Monday Afternoon

He has changed. Changed so much. Since he got out of NS, into uni and after he works outside. The way he talks to me...it just hurts me so much.

I dont understand and I'm finding very hard to believe. It is so difficult for me to keep myself together and not fall apart.

I plucked up the courage to drop a msg and try to seek some compromise in there. But he threw back the msg at me and acted like it was all my fault. Then he started to get sarcastic. Do you know that every word you said is like a sword through my heart?

Happy couples communicate. Since we dont, it's really bad for us. And I really am trying trying very hard to pull myself together. I need to study. But because of my mood and everything, I am neglecting everything else. I didnt even attend the meeting today. I just cant bring myself to. I am not a zombie. I have feelings. Can you please stop hurting them.

A Hurt Soul

It is now 2.10am in the morning.

I was the one hurt, yet I keep staring at my handphone. Waiting for a glimpse of hope to come. Waiting for a glimmer of what I used to believe.

None came.

It is only hurting me more. Perhaps that is what you want it to be. To hurt me, right? Thats your intention. Hurt me as much as possible and you will be happy?

But isnt it what couples should do? Go out of the way to calm each other's paranoia? So...what the hell was wrong with you the whole day? Are you going to be like that forever?

Suckers

My dad sux big time. He wishes I wont dump my problems on him and wishes I can get off his back while he is playing his stupid computer games. He spends $300 without battling an eyelid to buy a virtual WEAPON in his game but says he has no money for me to buy a monitor which has been spoilt for a year.

Kao. Why cant he be the dads I see on tv and read in books? Why cant he be a role model or a hero whom I look up to?

Anyway I flipped through my diary just now. It appears that all these years he has been a bad dad anyway. And he said it himself, he couldnt care less. pui.

And my bf. He blames me for bothering him with problems early morning and thinks whatever I say is shit. Why do I keep getting this kind of people in my life? People who didnt care less and think all they need is 10mins a day to keep a relationship running?

I'm just looking for a reliable guy to help me out when I need it. Why do they all think what I say is shit? I cant rely on my dad I cant rely on my bf? Then what? THEN TELL ME WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO?

All I need is a man who is there to help me when I need. Treat me nicely talk to me nicely. Advice me nicely, remind me things nicely.

But...
When was the last time you reassured me when I was worried?
When was the last time you gave me advice when I encountered a problem?
When was the last time you reminded me gently to keep my temper in check when I flare up?

Good couples help each other become their best. I dont think we're doing so. Maybe I didnt do any of the above too. My fault. But..I really cant take it when men appear heck care about the women that claim to love.
It's always men's things first. Wait till my mood is good. Wait till I'm free. Wait till I have more money to spare. Wail till I have nothing else to do. Then it is my turn.

Is this love? You always say I am on your top priority?
I look to you for support when I need it. But you yank me far far away violently. Do you know how much it hurts me?

I've already compromised so much. All I want is help, support and comfort at the times of need. What else do you know? Why else do you all still wanna scold me, accuse me and hurt me?

Recess Week

It's been a crazy week. It's crazy bcos I havent been doing anything in this recess week.

It officially started a week ago on my birthday. 4 different groups of people celebrated it for me, 1 of which is my family. And after those celebrations last weekend, I practically did nothing for the whole week. Well, I did something actually, and that is to rot at home, watch dvd till 6am, sleep till 2pm and wake up with a headache each day!

So I'm actually glad to host a small party for my 3 other sec sch gd friends at my house on Friday. Mh and I went to buy ingredients and we all cooked, except for xl, cos she didnt dare to get off the chair. Reason being, she's scared of my barkish little cute dog, mwahahha.

Anyway I got 2 bags for my bday. One was really ex, and one was cheap. But both are special. I took pictures! But I'm lazy right now to post them up. Maybe in my next post.

And ya, sorry I forgot to mention the bday lunch organised by my jc friends for me =) It really was a short lunch. But I did manage to buy a watch (which coming back to think of it, was really overpriced). Again, I took pictures but I'm lazy to post it up, haiz!

Currently, I have loads of schoolwork undone. Hmm...an estimated 3 different assignments and a pending library fine to pay.
But I'm not starting yet. Not in the mood YET. I'm reading Artemis Fowl book 6. Yeah it is finally out but it costs me a bloody $24. Very ex for a "children's" book. But I wanna read it, so I let them chop my head like I'm a carrot.
And I guess I'm really in the mood for sequels cos I realised Desperate Housewives Season 4 is on air now! And Susan is pregnant with Mike's child! Omg....so sweet. I'm currently downloading BOTH season 3 and 4. I skipped season 3 after the 2nd episode cos Susan went out with Ian and Tom was being so sucky to Lynette, and Bree is no longer Mrs. Van De Kamp.
But I am so going to watch it now cos Susan and Mike are together again! But too bad Karl is no longer in the picture, haiz!
Well....really wish my download speed is faster!! Holiday is almost over!!!!

p.s. I got a bit of inspiration lately. I'm planning to write something. And I just thought of nicknames for domon and huangmu. They will be named Dancing Feet on Trees and Flying Kicks on Water respectively. My story is going to be a short, funny one set in the ancient times where everyone knows magical KUNGFU. Wahahaha