The start of the end

A few things came to light today, including many feelings that were concealed or put aside at first.

When I stop crying, I am suddenly reminded of the vast amount of similarity when I ended a relationship 3 years ago. I never expect the same to surface again. I find myself faced with the same attitude, the same words, the same replies and I find myself with the same urge, the same actions, the same hurt.

Is the ending going to be the same? Are they all going to be the same? Same excuses for one reason....? Am I going to do the same things again?

I am taken aback. The same questions I asked, the same silent replies I receive....do they mean the same result? Am I to expect the same result? Why are both of you the same eventually? I thought you were different.

The same kind of constrictions in my heart. The same sinking feeling that it is the dreaded start of the end.

Despite knowing it...I still cant help but cry every few minutes. Because deep in my heart, I still hope you are not like the others.

Please...change it..if you still love me.

As I listen to Mariage D'Amour on fumin's blog, the tears just come again. This is the reason why I do not listen to music. They make me drown in my feelings. They remind me of how lonely I am. I thought I wouldnt be a slave of feelings anymore. But...I find myself a repetition of what I was and what I did.