Suckers

My dad sux big time. He wishes I wont dump my problems on him and wishes I can get off his back while he is playing his stupid computer games. He spends $300 without battling an eyelid to buy a virtual WEAPON in his game but says he has no money for me to buy a monitor which has been spoilt for a year.

Kao. Why cant he be the dads I see on tv and read in books? Why cant he be a role model or a hero whom I look up to?

Anyway I flipped through my diary just now. It appears that all these years he has been a bad dad anyway. And he said it himself, he couldnt care less. pui.

And my bf. He blames me for bothering him with problems early morning and thinks whatever I say is shit. Why do I keep getting this kind of people in my life? People who didnt care less and think all they need is 10mins a day to keep a relationship running?

I'm just looking for a reliable guy to help me out when I need it. Why do they all think what I say is shit? I cant rely on my dad I cant rely on my bf? Then what? THEN TELL ME WHAT THE HELL CAN I DO?

All I need is a man who is there to help me when I need. Treat me nicely talk to me nicely. Advice me nicely, remind me things nicely.

But...
When was the last time you reassured me when I was worried?
When was the last time you gave me advice when I encountered a problem?
When was the last time you reminded me gently to keep my temper in check when I flare up?

Good couples help each other become their best. I dont think we're doing so. Maybe I didnt do any of the above too. My fault. But..I really cant take it when men appear heck care about the women that claim to love.
It's always men's things first. Wait till my mood is good. Wait till I'm free. Wait till I have more money to spare. Wail till I have nothing else to do. Then it is my turn.

Is this love? You always say I am on your top priority?
I look to you for support when I need it. But you yank me far far away violently. Do you know how much it hurts me?

I've already compromised so much. All I want is help, support and comfort at the times of need. What else do you know? Why else do you all still wanna scold me, accuse me and hurt me?