Why?

I do not know how to start this post. Even as I type and try to put what happened and what I feel into words, I still have an urge to cry. I should say, the whole thing started from yesterday morning, Monday.
I received a msg frm him the previous night that he had to work a night shift again on Monday. I was upset. We hadnt seen each other for days and thought Monday we can finally meet up. Both parties were upset. I took a nap at about 10pm and woke up at 12am. Finally I have the tv to myself so I decided to watch it all I can. It was a Monday morning. I watched till about 4am and retreated to bed. He did not msg me since 9pm.
Slightly after 7am, a call woke me up. It was him, asking me out for breakfast. I was in the deepest of my sleep, and I was unwilling. The moment I said I dont feel like, he hung up. I was a bit shocked. And the shock woke me for 5sec. I was alert and I saw that I have received a msg, from him, asking me out for breakfast because he really missed me. Hence, I felt guilty for turning him down just now. However, sleepiness over took me and I felt giddy again. And I flopped back into bed. At about 9am, he called me again. He said he understood what happened ingame already. Valarie refused to return the leadership to him. Perhaps johnny didnt know Sypher is sold already to valarie and no longer rave. I was abot disgusted by valarie's actions and still I was sleepy. So I said, never mind. Since we are both not really into the game already. Dont bother fighting with them. And so, I forgot who hung up first. But by then, the 2 phone calls already woke me up and I lie thinking in bed for a long time. I thought, since we were the ones who built this clan to 14k prestige, why should I simply offer it to someone else? If that is the case, and I dont care about the leadership anyway, I might as well kill the prestige of the clan! So if they want to take the clan, they will only take a lousy worthless clan. So full of zest, I called him to share my plans. After the 6th phonecall, he picked up. From the tone, I thought I could sense a little bit of passiveness, but I acreditted it to tiredness from last night's shift and the thought of the coming shift.
He rejected my plan. I was upset. We argued. He put orward his plan and thoughts strongly and I felt extremely indignant. In the end, I didnt want to argue anymore. He asked me if I agree with him. So I simply said, whatever, and hung up on him. It was in such a mood that I went back to sleep again for the 3rd time. The time was about 10am.
At about 12pm monday afternoon, I woke up. I heard a msg, it was him. He replied, yuh lah, watever la, do wat u wan bah. It was so hostile. I felt pricked badly. So I replied, yar i will do whatever i want and i went back to sleep, and I went back to sleep. When I woke up again, I felt guilty. I thought it was wrong of me to do that. So I msged him a sorry. I know he was sleeping so he wouldnt reply so I msg him anyway. And again at 4 plus, I msg a sorry and asked him not to take it to heart. At about 5pm plus, I went out with my mum to metro. I saw a nice polo tee, and decided to buy it for him, since he always think of buying clothes but seldom have time. Then I went to the cinema and looked at the trailers and advertisment board, thinking of what movie we should watch nexttime and how happy I would have felt, contrary to what I am feeling now, if we were together now. At about 5.50pm, I was alittle panicky. I missed him and I wish he could reply him. In any case it should be about time for him to wake up already. So I called him. I never expected such a reply, such a tone. The phone call ended in 5sec. I thought ok, I will bear with it. Perhaps he was grumpy because someone woke him up in the middle of his sleep. So I msg him again, telling him I bought a shirt for him. And from then till about 7pm, I msg him several times. I thought he might still be angry with me so I msg him and asked for his forgiveness. Sometimes I thought I was being abit stupid but...I was willing to play the wrong party. I loved him. But still he did not reply. When he finally did, it was, Thx for the shirt :) with a smile. I was crushed. It was the most hurtful thing he sent me. I was merely...knocked out by these words. It has never happened. Never had it been that he wsa so hostile to me. Never. Still, I begged him not to treat me like this and asked him to at least reply me so I will know what he is thinking. Instead of letting me go through this agony and torture. I nearly cried on the bus ride home at about 7.15pm.
When I reached home, I broke down completely. I was at a lost. I didnt know what I have done so much to incur such a wrath in him. I was feeling so hurt yet I was already putting aside all my pride to ask for him. Yet he remained aloof. I cried and cried and cried. And msg him if I can call him. Finally, the last straw came, in the form of a msg. After so many hours of hard msging, he replied, sorry I was in the toilet. you left me disappointed and heart broken. I am fetching my dad. driving now. I was stunned and hurt beyond words. I didnt know how to react and I didnt know how to reply. I simply cried and wept and cried. And I had a feeling of vagueness, of like being in a dream. I really thought I must be in a dream. I really knocked my head against the bed frame for several times. Wishing to stop crying and start waking up. I was thinking, what had I done. He would never do this to me. He would never say this. Impossible. What happened. What is it? I dont know. I simply cried and cried. I think I cried so loud that my mum came into my room asking me what had happened. I didnt know how to explain. I only sobbed harder and harder. I know I want to explain things, get to the bottom of it. So I called him. I called once, twice. Stop and then thrice. And he picked up and said in a tone I think I never thought would come from him to me. I didnt even say a word. He simply said, driving now. call u later and he hung up. I dont know what I have done to deserve this. I thought of everything he has said to me when we were dating. Nothing. Nothing told me this was coming. Never. I was heartbroken beyond words. Disappointed like I was never before. I cried even harder. It was almost 8.30pm. Finally he called back. I didnt know what to say to him but my mum urged me to talk to him. So I asked him what happened. I dont what to recall the contents. But I explained I didnt do anything that he thought I did. And I found out for the first time that he wsa greatly annoyed and upset becasue I didnt want to go out for breakfast with him. And I start to wonder, how many times have I asked the similar things and you said you want to sleep too? And I just couldnt help it, I sobbed uncontrollably when I was on the phone. Finally he said he had to work, had to run and asked me not to cry. How could I? After all the hurtful things. I couldnt. He hung up again and I cried somemore. I cried till I was so tired and I simply laid on the floor but still I cried. I dont know, I really dont, why?
Perhaps I still love him so when I realised at about 11pm there would be some clashes in my timetable and I was feeling extremely down and frustrated and I thought I would have to drop my module. I was thinking, it is the worst day of my life since the semester started. He hadnt sms me, I msg him asking him to forgive me and lend me his support in this times. Then he replied and said, he will. But I didnt feel relieved, I didnt feel happy, I simply felt foreign. Foreign to these words. Does he think that these few words can erase all that I felt in the past few hours? All the tears that I shed, all the emotional torture I went through. No....I feel distant from him, I cried again to myself. I didnt sob, I simply...let the tears flow. I felt all has forsaken me. I tried to msg 2 of my friends to accompany me to the department tomorrow. But none wanted. I felt more forsaken than before. I cried and cried, thinking of the man who promised me such things and did those things to me today. They felt like 2 different people. I feel more depressed and sorrowful than before. I feel....dunno, even right now, tuesday afternoon 3.30pm, I am still crying.
What will he do? Why is he acting like nothing great happened? Can he ever understand how I cried yesterday? Why did he treat me like this? Why is he acting like this? Why do you seem not to treasure me? Why are you doing this to me? Where are you? Where is the person who planned the birthday outing for me? Where is he that sent me mcdonalds, once and only once. Where is he who hug me and say he would never exchange me for another person? Where is the man I loved and enjoy spending time with. Where is the person who called me little duck. Where is the man whom I sacrifice and gave so much for. Where is he whom I always talk of? Where are you? I think, you are gone. I think my heart died yesterday. What will you do? Will you come back? Will you comfort me? Will you leave me for good? Can I leave you for good? Am I able to do it? Should I? Am I still the most important person in your heart? Or are you so willing to give me up already?
Every word that I type, hurts me.