everyone has at least 2 personalities. So... what you see on the surface may not be completely true of a person, haha. So... it's good not to judge a person too early. Always give chances =p If one doesnt let his immediate judgement blind him, he may well find himself a new soulmate. Sometimes it takes only 2 weeks to know a person. But still, that would be too short. I recommend taking a lifetime ^^. It may be quite impossible but hey... life's not gonna end tomorrow. Singaporeans' lives are too fast paced. I think it would be impossible for to me make any true friends in JC, there is only this short a 2-yr to know them. I believe a relationship needs to be heated and cooled and reheated and cool again. To test if it is durable. So... walk slowly.. there's still a long way to go.
Haiz... if some things can't be changed in short term, dont waste energy chasing it le. =( Life is unexpected. Now... I'm just lazing around, waiting for the day to come when I can give full speed in chasing what I feel I should not let go of again. Currently, I simply have no capital to ask for anything. =(
I dont quite enjoy getting involved with arguements and persuading. However, my studies require me to think critical and to constantly debate, so I end up exposing all of my weakness. haha. Makes me feel how small my world can be and how shallow many of thoughts seem. Hmm...
After struggling for months with my emotions and sorts, I'm reverting back to my old life. Well.. one couldnt say old life... but it gets rather hard when one's emotions are easily affected by a person. And, I learnt that being too stubborn hurts. So, I ought to just relax and laze around, dreaming about when I can get out of AJ. =) I havent really made up my mind to apply for political science. But since I'm in no great hurry, I shouldnt trouble my little mind over it yet.
It's really kind of tricky when one deal with a person who has unlimited patience and laziness, or coolness or composure or confidence or simply laid-back or whatever you would describe. Sometimes I wish I can grab him by the collar and shake that smug look out of his face. I cant deny I'm an impatient person. But I learnt that this kind of working style really isnt healthy for me. Sometimes I can't control my mood and make rash decisions and sometimes say things which arent me. But because of so many reservations, I eventually turn into the silent and shy girl everyone knows, lolz. And when I do show my true colours people tend to get irritated, then they start to wonder where the nice, meek girl they used to know went. Haiz... haha.
I believe everyone has at least 2 personalities. So... what you see on the surface may not be completely true of a person, haha. So... it's good not to judge a person too early. Always give chances =p If one doesnt let his immediate judgement blind him, he may well find himself a new soulmate. Sometimes it takes only 2 weeks to know a person. But still, that would be too short. I recommend taking a lifetime ^^. It may be quite impossible but hey... life's not gonna end tomorrow. Singaporeans' lives are too fast paced. I think it would be impossible for to me make any true friends in JC, there is only this short a 2-yr to know them. I believe a relationship needs to be heated and cooled and reheated and cool again. To test if it is durable. So... walk slowly.. there's still a long way to go.
Haiz... if some things can't be changed in short term, dont waste energy chasing it le. =( Life is unexpected. Now... I'm just lazing around, waiting for the day to come when I can give full speed in chasing what I feel I should not let go of again. Currently, I simply have no capital to ask for anything. =(
| 軌跡 | |
| 歌手：周杰倫 作曲：周杰倫 填詞：黃俊郎 | |
| |
| 怎麼隱藏 我的悲傷 失去妳的地方 妳的髮香 散的匆忙 我已經跟不上 ＊閉上眼睛 還能看見 妳離去的痕跡 在月光下 一直找尋 那想念的身影 如果說分手 是苦痛的起點 那在終點之前 我願意再愛一遍 想要對妳說的 不敢說的愛 會不會有人 可以明白＊ ＃我會發著呆 然後忘記妳 接著緊緊閉上眼 想著那一天 會有人代替 讓我不再想念妳 我會發著呆 然後微微笑 接著緊緊閉上眼 又想了一遍 妳溫柔的臉 在我忘記之前＃ REPEAT＊ 我會發著呆 然後忘記妳 接著緊緊閉上眼 想著那一天 會有人代替 讓我不再想念妳 REPEAT＃ 心理的眼淚 模糊了視線 妳己快看不見 It's one of my favourite songs. But how come songs of the same genre only guys singing? I wish thr could be one which would sing out the female's side of the story. =) |
Suddenly down to the bare necessities
There are certain periods in life when one would experience some identity crisis. It made me realise just how big my head was. Haiz... now my head is swimming alittle.
Well... I was breakfasting with my mother this morning and she told me about the 4th tutor in the year my sister has changed. =s Then she commented on how pale and sickly I look. These few days I have been out everyday since morning and coming back only late, particularly to avoid home. I look at my mother and I feel a bit guilty abit it. =( I couldnt tell her that it wasnt the family but the lonesome bedroom that I dread now. I think I must come home more often and have dinner with her. I do feel abit unwell. I had to throw up in the public bathroom and spend $10 to sleep in Starbucks on Monday.
I thought abit about Pamela and Linda and thought about how their lives had changed because one of their parents passed away. Linda is still as lame as ever =) and Pamela is really someone I admire in real life. She's a stauch christian and I thought of all the christians I have met. I seem to pale in comparisan. =p They have such big hearts. Pamela is a really strong and beautiful person. Very successful in life. Should be even more successful in the future. Then I went to read Isabel's blog =p She's a very amiable person. Although sometimes abit violent and need abit of coaxing to get things done. But I read about her life and I noticed her words, her actions and thought, well... there's really a reason to why I couldnt share as much happiness in life as my counterparts. Now... I'm abit T_T
I thought abit about the things I persist and abit about the achievements I have in life. I thought about what made me proud of myself and about my friends' views of me. Then I had some sort of an identity crisis. What made me? =o Somehow, through some incidents, some failures, (I couldnt rmbr the successess) some comments and some recollections, I begin to doubt myself. Haiz.. haiz... I should do more thinking and reflecting, although it's abit draining. On the other hand, it's draining because I think too much about myself. Or is it? Boo~ T_T
Anyway I'm going to town again today. Hope I can drive off negative thoughts.
p.s. a friend has a ticker for no. of plastic bags consumed this year on her blog. It should be er..disturbing.. well, it accelerates so fast I couldnt catch the numbers. But well... it's.. cool.. the ticker =x
Well... I was breakfasting with my mother this morning and she told me about the 4th tutor in the year my sister has changed. =s Then she commented on how pale and sickly I look. These few days I have been out everyday since morning and coming back only late, particularly to avoid home. I look at my mother and I feel a bit guilty abit it. =( I couldnt tell her that it wasnt the family but the lonesome bedroom that I dread now. I think I must come home more often and have dinner with her. I do feel abit unwell. I had to throw up in the public bathroom and spend $10 to sleep in Starbucks on Monday.
I thought abit about Pamela and Linda and thought about how their lives had changed because one of their parents passed away. Linda is still as lame as ever =) and Pamela is really someone I admire in real life. She's a stauch christian and I thought of all the christians I have met. I seem to pale in comparisan. =p They have such big hearts. Pamela is a really strong and beautiful person. Very successful in life. Should be even more successful in the future. Then I went to read Isabel's blog =p She's a very amiable person. Although sometimes abit violent and need abit of coaxing to get things done. But I read about her life and I noticed her words, her actions and thought, well... there's really a reason to why I couldnt share as much happiness in life as my counterparts. Now... I'm abit T_T
I thought abit about the things I persist and abit about the achievements I have in life. I thought about what made me proud of myself and about my friends' views of me. Then I had some sort of an identity crisis. What made me? =o Somehow, through some incidents, some failures, (I couldnt rmbr the successess) some comments and some recollections, I begin to doubt myself. Haiz.. haiz... I should do more thinking and reflecting, although it's abit draining. On the other hand, it's draining because I think too much about myself. Or is it? Boo~ T_T
Anyway I'm going to town again today. Hope I can drive off negative thoughts.
p.s. a friend has a ticker for no. of plastic bags consumed this year on her blog. It should be er..disturbing.. well, it accelerates so fast I couldnt catch the numbers. But well... it's.. cool.. the ticker =x
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
A new chapter begins
Dear blog,
I went to the airport today with tungni. I had arranged to meet her at 6.30am, but I woke late and spent 30mins looking for clothes, so I got a dressing down from her. ^^ Actually I do miss her ramblings, there's nothing as warm to a heart as an old friend's morning scoldings. And she's really the kind with 5 sec concentration span, hehe. Either that or I'm really bad in catching people's attention. She couldnt get along with 80% of our old classmates but there is no need to get serious with her. I mean, well, at least she has the nerve, not that I fully agree with her all the time.
We spent the whole day together and I told her I'm upset. In 1 sec she was listening, the next second she was looking at her handphone and telling me about this guy who wouldnt reply her sms until at least after 6hrs upon receiving her msg. hahaha. Her reaction could be seen as rude and insensitive, but I'll never blame her in the least ^^. In fact dats why I prefer to ask for her company when I'm feeling down. Her reactions are always in such huge contrast to my predicament and mood that I feel my problems werent anything more than beach hunks and bubble brained beach bunnies. hehe. She could keep my mind off things and her bubbly and outspoken nature, though direct and really quite unlike my rather inward, slow and stubborn personality, inevitably made me rush through everything of little importance with her. Sometimes I get short and asked her if she was listening to me. Of course she was, she replied candidly and even told me to stop trying to tell her what was upsetting me. I didnt need to tell her what was troubling me. I merely told her it was because of a guy, really and I said nothing else, then she was ranting off whatever she thought guys could say to make girls upset for 24hrs a day. I have to take my hat off her. 90% of the things she said was exactly bingo, although I made no efforts to praise her or to verify any facts with her. It's nice to relax and watch someone else do their magic. Well... we all need friends. One for every different occassion. =x
For that 10mins, I was prepared to admire secretly how adultish she is, compared to some other girlfriends I have, but the next minute she had to tell me about her love-hate relationship with a guy in her school who is in 1st aid club and she is coincidentally the vice-president of that club. Told ya one couldnt get serious with her, it's impossible. Then she scolded this attendant who was getting rude with me and I thought, really, sometimes it is nice to have a 'bitch' for a friend =x She knows I sometimes call her that, lolz, but she prefer me calling her the beauty. And I end up quarelling with her who was prettier =X In any case, she said my hair sux T_T And she also said she was very disappointed in my attire today T_T I admit today is fashion heywire day. lolz. She has insensitive comments and short concentration span but I had to tell her I'm feeling abit down and troubled cos I wanted to hear her views, although I didnt exactly tell her what was the real cause of all my lamentings. She merely assumed and commented very loudly in the cafe that I was dumped by a guy and helpfully scanned through all her contacts to help me find a new guy. But her enthusiasm lasted really short =.= cos the next minute she was recalling aloud about my past love life and grilling me about the guys whom I used to like. Then she started teasing me about this guy whom I used to enjoy spending time with in high school and was loudly commenting on all his faults.... Then she started counting off her fingers guys whom she suspect liked me and those who have enough nerve to tell the ice queen they like her. Lol. Alrite, ice queen is an over statement, but judging from feedback from my personal girlfriends, I am a very hard egg to crack and appear as aloof at 1st sight =P. I couldnt agree with them completely, but I didnt bother to correct them either, haha. I normally dont show alot of emotions on my face, I mean, I couldnt just start joking around with a stranger (I know some pple can, I have a friend who would ask pple on the streets what they thought of her hairstyle) and I tend to turn off after 5mins if the subject didnt interest me =x Anyway, lolz, tungni thinks I'm really hard to please. I told her, I'm just like any other girl who likes to be pampered by guys, but she says sometimes my behavior simply screams, "Piss off you big headed chauvinists, morons!" I'm exagerrating alittle =p She says my expectations are too high, so I become rather impossible to date. Then she offered to use my handphone to call her friend to ask him to chat with me and I think I almost slapped her for it. lolz. She said serve me right for feeling down. =( I told her quite honestly if anyone near me tells me he wanna date me, I wouldnt have given it more attention than I would have given to the morning's article on the newest housing subsidies the government is giving to the aged. Once again, she says 'serve me right for having no bfs' =.=
I'm abit moody these days and I dont blame people for telling me off because I show no interest in something serious which they have to discuss with me. Girls are hard to please. ^^ That's why I prefer to ask tungni out. She couldnt care less that I was feeling down. She thinks I'm feeling down for nothing. Even if she thought it was something worth wasting time staring into space for, she wouldnt have discuss it with me for more than 2mins. I think, she thinks it is unneccessary, which I'm working hard into believing also. Sometimes I pretend to be stupid and allow her to talk on about what she thinks is correct and I find that she is able to provide more insight, although alot of them are rather out of topic and quite insensitive. I realise again that I shouldnt really mull over the same things for so long, especially if they are supposed to be resolved. I already got certain answers and I really should move on but... stubborn little girl like me just cant let go easily. I would cry if I really thought it was hard on me but anyone else with a rational mind would tell me to laugh it off and move on. Actually no1 in real life have seen me cry. lol. And no1 ever saw me in a really angry mood, just serious. Maybe I should show my anger more explicitly next time. Normally I give disgusted looks. =x But... I really dont know how to think now. I'm abit confused and groping around. I wish there could be something I can do about it. But really, if I press too hard and be too stubborn, then people would be forced to say something which arent really true or make some conclusions which they themselves cant even take responsibility for and I really would hate that. Well... I would really like to chat, but I find I duno how to open my mouth about it. I wish there could be some silly guys out there who would talk on and on to me about silly stuff to take my mind off things. ^^ I could ask tungni out anytime, of cos, but she tends to make me question my beliefs. Although internet, I choose to believe what my internet friends tell me about them. Well, it may be kind of dumb, but I... dont want to doubt people's sincerity in making friends with me ^^. But... it makes me kind of sad when people whom I believe in do lie to me. Of course I did have encounters of this kind and sadly I dont think I will ever learn the lesson. Hmm... T_T_T_T_T_T Well.. some things do hurt. For long. And maybe, I have to admit that I'm still a young girl after all and I do do silly things like staring at the screen and waiting the whole night for someone to chat. And.. sometimes I get angry with myself, lolz. I have been looking for new hobbies for some time, but found none (unless you count swimming, which isnt really anything novel) although I have very little time now for them.
Ah... another lonesome night. What what is exactly troubling me now? I duno... haha. But simple things can cheer me up. Very simply. :P hehe. Now.. I'm going to bed, rest my poor feet and dream about finding my true love. =x wahaha.
I went to the airport today with tungni. I had arranged to meet her at 6.30am, but I woke late and spent 30mins looking for clothes, so I got a dressing down from her. ^^ Actually I do miss her ramblings, there's nothing as warm to a heart as an old friend's morning scoldings. And she's really the kind with 5 sec concentration span, hehe. Either that or I'm really bad in catching people's attention. She couldnt get along with 80% of our old classmates but there is no need to get serious with her. I mean, well, at least she has the nerve, not that I fully agree with her all the time.
We spent the whole day together and I told her I'm upset. In 1 sec she was listening, the next second she was looking at her handphone and telling me about this guy who wouldnt reply her sms until at least after 6hrs upon receiving her msg. hahaha. Her reaction could be seen as rude and insensitive, but I'll never blame her in the least ^^. In fact dats why I prefer to ask for her company when I'm feeling down. Her reactions are always in such huge contrast to my predicament and mood that I feel my problems werent anything more than beach hunks and bubble brained beach bunnies. hehe. She could keep my mind off things and her bubbly and outspoken nature, though direct and really quite unlike my rather inward, slow and stubborn personality, inevitably made me rush through everything of little importance with her. Sometimes I get short and asked her if she was listening to me. Of course she was, she replied candidly and even told me to stop trying to tell her what was upsetting me. I didnt need to tell her what was troubling me. I merely told her it was because of a guy, really and I said nothing else, then she was ranting off whatever she thought guys could say to make girls upset for 24hrs a day. I have to take my hat off her. 90% of the things she said was exactly bingo, although I made no efforts to praise her or to verify any facts with her. It's nice to relax and watch someone else do their magic. Well... we all need friends. One for every different occassion. =x
For that 10mins, I was prepared to admire secretly how adultish she is, compared to some other girlfriends I have, but the next minute she had to tell me about her love-hate relationship with a guy in her school who is in 1st aid club and she is coincidentally the vice-president of that club. Told ya one couldnt get serious with her, it's impossible. Then she scolded this attendant who was getting rude with me and I thought, really, sometimes it is nice to have a 'bitch' for a friend =x She knows I sometimes call her that, lolz, but she prefer me calling her the beauty. And I end up quarelling with her who was prettier =X In any case, she said my hair sux T_T And she also said she was very disappointed in my attire today T_T I admit today is fashion heywire day. lolz. She has insensitive comments and short concentration span but I had to tell her I'm feeling abit down and troubled cos I wanted to hear her views, although I didnt exactly tell her what was the real cause of all my lamentings. She merely assumed and commented very loudly in the cafe that I was dumped by a guy and helpfully scanned through all her contacts to help me find a new guy. But her enthusiasm lasted really short =.= cos the next minute she was recalling aloud about my past love life and grilling me about the guys whom I used to like. Then she started teasing me about this guy whom I used to enjoy spending time with in high school and was loudly commenting on all his faults.... Then she started counting off her fingers guys whom she suspect liked me and those who have enough nerve to tell the ice queen they like her. Lol. Alrite, ice queen is an over statement, but judging from feedback from my personal girlfriends, I am a very hard egg to crack and appear as aloof at 1st sight =P. I couldnt agree with them completely, but I didnt bother to correct them either, haha. I normally dont show alot of emotions on my face, I mean, I couldnt just start joking around with a stranger (I know some pple can, I have a friend who would ask pple on the streets what they thought of her hairstyle) and I tend to turn off after 5mins if the subject didnt interest me =x Anyway, lolz, tungni thinks I'm really hard to please. I told her, I'm just like any other girl who likes to be pampered by guys, but she says sometimes my behavior simply screams, "Piss off you big headed chauvinists, morons!" I'm exagerrating alittle =p She says my expectations are too high, so I become rather impossible to date. Then she offered to use my handphone to call her friend to ask him to chat with me and I think I almost slapped her for it. lolz. She said serve me right for feeling down. =( I told her quite honestly if anyone near me tells me he wanna date me, I wouldnt have given it more attention than I would have given to the morning's article on the newest housing subsidies the government is giving to the aged. Once again, she says 'serve me right for having no bfs' =.=
I'm abit moody these days and I dont blame people for telling me off because I show no interest in something serious which they have to discuss with me. Girls are hard to please. ^^ That's why I prefer to ask tungni out. She couldnt care less that I was feeling down. She thinks I'm feeling down for nothing. Even if she thought it was something worth wasting time staring into space for, she wouldnt have discuss it with me for more than 2mins. I think, she thinks it is unneccessary, which I'm working hard into believing also. Sometimes I pretend to be stupid and allow her to talk on about what she thinks is correct and I find that she is able to provide more insight, although alot of them are rather out of topic and quite insensitive. I realise again that I shouldnt really mull over the same things for so long, especially if they are supposed to be resolved. I already got certain answers and I really should move on but... stubborn little girl like me just cant let go easily. I would cry if I really thought it was hard on me but anyone else with a rational mind would tell me to laugh it off and move on. Actually no1 in real life have seen me cry. lol. And no1 ever saw me in a really angry mood, just serious. Maybe I should show my anger more explicitly next time. Normally I give disgusted looks. =x But... I really dont know how to think now. I'm abit confused and groping around. I wish there could be something I can do about it. But really, if I press too hard and be too stubborn, then people would be forced to say something which arent really true or make some conclusions which they themselves cant even take responsibility for and I really would hate that. Well... I would really like to chat, but I find I duno how to open my mouth about it. I wish there could be some silly guys out there who would talk on and on to me about silly stuff to take my mind off things. ^^ I could ask tungni out anytime, of cos, but she tends to make me question my beliefs. Although internet, I choose to believe what my internet friends tell me about them. Well, it may be kind of dumb, but I... dont want to doubt people's sincerity in making friends with me ^^. But... it makes me kind of sad when people whom I believe in do lie to me. Of course I did have encounters of this kind and sadly I dont think I will ever learn the lesson. Hmm... T_T_T_T_T_T Well.. some things do hurt. For long. And maybe, I have to admit that I'm still a young girl after all and I do do silly things like staring at the screen and waiting the whole night for someone to chat. And.. sometimes I get angry with myself, lolz. I have been looking for new hobbies for some time, but found none (unless you count swimming, which isnt really anything novel) although I have very little time now for them.
Ah... another lonesome night. What what is exactly troubling me now? I duno... haha. But simple things can cheer me up. Very simply. :P hehe. Now.. I'm going to bed, rest my poor feet and dream about finding my true love. =x wahaha.
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