Post Exam III

I woke up with an immense throbbing pain in my heart this afternoon. The pain made me lie in bed for a very long time. It set me crying and set me thinking.

When I got up, I went to take a look at all my fish tanks. I took a quick note that all of them are alive. But I sense no happiness. Then I looked at my planted tank. More grass are dead. One of the stem plants had broke into two. A stalk of hair grass had disrooted and is floating on the water surface. The suction of the hang on filter is stuck with dead leaves. But I didnt feel anxiety or panic or frustration as I should have. All I could think of is the ringing words of his distain in my hobby. All these that I am doing...each day, each morning, each evening, each time he is not there with me. These things, he shows no interest in. He rather I did not have them.

But I proceeded to switch on the lights, clean the tanks, add the fertilisers, feed the fishes. I felt monotonous. There seem to be no point, no happiness in doing these. And then I saw a tank, where a female had dropped fry. I didnt feel delighted. I didnt feel excited. Because all I saw was his disinterested face when I try to share my excitment with him.

I scooped out the fry and I took a picture of them. But...the excitement, the happiness...are absent.

If I cannot share such happiness and excitement in my life with you. What more can I do? What am I supposed to share with you? What can I share with you to make you happy? What? What?