the sunday night

I try to ignore the pain of waiting for you to reply my msg. I know your shift ends at 8plus. I msg u at 9 plus. The time now is 10 plus, yet no word from you.

I have no wish to put more presure on you. For you, I try to be understanding. I try to be gentle, I try to compromise. Think of the past, I used to be more wilful, yet I feel I was more loved. What has changed?

I told you the pup bit me. I bleeded for awhile and msg you, wanting my dearest to comfort me. Yet, even after the bleeding on my hand stopped...I think my heart hurts more than my thumb. I cant call you, I cant msg you. You want your freedom? I shall give it to you.

You told me, that you had already spent alot on me. You spend on food, on movie, on petrol. Yet now I am already sponsoring your petrol fee. I am already not asking you to go out for a good meal when we go on dates.

I didnt go shopping. I didnt ask you to pay. I tried not to even borrow from you, when in the past you said...no matter what, you would be there for me, you would help me tide over the bad times.

For many months, I tided with you over the worse times. The times when you said you had no money. I saw for myself how much you spent on your car. I didnt complain much already. I am simply sad. It seems the car is very much more important than me. Not because of what. But I think maybe you didnt realise, you are venting your frustration on me. What was the last movie we watched? When was the last time I ate my favourite food? When was the last time we went to our favourite cafe? I compromised, I really did. When I am sad, when I feel unjustified, I am simply at my wit's end. I am really really helpless of what to do. I can cry I can be angry but what will you do? You would tell me, sorry I dont know what to say when you cry. Sorry but I already spent alot on you.
I tried the soft voice. I tried the submissive stand. I gave you what you wanted even though I felt insecure. But..

You didnt say. But I know, ytd, you went for a movie with your friends. What about me? Why didnt you even ask me? Because hate my nag now? Because you spent too much on me already? Because of what?
All I want to feel, is to be loved by you, be pampered by you. Not to be kept in the dark by you. Not to be threatened by other things. Not to be put down on and vented frustrated on. Where is my place now?

Can you see my heart bleeding and pining for you?