Sad night

Do until in the middle of the night also nobody help me. Sian, so sad. Can't even have people lending me a small little tiny hand. Already stress until peak liao, havent even sleep properly in the last 24h. You think work 12h shift very tired. At least you treading in known waters, doing routine stuff with like 0% risk. I am slogging by myself, cracking my skull apart to do this business prepare for tmr's stall, I think it is reasonable for me to flare a bit. At least I am the sole person trying to coordinate with the bazaar organiser, the sole person procuring the goods, the sole person forking out money, the sole person worrying about the stall deco. The one who dump $200+ dollars minus rental fees, delving into a high risk constituent. Wa lao eh...already made the first move liao say sorry. Ok la, you wanna fume to yourself right? So petty right? FINE. Whatever. Thanks for all you have done. What else you want from me? My life? Must do everything to suit your mood and taste and temper and your stupid workshift? Must see your face and live? You happy we happy. You stress then I am the one who need to apologise. I stress then you give me black face and ignore me. GOOD. Equally disappointed. Cry inside my room for whole night no need sleep. The pain, nobody know. People only think, what for you so short tempered. THINK FURTHER LA. Cant you try to put yourself in my shoes. Cant you try to think of what I need now? Cant you as my boyfriend stand there and support me? Support me till the end. Not only money and goods. What I need is emotional support. NOT EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN. Just a little bit more of support, a few kind words, not useless advice when you are 10000miles away. I need to slog the whole night SO WHY CANT YOU UNDERSTAND ME ABIT MORE? ALL I WANT IS FOR YOU TO LISTEN TO ME FLARE, SHOW ME ABIT OF EMPATHY, LET ME LET OFF MY FUME ABIT SO I CANT CONTINUE MY WORK!! Not you call me and then I still have to humour you and say the things you like to hear. I also have the things I LIKE TO HEAR. THANKS AH FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT. FOR IGNORING ME THE WHOLE NIGHT FOR MAKING ME CRY AND BE UPSET WHILE I HAVE TO RUSH OUR THE GOODS THE WHOLE NIGHT THINKING AT LEAST MY BF CAN GIVE ME A BIT OF SHOULDER TO LEAN ON ABIT OF EAR TO LET ME LET OFF MY STEAM.
BUT NOW, the stress person still need to call you and beg you and beg you and beg you ah? I really tired lor. Really. First 10mins still dreaming that you will come and accompany through this long tiring night. I REALLY DREAMING. Dream more only get disappointed. Now, only can cry to pull myself through. When I need the support, you are not there.
The frequency of my posts if shorter and shorter. I used 30mins to type this post whole crying in between and glancing at my hp. No word from you. You know how heartbreaking that is? You know I am stressed and busy up to my neck needing to stay up the whole night, yet where are you? I dunno where. Just no sight of you.
Why are you always causing me to cry like this....why are you always causing me to cry like this for you...why...answer me why...what happened to all the promises? What happened to them?
My heart is bleeding now. I wish my wrist is also.