A Thank You Consolitude Post

Prelude: You are not going to find the meaning of consolitude somewhere formal. It just came to my mind. Recently I'm very very vexed. And I keep getting bouts of giddiness which someone says might be a symptom of early stroke.
Anyway, the purpose of this post is to express gratitude to Eugene. I owe him this post and he has been "reminding" me of it. Though, it is just that I am feeling vexed and things have not been progessing smoothly. I will explain further in the second part of my post.

I thank you, Eugene, the duck. For hmm....all that you have done. Including being my chauffeur when I need it. And including times when I have my whims and you are still tolerant and being by my side.
Thanks especially for bringing me to the guppy competition, so that I might be able to "persuade" a fellow member to give me a pair of doublesword tails. Though, another free pair of full red ribbon guppy died overnight. On your advice to put them into new water onto the same day. Ok, I'm not blaming you. I am just grieving over the death of them.
And, on that same day, I have to thank you for driving me to Towner Rd to buy that second hand 3 tier rack. It was a real steal dont you think so? For $20. Though I have to reimburse you petrol..
But well, thanks for chauffeuring me around and spending one fruitful day with me. It is really rare.

But happiness on me wears very thin easily. There is like a black hole in me. Or a dark
bottomless pit which sucks all happy things from me. Leaving me void but of vexing things.

There are a lot of datelines to be met. Datelines which people kep pushing me for but I cannot met them. It is just...very vexing. And my friends in school, well, you know, in uni everybody is only into tenporary partnership. I wonder where all the cliched stories of fun and vibrancy of universities come from. All made up. In real life uni life is a streak of fast and blurring grey.

At times like this, I am reminded of my friends in secondary school and in JC. And well, of cos Eugene. But he is as busy as ever now that he is in SIM.
Anw, about linda, mh, xl, sabrina, isabel n kaiqi from sec school. I feel warmth and cosiness when I think of them. Esp linda, mh and xl, though they may not be reading my blog, I still feel grateful to them. Though all of us are in different ways now, but I appreciate all our meetups and the kind of closeness I cannot find in my uni friends. I dunno why, but when I dream of my ideal house in the future, I would also visualise about a small victorian style white metal round table with matching chairs, and 4 of us sitting around it, drinking tea out of flower patterned teacups and tea-pots, with pots of flowers surrounding us. Afternoon tea-parties. Very comfortable thoughts.
As for the JC gang, hahahaha. I love you all too. You all have been reading my blog I know. And I would like to thank you all for being there when I am in dark moments. And for the thoughtful tags you left at my blog. These small actions bring me out of my darkness and sometimes I can feel so tinily happy enough to have a weak smile inspite of surrounding gloominess.
These gang of people, haha, have no patience for afternoon tea parties I know. So when I have my own house next time, I will prepare wide screen tvs, mahjong tables and a wide table to lay buffet spreads on. But please pay attention to the cream puffs which I may make in the future, haha.
If I have a house, I will definitely buy an oven. In fact, I have a diary entry (in my own diary not blog), containing a list of all those things which I have to put in my house when I get one of my own in the future. Its theme will be country style with lots of lace and wood and flowers and rugs and paintings. I want sidetables and ceremic tea sets. Ah..there is a comprehensive list somewhere in my diary and I shant repeat and bore all of you.

One of my most vexing problem now is the guppies. At least in studies sometimes I am in control. But for guppies, I feel I am completely helpless. I cant force the guppies to get pregnant. And I feel really thick skin in asking for guppies from all the guppy club members.

And another longlasting regret. My novel which is forever locked in the spoilt thumbdrive. It is a heartache forever when I think of it. All my inspiration, happiness and sadness and the fun things and everything. My manuscripts and my drafts...they are all in the thumbdrive. I have the thumbdrive. But the data is just simply out of reach.....

I need the head of the same model fo thumbdrive. But i cant find it anymore. The model is too old. I have given up on my lifelong passion because of it. Maybe stalling for time, until the day when I can retrieve the faraway data..out of reach.

Conclusion: Vexed mood. The reality of problems still fall onto me. Heavily. I need a break. A very very long break.